To think money isn't everything?

[HappyKoala56]

My DH has been struggling with a decision and asked my advice, now I'm wondering if my advice was reasonable. Please help.

Background is he has been working part time for two employers pretty much since covid. Carrying on this way isn't practical for him or either employer who both want him to join full time.

Option 1 - is in line with his training and general career path. Has great facilities for the work involved and would be a varied and exciting role. Money aside he thinks he would be most happy in this job. Offer is £60k which is enough for us to be comfortable. Share options would also be a factor but very unsure of the financial benefit.

Option 2 - is related to the industry he works in, but not what he is trained to do. He has found that he is good at the job, but is more office based rather than hands on. To take this job would probably mean turning his back on the work he has trained to do and loves forever as it would be hard to go back with a gap in experience, and he may find it physically challenging to return. He wouldn't have self-fulfillment here, it would be 'just a job'. Offer is £60k plus a sizeable bonus, likely 75% of his annual salary.

Both have similar career progression options. After weighing everything up I suggested he take option 1. We can absolutely live on that wage and his happiness is more important. However I've come away and started wondering about what we would be turning down for the children. They will be off to uni potentially in the next 5 years and a sizeable bonus would really help them! As it would to help them get on the property ladder etc, or just generally to give them better holidays or more family outings.

YABU - think about the wider family, take the money option 2
YANBU - you can live comfortably with option 1 and DH's happiness should come first as he's the one doing the work

Choose happiness. Option 1

option 1. , it’s important he feels fulfilled and that his life is enriched by his work. Work can be bloody awful, sometimes depressing and this can roll into personal life, bringing everything down

option 1 because it’s a good salary still and he can increase that figure with time

Happiness is an 8 slice pizza and everyone's pizza is a different flavour/toppings.
1x slice = Money
1x slice = reliable friends
1x slice = great family unit
1x slice = great job
1x slice = [insert something]

You get the idea.. When one slice is missing you can never be 100% happy. I'd like to think money plays a role in everyone's happy pizza and without money we can never be 100% happy as you'd be homeless & starving on the streets without it. So yes! Money does matter, a lot!

No-one should be poor, particularly in countries like the UK, however money is certainly not everything. If it were, then those with lots of it would be gloriously happy and they're demonstrably not!

My husband is going through the same and we have decided you are at work too long to do something you hate just for the money. He is taking a lower job in a field he enjoys over one on a higher wage where he wouldn't be as happy.

60k is a high salary to me! At that level do what he enjoys most

He wouldn't have self-fulfillment here, it would be 'just a job'

When you say this, is there nothing redeeming about this job? He must find some pleasure from something he's good at surely?

One thing that's not been mentioned is that option 1 is a hands on job. You said it would be physically demanding to return after a break, which suggests it's hard going. With 25 years left he should also consider how this will go in 20 years time, let alone 25. I've got friends in trades and at mid 50's are physically broken and want out. Obvs you've not said what the job is so am just guessing though.

Although I struggle to think of any career where a 5 year break would make it impossible to return, unless it's so specialist but even still.

A word of warning.
Do not sacrifice your relationship or the family for more money.
Bought that t-shirt.

In your Dh's shoes I'd pick up option 1 because he can put happiness over (extra) money - 60k still enables a life way above average person in the UK unless you live in SE.

If the option was a stressful 60k job or a non stressful 25k job, then my advice would be to chase the money.

Money isn't everything, but it's easy to say that when you're least lucrative option is twice the average UK wage.

DH has ended up in a career cul de sac atm (still paid well and paid more than his old role but no progression) but has decided he loves his job and would be happy to do it forever and has effectively abandoned his old career path (which would have been more lucrative at the top end).

He’s much happier when he comes home and he’s doing really interesting work. You spend so long at work, it’s a blessing if you enjoy it. Not enjoying it eventually turns into a grind.

I agree with this. No one can predict the future, company 2 could struggle and he ends up getting nowhere near that 75% bonus.

With the bonus he'd be much better putting that into a pension (as much as possible) to save the 40% tax hit and tax free allowance withdrawals.

So actually sensibly, you'd not see much of the extra. Well not Until retirement.

Can he do option 2 for a year and see how he gets on and if the extra money provides more opportunities outside of work which can bring fulfilment (hobbies, holidays etc). Surely 1 year out won't impact on his ability to return to job 1 or similar?

Option 2.

I couldn’t turn down a bonus of that size.

The bonus makes me think job 2 is sales related? Absolutely soul destroying unless you are truly gifted and are selling an amazing product.

Job1 must still have scope for development? I’d be going in that direction with a plan to progress within a few years.

It’s a potential bonus so no guarantees, plus with your children the best thing you can do is encourage them to work rather than give them a handout. I’m not a staunch never help them with money for University or housing but encourage them to get PT work. DS is 21 and about to start his degree apprenticeship. He had a paper round from 13 to 16 and then worked in a pub in the kitchen for 6 months, he then ran a cadet group while he was in sixth form, unpaid but with lots of decent training and he was involved with everything from organising tests to disciplining other cadets. He ran this when working after A levels, so he already had three great work references at 19.

Both DH and myself were involved with University applications, he was head of overseas recruitment and got to visit colleges all over Asia giving presentations to encourage fee paying overseas students for a decade whilst staying in lovely hotels. I got to read UCAS forms and make a recommendation for admittance. His job was better than mine! Children that had done voluntary and paid work always impressed us and every other admissions officer I ever met.

I have gone off on a tangent but your money situation either way sounds decent don’t worry about giving lots of money to your children it will be great if you can help them but teaching them to be self reliant is the best. DS recently threw away the first item he ever bought with his own wages a pair of really knackered trainers when he was 14, I remember how pleased he was with himself.

Option 1 as he has 25 years left to go, and bonuses are not guaranteed.

Option 1. Bonuses are not always paid in any case. You are fortunate to be able to make the choice. Option 2 seems a bit insecure, and 25 years potentially of unhappiness or long hours is not something to look forward to.

Option 1. It is a miserable life being a a job you hate.

Option 1 every time. if you go back to work full time and earn well I don't see the issue. It's a big ask to have him spend the next 25 years doing a job he doesn't love just for the money. You'll still be able to help your kids should you want to but I'm a firm believer that kids should make their own way in life and I certainly wouldn't be putting their dreams ahead of my own.