to feel this way about my cancer diagnosis

[user10978876]

So last year I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and everyone has been telling me how its the best cancer to get as the treatment is easier than other cancers and the survival rate is high.
I have seen relatives/friends go through chemo and can see how horrible it is but having people tell me constantly how lucky I am makes me feel as if my cancer diagnosis should have been easy to deal with and it wasn't.
I'm having a bit of a wobble today feeling down and vulnerable. I just hate feeling like this. I very rarely talk about my cancer because it just doesn't feel that it needs to be talked about.

You have every right to feel down. It is frightening and difficult, and being told you are 'lucky, as your cancer is easier to treat' while meant to cheer you up and reassure you, isn't always helpful.

It depends a lot on how it is done, and how much you trust the person saying it.

I was diagnosed with BC which was a horrible shock. The BC nurse who I'd met a few time, calm, informative, kind, told me I wasn't to worry too much because of all the breast cancers, this one was the easiest to treat, that they could deal with it. That we'd caught it early . That helped a lot.

The male oncologist however, told me my need for chemo was all down to my attitude to risk, and 'did I feel lucky?'. I wanted to punch him, patronising moron. I try never to complain about HCPs because they are under such huge pressure but I did complain about him.

Good luck with all the treatment. xx

The male oncologist however, told me my need for chemo was all down to my attitude to risk, and 'did I feel lucky?

Good grief! There’s a time and a place and that wasn’t it. Glad you felt able to complain.

MacMillan have a 'helpline' and are fantastic at helping you through a wobble.they helped me through a couple well after treatment was finished.

In my experience, people, esp family, telling you 'it an easy/the best cancer (as if there is a hierachy for heaven's sake!) often are trying to protect themselves too. It's just as much of a shock/journey for them too, they are scared. Not saying you need to hear it, just that it's an emtional and complicared time 🙂

I found MacMillan totally useless if you don't have a common cancer.

there was a good small specialist charity, the phone line was manned by just 1 nurse but he was brilliant

Not cancer but when I was diagnosed with MS out of the blue. I found and still find other peoples comments and opinions on, what you should do, how you should feel etc. The worst thing.

I think people just don't know what to say and think they are helping. But sometimes you really do need to wallow. And that's absolutely fine too.

It wasn't t suggested for the OP to discuss her cancer, rather her wobble, which they are great at dealing with whatever the cancer. You were very dismissive based on one experience

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis OP. I was diagnosed with an easily treatable cancer, when caught early, (endometrial) in 2020. It completely floored me. I was scared, catastophising and depressed. Cancer IS scary and you have every right to feel overwhelmed and frightened. Do try and get some support if you can.

Our local town has a cancer cafe, and although I haven't been able to go yet, it seems like a non-judgemental place where fellow cancer patients can go to talk. Is there something similar near you?

If you're on Facebook, the group Thyroid Cancer Support UK is brilliant for support around this feeling (which is very common among those with thyroid cancer).

I think phrases along the lines of "that's not such a bad one to have" are up there amongst the most annoying used by cancer muggles.

People often do say utter cack, but they usually mean well. But it's an effort to put up with phrases you despise

There are various phrases which are widely loathed (or are at best Marmite) and better avoided. Anything to do with fight/battle/struggle is the other biggie, alongside comparisons to anyone else's cancer.

It's OK to get fed up with it from time to time (hell, all of the time if you feel like that).

Your friends and family got it wrong, you have every right to feel how you feel. I made exactly the same mistake (very different situation). with my DD in lockdown. At least you've not got your GCSEs, at least you don't have transition to secondary, at least you didn't miss your big Y6 residential or prom. Bollocks. Genuinely said to comfort her, but minimising and idiotic in hindsight.

It's not you. People are just idiots and however well intentioned, they can get it dreadfully wrong.

There isn’t a top trumps of cancers. Regardless of type, stage or treatment options it’s shit, it’s normal to feel scared and angry. I found filtering out people who said ridiculous things in relation to anything to do with my cancer was the best method - this included a trusted friend intervening with my parents. I was very fortunate when I got my diagnosis that I only told a few people and managed the comms the way I wanted it. I also learnt to filter out all fighting/warrior talk - if I die from this, it’s not from me being weak and not dealing with it, it’s from science not yet being able to fix this.

You do need to talk about it, that’s how you process the stress/ trauma. Do not feel weak for talking about it or cowed into not talking about it because friends say it’s the ‘best’ kind. The MacMillan helpline is a wonderful service for talking, I also found a closed fb group just for my type of cancer very helpful where I found people feeling the same way as me and dealing with the same stuff. Fortunately due to great advances in science there are more long term survivors of a greater number of cancers who can hold your hand when it all gets too much.

All the best, and I wish you constantly improving health.