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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Car seating arrangement

38 replies

littlemouse15 · 04/09/2022 18:05

AIBU, My partner wants to always give his 6year old daughter the option weather to sit in the passenger seat or in the back with my Son also 6.

If she wants the front I have to get in the back. I feel as an adult I should have the option of sitting in the front? I understand if he's picked her up and she's already in the front I'm not going to ask her to move. But if we are all leaving together for a day out I would expect grownups in front and kids in back. I'm also not against swapping on occasion but feel like it should be my option? Am I being entitled here?

OP posts:
leeds2glasgow · 04/09/2022 18:06

Nah. Adults go in the front 🤷‍♀️

TrashyPanda · 04/09/2022 18:14

Agree - adults in the front.

PuttingDownRoots · 04/09/2022 18:16

Unless car sickness is an issue, its a lot safer in the back in a HBB.

Remind him a small child can be seriously hurt by an airbag!

FatAnneTheDealer · 04/09/2022 18:21

As per previous post, children are much safer in the back. Also under UK law children under 12 must be in an appropriate car seat or booster wherever they are seated. Is your partner’s child in a child seat when in the front?

Also seems very unfair on your son, who, it seems does not get offered this option.

Much simpler to have a family rule that children under 12 ALWAYS sit in the back, whether or not there is any other passenger in the car. Then there are no arguments - or at least you get to put off the arguments for another 6 years.

lanthanum · 04/09/2022 18:23

I feel slightly guilty that DD, as an only, is always on her own in the back when we're all in it, but I certainly wouldn't be putting one child of two in the front - especially always the same one.

Original poster
littlemouse15 · 04/09/2022 18:29

I feel I should add my partners point of view. He only sees her weekends so wants to spend as much time as possible with her Is his reasoning. Also 'she's a princess' and 'it's her car'...

OP posts:
ClocksGoingBackwards · 04/09/2022 18:33

Your DP can’t win here really. I agree that adults should sit in the front and children should sit in the back, but I also think that his daughter should be his priority when they have time together because he spends all the rest of his free time with you and your son.

I wouldn’t like it in your situation either, but for the sake of harmony I’d be gracious and frame it as if you’re happy to sit next to your son and let your step daughter sit next to her dad. You can sit in the first next to your husband every other day.

lunar1 · 04/09/2022 18:35

How did you not vomit when he said she's a princess and it's her car? That's got to be a run for the hills moment.

30not13 · 04/09/2022 18:39

FatAnneTheDealer · 04/09/2022 18:21

As per previous post, children are much safer in the back. Also under UK law children under 12 must be in an appropriate car seat or booster wherever they are seated. Is your partner’s child in a child seat when in the front?

Also seems very unfair on your son, who, it seems does not get offered this option.

Much simpler to have a family rule that children under 12 ALWAYS sit in the back, whether or not there is any other passenger in the car. Then there are no arguments - or at least you get to put off the arguments for another 6 years.

Not entirely accurate. Under 12 years OR less than 135cm. Child is 140cm at just turned 9yo so therefore out of any car seat.

30not13 · 04/09/2022 18:39

*my child

Purplecatshopaholic · 04/09/2022 18:39

Not a cat in hells chance she’s in the front if I am there, just nope. Adults in the front

NoDairyNoProblem · 04/09/2022 18:40

ClocksGoingBackwards · 04/09/2022 18:33

Your DP can’t win here really. I agree that adults should sit in the front and children should sit in the back, but I also think that his daughter should be his priority when they have time together because he spends all the rest of his free time with you and your son.

I wouldn’t like it in your situation either, but for the sake of harmony I’d be gracious and frame it as if you’re happy to sit next to your son and let your step daughter sit next to her dad. You can sit in the first next to your husband every other day.

How long should the OP be expected to sit in the back though… when her step daughter is 16? 24? 35 and she’s in the back with the grandchildren?

Original poster
littlemouse15 · 04/09/2022 18:41

We don't live together, both work during the week. He occasionally sees us on a Wednesday afternoon. But apart from that it's just weekends so he hasn't seen any of us but I do still understand your point and he has said he wants to spend as much time with her as possible but they do have daddy daughter time and go on for a few hours just them most weekends.

OP posts:
mamabear715 · 04/09/2022 18:42

What @lunar1 said.

BanditBluey · 04/09/2022 18:44

30not13 · 04/09/2022 18:39

Not entirely accurate. Under 12 years OR less than 135cm. Child is 140cm at just turned 9yo so therefore out of any car seat.

Show quote history

Legal doesn't mean safe. An 8/9 year old would be much safer in a high backed booster than just using the adult seatbelt.
It's legal to smoke, doesn't mean it's healthy! It's legal to not use a seat, doesn't mean it's safe

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 04/09/2022 18:53

Just meet him at the arranged place
With your little Prince safely in the back of your car.

Siameasy · 04/09/2022 18:55

Front passenger is the suicide seat for a reason

Sunnytwobridges · 05/09/2022 09:00

lunar1 · 04/09/2022 18:35

How did you not vomit when he said she's a princess and it's her car? That's got to be a run for the hills moment.

This. My ex treated his child the same way. It was one of the reasons our relationship didn’t last

BeardieWeirdie · 05/09/2022 09:05

He’s putting a child’s uninformed wants ahead of her safety. Plus he describes her as a princess. Throw this one back in the sea, OP, he’s a moron. The child’s mother must be raging that he has her in the front too.

Clymene · 05/09/2022 09:11

I'd ditch him for being a shit dad

hewouldwouldnthe · 05/09/2022 09:16

He's a dick. His little princess would be safer in the back seat. Adults sit in the front. He needs to realise he is setting her up for a life where she feels entitled and special. She's neither and will have some nasty shocks in life.

hewouldwouldnthe · 05/09/2022 09:18

Please don't tell me she's not in a car seat? My 9 yo is (and in the back)

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 05/09/2022 09:32

We used to have to wait until the driver said 'Let's go!' and then the first one to say 'Bags front seat!' got it. Unless there was a second adult. 😞

zingally · 05/09/2022 09:49

Nope. Children in the back at all times. It's safer.
I'm always puzzled by this "kids in the front" thing. I swear there was a rule when I was growing up that you couldn't sit in the front until you were a certain height? Unless my parents were BS'ing me?!
My two are 5, rising 6, and have asked once or twice about going in the front, and I've always said "not until you're 5 foot tall." I've clearly just made up a rule!

GoAround · 05/09/2022 09:57

Ugh this is awful for some many reasons- the lack of respect for you, saying she’s a princess and it’s her car (seriously WTAF), that it’s not safe, being treated differently to the other child of the same age.

He’s an absolute moron.