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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not buy new school stuff even though we could afford it

105 replies

MerryMarigold · 04/09/2022 18:02

I was wondering today ...

DD seemed a bit down and I wasn't sure why. She's got nothing new for school this year (going to Y8) as she got a new bag during the year, her shoes still fit and aren't broken, I bought secondhand blazers from PTA, skirts and blouses and p.e kit still fit. I tend to buy new when things break or they grow out of them, and preferably secondhand when it comes to clothes as there is so much which already exists I don't like creating more manufacturing and buying new unless it's necessary.

So, AIBU? Is it nice to start the school year with new stuff? Like a new start. What do you guys get new? Is there a compromise and if so, what is it?

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 04/09/2022 18:04

Take her to get s couple of new pens or something else she'll use eventually, but of course yanbu. It is mad to buy things you don't need.

DreamingofItaly2023 · 04/09/2022 18:06

Could you take her on a stationery shop? That was the best bit of going back to school.

Robostripes · 04/09/2022 18:06

I buy new stuff when it’s needed. I think it’s bizarre that some people buy a whole new set of uniform every September. DS (primary) has had two new school jumpers because his were really faded, new school shoes because his feet had grown (annoying as his old ones were only a few months old!) and new PE top because his old one was too small. No new trousers or polo shirts because he didn’t need them, why spend money on stuff you don’t need to, especially now!

DreamingofItaly2023 · 04/09/2022 18:06

But I agree with not buying her new uniform! A new pen and notebook might be appreciated though.

LadyCatStark · 04/09/2022 18:07

I’d get her a new pencil case and stationery if you can.

KassandraOfSparta · 04/09/2022 18:07

I think as they get older this becomes less of a "thing" - stuff lasts longer, the uniform which fitted in Spring still fits in September.

People who buy everything new every year are unhinged.

FruitPastilleNut · 04/09/2022 18:11

It's always a nice feeling to have a few new bits when starting a new year.

I wouldn't buy uniform or shoes for the sake of it but maybe stationary, lunchbox, pencil case or possibly a new school bag.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 04/09/2022 18:14

KassandraOfSparta · 04/09/2022 18:07

I think as they get older this becomes less of a "thing" - stuff lasts longer, the uniform which fitted in Spring still fits in September.

People who buy everything new every year are unhinged.

How I wish this were true! Maybe with older primary

The new trousers and shoes that fitted DS, with room to spare, at Easter, didn't go anywhere near fitting by the end of last term!

creamwitheverything · 04/09/2022 18:15

Torn on this one OP! You are Not being unreasonable in the sightest,pretty sure anyone in their right mind would agree with you BUT sorry there is one from your DDs point of view,Peer pressure and all that malarky.It does impact them sadly I have seen this with my 2 over the years. It is wrong but its still there and they have to find a way of navigating it.New school year new start atleast with shoes and bag and coat seems the way it matters to them!!! So i get why she is miffed,Its pointless and a waste to us but not to them and I admit I always caved in and still do to get them off to a confident start, I am aware I am fueling this but who cares if mine feel ok I am ok, I waste loads and I am aware I am barmy! Happy kids at that age make happy mums and its worth it to ease the stress to me any way.

OhmygodDont · 04/09/2022 18:17

I’ve only picked up what they actually need. Turns out that was shoes, trainers, pens, pencils and the oldest needed a new Pe shirt. Oh and lunch boxes.

Theyellowshorts · 04/09/2022 18:17

I think for high school and teenagers it's actually more of a thing. This is the age when they want the latest bag, latest trainers and latest coat. Lets not forget the new pencil case and new stationery.

'Making do' is not a phrase teens understand.

OhmygodDont · 04/09/2022 18:18

Oh and the boy doesn’t wear coats (massive eye roll) and both girls have enough coats that they could get asked if it was new and they would of had it six months as when I see a bargain I pick it up. In fact the oldest girl won’t technically need a new coat for another 3 years and I’ve got upto that age already.

MintJulia · 04/09/2022 18:18

I'd let her choose some new stationery. Hair clips?

DS has new shirts, socks, trousers and shoes this year, but his tie, blazer, sweater and most of his sports kit are second hand, and his book bag and sports bag are three years old.

Uniform isn't a fashion statement. In fact ds and his mates seem to take pride in wearing the scruffiest, most tattered uniform they can find.

lanthanum · 04/09/2022 18:19

Mine grew early, so didn't have new anything for year 9/10/11. She's never been much into things, but if she had been I think I would have offered things like new pencil-case/stationery/water bottle.

Hobele · 04/09/2022 18:26

I also only bought what was needed, we have tons of things still good. There's so much waste going on. The youngest had a new jacket as I felt a bit bad for him starting secondary and some shirts. Socks etc.

sheepdogdelight · 04/09/2022 18:29

If she's Year 8 does she have something that was fine in Year 7, but now looks babyish? I got my DD a new bag at this point for that reason (although she had the same bag in Year 7 as she'd had in junior school).

I don't think you should buy new for the sake of it. If she wants new stationary, does she have enough of an allowance to buy it herself? That's the other thing to consider - does she have the ability to buy herself stuff that you deem a waste of money?

Skipsabeat · 04/09/2022 18:33

I think both of you are completely reasonable! Obviously if her uniform is fine then it’s daft to buy again but as a young girl it’s really nice to have new shoes or a bag to show your friends. I’d maybe let her choose one new thing that she wants within reason, stationary, water bottle or a bag maybe as a compromise.

Original poster
MerryMarigold · 04/09/2022 18:35

Making do' is not a phrase teens understand

Mine do! She didn't actually say anything about wanting new stuff, I just wondered if that was the issue. She's not really into the being a fashionista. It could just be nerves about going back...

She does need a new coat (not cold enough yet as has a blazer but that will come). Water bottle new last term. I got her a new maths set (exciting! 🙄) as the compasses always break and protractors/ rulers seem to get lost all the time. She only likes to use Bic so couldn't even get nice pens. I cut her hair/ dried it wavy and it looks great/ different enough so I think that cheered her up.

Thanks all!

OP posts:
grey12 · 04/09/2022 18:36

carefullycourageous · 04/09/2022 18:04

Take her to get s couple of new pens or something else she'll use eventually, but of course yanbu. It is mad to buy things you don't need.

This!!

ClocksGoingBackwards · 04/09/2022 18:36

I’d let her have new stationery at least. I’m an adult (that works in a school) and I have plenty of stationery, I still like to have a few new things for the start of a new school year. It just makes the whole thing feel nicer.

woodhill · 04/09/2022 18:38

Yanbu

Only buy when you need it

I don't remember doing this when my dc were at primary in the 90s

BatteryPoweredMammy · 04/09/2022 18:43

We only replace what needs replacing normally although DS (13) is shooting up in height at the moment, so we’ve even had to buy a new winter coat this year.

However, it’s cost us a fortune getting DS kitted out this year for secondary as besides uniform, he’s had to have a specific laptop/tablet device for school. (kids are usually 12/13 when starting secondary school here)

I’m thinking it’s added up to around €1200 so far and we still don’t know what books we still have to buy.

Luckily, DS isn’t sporty and doesn’t watch TV so has no interest in having brand name clothing items.

Basilthymerosemary · 04/09/2022 18:45

You can get some lovely pastel coloured bic pens that she may like.

TheOrigRights · 04/09/2022 18:49

Once I finally managed to get DS to back up up "it's fine" when I asked if his uniform was all ok and whether he needed stationery, I said "good, it means we'll have more to spend on non school stuff".
He's going into year 9, grew a lot last year and he's not done so no doubt we'll be getting stuff over the year

blubberyboo · 04/09/2022 18:54

Actually teenagers now are all about the grunge again. They don’t want brand new skirts etc cos they look obviously new.

my ds only got a new jumper as she moved into a year group with a different coloured jumper. She told me not to buy a new skirt as she wanted it to be worn looking.

with my 10 year old son I am always the parent running into the shop the day before term starts cos I’ve just realised something doesn’t fit him.otherwise I’d have it back on him.
we rewear jumpers and jeans etc every winter why would uniform be any different?

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