To dread every waking moment with my DS

[Yankeecan]

My first child was an absolute dream. Never had any issues with her at all. My son is the absolute devil, I feel literally sapped to nothing every single day. He has the loudest scream ever and just won’t bloody give up! I’ve come to the toilet to hide whilst they eat tea. Development wise he is fine, counting past 10, saying lots of things etc and doing well on the potty….please somebody help!!!

It's nonsense that girls are easier than boys. Let's not make blanket sexist comments about all children!

At that age my ds was 100 times easier than my dd at that age...

Op, it's probably the combination of your children's ages that's hitting you hard - they have different needs and are at different stages.

Do you ever get time to yourself? When does your ds start nursery?

Some kids are just very, very hard work.

But if your first child was placid and easy, have you changed your tactics?

I've never had a daughter. Just a granddaughter. My boys were always exploring, taking things apart to see how they worked. Nothing was safe. My granddaughter never did any of that sort of thing at all. Not knowing any better, I thought it might be a gender related thing, but apparently not. It's nice to know that somewhere a little two or three year girl has taken her dad's tools and is busy taking the wheels of her trike.

Agree with its a personality thing and they do say you don't get 2 good kids! (As in one harder than the other).

But boys definitely can be boisterous and girls less so. I only have a boy but... think it's different stages kids are at also.

He's only 2 OP! Does he go to nursery?

Oh, bless you! He sounds like a right handful and I’d be muttering blue enough to make a sailor blush 😂.

I remember there was one boy in my reception class that I was completely in love with - the only boy that made my placid, easygoing, unflappable, nerdy accountant father so angry at my 4th birthday party, that he ‘accidentally’ dropped him when pulling him away from my swings.

We once bumped into his mum at the local shop and she looked hunted. She actually admitted that she sometimes locked herself into the cupboard under the stairs to just get five minutes peace.

None of this is your fault - he’s just going through that phase. Lots of breaks and counting to eleventy gazillion. You are not a bad mum, and I hope the pay off for your patience is an easygoing child and teen!

I could have written your post, I have aso said worse under my breath. It amazes me that 2 such different children could come from the same parents. My son is 3 now and seems to be getter a bit better!

Also

Shit are we supposed to be saying these things UNDER our breath 🤔

😂😂😂😂

I have done a lot worse than mutter believe me. Keep going!

Thank you, I guess it’s kind of taboo admitting how hard parenting can be and some women want to believe they can only be a decent mother if they never step a foot wrong. I ADORE my son and I love being a mum, however I admit there are days that are so bloody tedious and hard. Maybe I am not the perfect earth mother but who cares, I do my best.

It’s not a case of boys being harder than girls (or vice versa), it is s a case of some dc being more difficult than others - nothing to do with their sex. I have 2 boys and a girl and they have all had periods of being tricky, lovely, worrying, loud, smelly, bonkers, quiet, easy going, fussy, etc.

This point really resonated with me and I think has been largely overlooked in all the hooha about whether it's 'just a boy thing'.

I have two children, a bigger gap, and both are now older than yours. I am acutely aware that sometimes I transfer my mental 'blame' of one child to the other. For me it's now more often in the other direction eg I'm knackered and fed up with 5yo yelling and arguing about (what I consider) silly little things and interrupting me repeatedly because she's still learning to wait and to prioritise, but it's 10yo then asking a reasonable question at a 'bad' time or wanting a bit of nurturing when i feel all nurtured out that then feels like the excess demand on me. But really his needs are entirely reasonable (and so are the little one's tbh), it's just me wobbling for a moment because it's a lot of plates to spin.

I do think muttering in your head is fine and normal but I also think children infer SO much more than we give them credit for and I try really hard not to conceptualise mine as bad or difficult or whatever as I think that's such a damaging thing for a child to pick up on, and also usually an unfair way of viewing them. My children both press my buttons in different ways, but those are mostly MY buttons. My smaller child is more gleefully disobedient than her brother ever was, but for me there's a certain charm to that and I find it easier to respond appropriately than I do with some of my older child's irritating habits. But if I hadn't already had to deal with a bloody wilful little thing for hours on end, I might muster a bit more tolerance for gulping at the dinner table... who knows?

This is the stuff people don't tell you about! The terrible twos combined with the constant questions is the stuff torturers dream of recreating. The memory alone brings shivers down my back....

It's been a while since I had to deal with that (decades) and I still to this day, feel so grateful that it is over 🙏

And I love my kids! I really do.

It gets better OP. I am so glad it's not me though... sorry!