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AIBU?

To ask how to say it's ok not to bring presents

30 replies

LemonDrop22 · 04/09/2022 17:01

Hosting a child's birthday party just before payday (for many monthly paid folks), aware many people will be broke from holidays and cost of school uniforms etc ....

How do I politely/diplomatically tell people they don't need to bring presents on the invitation cards?

How do you phrase it, if you've done it?

I would like a good attendance as I pay for 20 kids whether 20 turn up or not (and obviously would like a nice buzzy party too) , and am worried finances might put people off accepting the invitation.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

21 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
14%
You are NOT being unreasonable
86%
LemonDrop22 · 04/09/2022 17:02

*before payday this month

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/09/2022 17:05

I'd just write on the bottom of the invite "no gifts required, DS would just love all his friends around him at the party!"

I'd never come without a gift, but reading that would make me think "ah phew, a box of malteasers will do" and I'd just do a token gift.

PimmsOfCourse · 04/09/2022 17:06

I don't think you can say that
You don't really know the ins and outs of people's finances.
I would just let people work it out
You can say gifts not necessary but it's a bit odd for a child's birthday party. I have never seen it to be quite honest

Merrymumoftwo · 04/09/2022 17:13

not sure how old your child is but could you ask parents to take a picture of their child with yours for a photo album?
so add a note we would really appreciate it if you could provide our son with a gift of a photo with your child. If you can email the image to us we will get it printed for an album.

alternatively something like “The pleasure of your child’s company at X’s birthday is all the gift required”

im sure someone will have a more eloquent way of phrasing it

Justjoinedforthis · 04/09/2022 17:14

I’ve seen it lots of times for 2 and 3 year olds, and have done it for my kids at that age. I love it, as a host and an attendee. Then you don’t need to bother with party bags, it saves so much shite exchanging hands.

Cotswoldmama · 04/09/2022 17:18

I've put at the bottom of invites no gifts necessary. My son and his friends all have their birthdays a few days apart so often have had joint parties so I didn't want parents to think they'd need to buy three presents! I carried on doing it after when he had parties on his own too. I'm conscious that a lot of kids in his class don't have the spare cash. Most guests still bought something but it really wasn't a big deal if they didn't.

WonderingWanda · 04/09/2022 17:23

No gifts required, just the pleasure of your childs company. We've reflected that we have too much stuff as it is.

LemonDrop22 · 04/09/2022 18:40

The pleasure of your child’s company at X’s birthday is all the gift required

No gifts required, just the pleasure of your childs company. We've reflected that we have too much stuff as it is.

These sound very polite.

I'll have to see if I can fit them on the invite though 😄😮

OP posts:
LemonDrop22 · 04/09/2022 18:41

Justjoinedforthis · 04/09/2022 17:14

I’ve seen it lots of times for 2 and 3 year olds, and have done it for my kids at that age. I love it, as a host and an attendee. Then you don’t need to bother with party bags, it saves so much shite exchanging hands.

Have you, I'm won't come across as a weirdo then..

OP posts:
crochetmonkey74 · 04/09/2022 18:42

PimmsOfCourse · 04/09/2022 17:06

I don't think you can say that
You don't really know the ins and outs of people's finances.
I would just let people work it out
You can say gifts not necessary but it's a bit odd for a child's birthday party. I have never seen it to be quite honest

Oh FGS it's really common to do this . Last few parties I've been to have had a no present necessary note

LemonDrop22 · 04/09/2022 18:44

I was going to do sweet cones instead of party bags anyway, as people on here said the tiny plastic tat etc just gets broken/thrown out etc.

OP posts:
wildseas · 04/09/2022 18:46

is it a formal invite or a casual text? If it’s the second id put something like « as many of you know I’m a bit shit at remembering to buy kids birthday presents. So please don’t worry to buy for us but xxxx would absolutely love it if you’re able to come « .

Takes the the stigma out of accepting, and gives you a nice out for the next year 😁

MotherWol · 04/09/2022 18:48

DD’s in Year 1 and as there have been loads of joint parties it’s become a thing to say ‘no gifts please’ as it means one child doesn’t get more than another. I know some posters on here think it’s dreadful but it’s really been fine and it’s worth it!

LemonDrop22 · 04/09/2022 18:50

It's formal invites as some are to school classmates whose parents I don't know (other than saying hi and minimal waiting at pick up/drop off conversation).

OP posts:
Burgoo · 04/09/2022 18:53

I'd prob opt for the old "don't buy tat that will likely get lost or binned" though I suspect they wouldn't appreciate the tongue-in-cheek and think that's rude!

Just put "no presents required, just bring your wonderful selves!"

LaundryBin · 04/09/2022 19:04

I’d opt for “no presents please!” Rather than “no presents necessary” otherwise some people will still bring them and others will feel uncomfortable.

loudlylikealion · 04/09/2022 19:07

Burgoo · 04/09/2022 18:53

I'd prob opt for the old "don't buy tat that will likely get lost or binned" though I suspect they wouldn't appreciate the tongue-in-cheek and think that's rude!

Just put "no presents required, just bring your wonderful selves!"

That's good, I wouldn't put anything about how you have enough stuff as it is that sounds quite negative/braggy to me

Rocketpants50 · 04/09/2022 19:08

Went to a party where it was a poem invite, I forget the words but it was to bring £2 as child was saving up for something for a hobby. It was really lovely as when he got it they sent a photo out saying thank you to everyone and it was really appreciated by everyone.

Crazycrazylady · 04/09/2022 19:10

To be honest no gifts please sounds to me like ye want cash instead !

thefamilyupstairs · 04/09/2022 19:32

@Rocketpants50 I get that £2 isn't a great deal and the party parent probably thought they were doing everyone a favour, but to specify that everyone brings a certain amount? That's rather presumptions to me.

Spanielsarepainless · 04/09/2022 19:44

You could say "Jimmy isn't expecting presents or money ."

Mumoftwoinprimary · 04/09/2022 20:19

How about:-

“In these difficult times we are asking for no presents or money for Harry. He just wants to celebrate with his friends. If you really feel the need to buy something - please put a donation in the food bank bin the next time you are in Tesco’s. They are particularly short of squash and shampoo.”

IAmADancer · 04/09/2022 20:29

Hi,
we actually had our twins birthday party today and asked for no presents. We explained they had lots of toys and as kind as it was, they didn’t need anything else.

we set up a go fund me page, so for anyone that did want to contribute in some way it would go to charity, but it wasn’t expected. It worked really well, no one bought presents with them and we got some lovely donations which will go to a good cause.

Cheeseballer · 04/09/2022 20:32

Went to a wedding once and the invite said 'no presents needed, your presence is enough' or something like that

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/09/2022 20:37

PimmsOfCourse · 04/09/2022 17:06

I don't think you can say that
You don't really know the ins and outs of people's finances.
I would just let people work it out
You can say gifts not necessary but it's a bit odd for a child's birthday party. I have never seen it to be quite honest

It's becoming more and more common, because a) landfill and b) cost of living.

so @PimmsOfCourse yes you can say it and it will go down well

Just say, we're really looking forward to seeing you - no gifts please, just bring yourself.

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