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AIBU?

Lie ins on the weekend

37 replies

Breezyy · 04/09/2022 12:20

Hi would love some outsider perspective on this.

DS is 6 months, he sleeps half 8 til 4/5 am for a feed then sleeps most days for another 3 hours.

I am on maternity leave and husband works 5 days a week, he wakes 6.30 am ish and is home around 5.30 then does some work at home too. He is very hands on so does what he can with baby at all times so I appreciate that so much. The only problem we have is the sleep on weekends, on Saturday he woke up for the night feed 5 am and then 8.30 am before I woke up a little later. Then Sunday I woke up and did the 5 am feed and baby woke almost 9, I was so tired I asked him to feed baby.

Then I had slept a good couple of hours and he was not happy when I woke as he had work to do (he brings work home evenings and has to do things on weekend). I tried explaining I am so tired from having that broken sleep during the weekdays that my body struggles by the time weekend hits. Also baby does not nap for long during the day for me to nap properly.

He said as he did the shift saturday that he should have had a lie in on Sunday and not woken up for the feeds. Just to add, i struggle to fall asleep, always have so i could get into bed at 10 and not fall asleep for a few hours whereas husband is knocked out as soon as his head hits the pillow. I might be unfair having slept on the Sunday but I am just so tired after the week is over, sometimes DS might have a day where he feeds 5 am then is a struggle to put to sleep again. There are days where he is difficult and unsettled during the day and feels like he has been stuck to me the whole day, I try to explain this wears me out but I dont thibk husband fully gets it.

Outsider perspective please, thankyou!

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Whataretheodds · 04/09/2022 12:26

Is your husband bringing work home in the evenings and also at weekends - is that normal?

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luxxlisbon · 04/09/2022 12:28

I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s only you ever allowed a lie in though. I’ve not long come off maternity leave and it can be tough but it’s also tough for your husband going into work early, coming home doing a few hours with the baby and then getting back to more work as he couldn’t work late.
Your baby sleeps for 8 hours at 6 months which is very good.
In general alternate the lie in but be gracious with each other and talk about when each of you needs more sleep. Bring rigid and fighting about who is more tired isn’t helping.
Go to bed early.

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Breezyy · 04/09/2022 12:28

@Whataretheodds he is a senior lead in the education sector, and it is definately the workplace as well it is a lot of work so ends up spending a few hours every evening and then Sunday is additional work day.

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KangarooKenny · 04/09/2022 12:30

I agree that you should have a Saturday or Sunday each, not both.

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Breezyy · 04/09/2022 12:31

@luxxlisbon agree, I definately don't expect to hog the lie ins I just wish he would understand how tired I get. Work is tiring but baby just comes with another level of tirenedness and work I feel.

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Rainbowqueeen · 04/09/2022 12:33

Yes one day each on weekend.

I think you should be working on improving your own sleep habits. There are lots of resources around. It’s not normal to take hours to get to sleep each night
Also do you ever nap when baby does? Try that too.

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BendingSpoons · 04/09/2022 12:36

I think the issue here is your sleeping (said kindly from a fellow insomniac). On the face of it, it sounds like you should be getting enough sleep. A lie in until ?9/9.30 on Saturday and sleeping until 8.30 the rest of the week with a night feed at 5am. Your DH is reasonable to want 1 lie in a week. However I understand that your sleeping patterns may mean you are actually far more tired than him.

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MargaretThursday · 04/09/2022 12:36

I don't think either of you is unreasonable.

You are tired. I remember that feeling well.
He is probably also tired.

I do take his point that he did Saturday so expected you to do Sunday, which is a reasonable share.

I also know what you mean about broken sleep.

There isn't really enough sleep/me time to go round when they're small, and you both have to compromise, and it's very easy to get into the thinking that the other one has it easier.
You can envy him that he walks out of the door and gets adult time-able to eat lunch without holding a niggly baby seemed a treat for a while, and as for going to the toilet on my own!!!
He sees you having a relaxed day at home with lovely baby able to do what you want when you want.

Neither is quite true!

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Topgub · 04/09/2022 12:36

Basically you don't value his work.

You think being at home with 1 baby is more tiring than working the hours your oh does and doing his bit with the baby.

Its not.

The lie inside at the weekend should be shared

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Daisymae55 · 04/09/2022 12:38

I get you, it’s hard and tiring. But I think the lie ins need to be split equally regardless. I hate the whole “nap when the baby naps” thing as a lot of the time it’s not doable but if I’m extremely tired I do chin off other jobs and have a snooze when she does and that helps hugely. It sounds like he works very hard but also makes a lot of effort to accommodate baby and helping so I think you need to play fair here.

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Workyticket · 04/09/2022 12:40

Weekends should absolutely be shared lie ins. One each.

We always had set days - him Saturday, me Sunday. We'd swap of I was wrecked Friday night or if one of us was going out or whatever

Your baby sleeps 8 hours then goes back off - that really is opportunity for enough sleep!

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BendingSpoons · 04/09/2022 12:40

Also just to add to my post, once I had 2 children I worked very hard on my sleep hygiene e.g. roughly the same bed time each night, stopping eating/drinking hours before bed etc. It really helped.

Don't play the competitive tiredness game. Your DH seems to have a tiring job. He doesn't seem to have it easier than you. Remember that when you last worked, you didn't also have a baby, and your DH is now juggling both. My work days and my days at home with the kids are both tiring in different ways.

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Workyticket · 04/09/2022 12:43

Also - I'm guessing he's FE or HE if he's working already? Or maybe Scotland 🤔

I'm in FE - Interviewing and enrolling / desperately re-arranging curriculum stuff. It's brutal atm and I've been working ridiculous hours.

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Breezyy · 04/09/2022 12:43

Thank you everyone! Useful as I did not think of some of the things a few of you have mentioned.

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Triffid1 · 04/09/2022 12:44

I do think a lie in each is fair. Your mistake was not taking a proper lie in on Saturday if you were knackered. And I do agree that you should.perhaps try to work on solutions.for.your insomnia - your baby sleeps in really good.chunks so going to bed at 1030 should give you better sleep. I sympathise because post children falling asleep is fine but I struggle to sleep.more that 2 hours at a time. But it is up.to.you to work on that.

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GoneWithTheWine1 · 04/09/2022 12:48

I agree with him, take turns. One has Saturday, one has Sunday.

It's not like he's doing nothing - he's working a lot by the sounds of it.

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Whatatimetobealivetoday · 04/09/2022 12:53

Are you going to bed early enough? I had to adjust my bedtime during early wake ups and go to bed earlier.

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Jjones8 · 04/09/2022 12:56

It’s tough isn’t it…
My kids are much older but neither myself nor my husband have slept in past around 7.30/8am for years! In the week we are up on average at 6/6.30am and 7/7.30am at weekends. I think you need to figure out why you’re not sleeping properly and do something about it. For example - are you getting enough fresh air, daylight and exercise every day? It sounds like your baby sleeps quite well?

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Username1234321 · 04/09/2022 13:08

your baby sounds like a really good sleeper only one wake up a night and waking so late in the morning, I think you're lucky. I'd go to bed earlier if you're still tired. I was up all night with mine at the age and then starting the day at 5am, trust me it could be a lot worse.

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TabithaTittlemouse · 04/09/2022 13:12

You need to take it in turns.

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/09/2022 13:13

Weekend lie ins need to be shared.

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Cornflowerandchicory · 04/09/2022 13:19

Sorry, have I read this right?
You're on mat leave with one baby, who sleeps for an eight hour stretch at only six months old - and you're complaining that you didn't get a lie in on both days at the weekend?

In the kindest possible way, have a word with yourself. You have very flexible days where you can rest (even if you don't sleep) while the baby naps. You can go to bed earlier and get a solid stretch of sleep AND still go back to bed for a few more hours after the 5am feed. You're making this harder than it needs to be.

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Gizlotsmum · 04/09/2022 13:20

If he is getting up at 6:30 would he be willing to do the 5am feed some weekdays? Meaning you are less tired by the weekend and he can have a chance at a lie in? He could also do some work in the morning if he is ready earlier, freeing up some evening time?

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takemetomybeach · 04/09/2022 13:24

OP am I right in thinking that your baby is sleeping until 8.30-9 ish with one feed at 5? If so, you are one of the very very lucky ones.

Good luck when your kid is 2/3 and getting up at 5 every day, full of the joys of spring, and doesn't go back to sleep until 7.30-8pm........

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Breezyy · 04/09/2022 13:38

Yes I am grateful everyone and very aware of parents who wake up frequently during the night, I do remind myself of this ofcourse. I understand I need to tackle my own sleep problems as mentioned. Have had a discussion with husband and agreed on one day each and I think it was important we understood how each other felt with the responsibilities we have.

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