Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To want my sister to deliver my baby?

48 replies

lockdownbabyx · 03/09/2022 20:55

Posting here for traffic ☺️

My sister is a student midwife and I think it would be so special for her to be the one to deliver my baby. Il be having my partner and mother as my birthing partners and I will request for my sister to be my midwife (aswell as a senior midwife). Has anyone ever made a request like this?

OP posts:

DesignerRecliner · 03/09/2022 21:03

If she's on placement at the hospital you're planning to deliver at she could well be there, but no necessarily 'treat' you. Could she be a birthing partner if she's not on shift?

Poppins2016 · 03/09/2022 21:04

Plenty of people do this. But do be aware of the pros and cons... are you happy for her to do intimate examinations/care, for example? Will she listen to you as you'd wish? What happens if something goes wrong? Would she be OK with a last minute change of mind, should you decide to change your plan to involve her?

A friend had a relative as a midwife and things did go wrong (through no fault of the midwife, I hasten to add). Both parties were traumatised (friend almost died) and the midwife later admitted it had been an unwise idea to attend the birth in light of what had happened. Having said that, that situation is uncommon and I know of plenty of other people (a mother and daughter, for example) who have had wonderful experiences.

Just make sure you think about all eventualities before making your decision, is my key advice!

Jalepenojello · 03/09/2022 21:05

I think you’re being highly unrealistic and a bit naive.

Christonabike37 · 03/09/2022 21:05

If its what you want. It would be my idea of hell my sister watching that tbh but I also wouldn't have my mother. Some families are closer tha. Others. If its what you want and she's happy to, why not.

She won't be able to be solely in charge. Conflict of interest, but she can assist.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 03/09/2022 21:05

Have you asked your sister whether she wants to do this?

Peashoots · 03/09/2022 21:08

Jalepenojello · 03/09/2022 21:05

I think you’re being highly unrealistic and a bit naive.

Not at all unrealistic. Midwives (and students, under supervision) care for friends and family all the time. Trusts will usually have a caring for friends and family policy that midwives must strictly adhere to, with a plan put in place by management.
@Poppins2016 makes a really good post and they’re all points to be considered.
good luck OP, I hope it works out for you 😊

JustLyra · 03/09/2022 21:08

That’s a lot of pressure to put on a student midwife imo.

Has your sister ever mentioned being involved in your care?

Itwasntright · 03/09/2022 21:10

The state the NHS is in i expect you'll be expected to get whoever you are given and happens to be available.

PopGoesBang · 03/09/2022 21:10

Had my dd start of August. Had a student midwife looking after me. That morning she'd delivered her sisters daughter in the hospital, so must be doable and if you are both happy with it why not.

MarmiteCoriander · 03/09/2022 21:13

Would she be on placement in the hospital you plan to give birth in, at that time? Surely she would either need to be on placement or employed by that trust at the time of birth to be insured? I'd have her as a birth partner instead and IF the actual midwife is happy with more involvement from her- then so be it.

BeanieTeen · 03/09/2022 21:18

I don’t see how she can guarantee to deliver your baby. What if you go into labour when she’s just come off a shift? I don’t think you can request a particular midwife for a birth it sounds like a logistical nightmare. But I may be mistaken.

Goldbar · 03/09/2022 21:20

I wouldn't ask this of her. I really hope for both of you that nothing goes wrong (and indeed most births do go smoothly) but imo a degree of professional detachment is necessary in high-risk medical situations (and all births have the potential to become high-risk quite quickly).

Lacdepassy · 03/09/2022 21:20

We wouldn't allow it at our trust. Lovely if it all goes well but your sister is not the best professional to look after you if things start to unravel. Obstetric emergencies happen quickly and we all jump into position to deal with it.

If things do go wrong, she will stress and stop being your Midwife and become emotionally your sister. It can be very traumatic for her.

hewouldwouldnthe · 03/09/2022 21:21

Absolutely not, ever, never! The hospital wouldn't allow it for one thing, and if by any chance she was overseeing the birth she couldn't remain impartial and not emotionally involved. Sometimes things don't go to plan and you need someone clear thinking.

Great idea though for her to be with you are a birthing partner. Emotional support plus a second pair of eyes and up to date training.

Cakecakecheese · 03/09/2022 21:22

My friend was one of the midwives when I had my baby, by chance though, not a request. Having her there was great, very reassuring. She didn't do my episiotomy though 'I don't want to cut my friend!'.

Original poster

lockdownbabyx · 03/09/2022 21:54

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 03/09/2022 21:05

Have you asked your sister whether she wants to do this?

Of course. She also really wants to be a part of it.

OP posts:

Original poster

lockdownbabyx · 03/09/2022 21:59

Jalepenojello · 03/09/2022 21:05

I think you’re being highly unrealistic and a bit naive.

I'm not actually, but that's for the input.

OP posts:

KangarooKenny · 03/09/2022 22:00

When I was working it wouldn’t have been allowed. Qualified or not.

CornedBeef451 · 03/09/2022 22:01

My sister delivered her grandson but not in an official capacity.

She's an ex midwife and was there for support so didn't do any examinations but did more of a doula type role and actually caught him as my niece gave birth in the pool. It's pretty amazing.

LashesZ · 03/09/2022 22:03

My trust doesn't allow us to treat family or close friends, due to our emotional involvement clouding clinical judgement.

Andromachehadabadday · 03/09/2022 22:05

cant you have her as a birthing partner?

I do think you are being naive, tbh. Especially where you think you can request a certain midwife.

RainbowSlaw · 03/09/2022 22:06

If the worst happened and your sister was part of that in a professional capacity, would you be able to live the rest of your life without holding her at all responsible, without it impacting your relationship with her?
This is a serious medical event and I think you need to think through worst case scenarios, not just the lovely romanticised version where she catches your baby. You need her as your sister - anyone can be your midwife.

DiscoBadgers · 03/09/2022 22:06

What if something goes wrong? Not to mention, would you really want your sister’s hand up your vagina?

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 03/09/2022 22:07

I think the chances of anyone getting a specifically requested midwife is very slim.

But I'd worry about the pressure on your sister should anything go wrong.

Dragonskin · 03/09/2022 22:07

That would be horrendous for your sister. Imagine the stress if something doesn't go to plan

Flip

1 2