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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want my sister to deliver my baby?

48 replies

lockdownbabyx · 03/09/2022 20:55

Posting here for traffic ☺️

My sister is a student midwife and I think it would be so special for her to be the one to deliver my baby. Il be having my partner and mother as my birthing partners and I will request for my sister to be my midwife (aswell as a senior midwife). Has anyone ever made a request like this?

OP posts:
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 03/09/2022 22:11

I wouldn’t because if, God forbid, anything went wrong I don’t think you would ever be able to look at her in the same way again and at a time when you would need family support more than ever your family would fracture.

For me, it would not be worth the risk.

lockdownbabyx · 03/09/2022 22:12

Sorry to drip feed, a lot of people saying it won't be allowed etc. To be clear, I already know my trust allows this. My sister is also very much on board with the idea, it was actually her that suggested it. She will be on placement on the delivery suite at this time. I'm more after other peoples experience if they've had a birth similar ☺️

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 03/09/2022 22:14

My Aunt (senior midwife at the hospital where I had DC1) was there for my labour. The arrangement was she would be there if she could (shifts allowing etc) and we were to contact her as soon as I went into labour.
I can remember another midwife commenting they were grateful she was there as it was a busy night.

I was incredibly grateful and lucky to have 1-2-1 care from someone I trusted. I was so out of it, I didn't even think about whether or not it was weird for her to examine me.

It ended in EMCS but her involvement was definitely a positive experience.

lockdownbabyx · 03/09/2022 22:14

DiscoBadgers · 03/09/2022 22:06

What if something goes wrong? Not to mention, would you really want your sister’s hand up your vagina?

Of course there are pros and cons, she wouldn't my main midwife. She will be there as a student as she would any other birth. If all goes smoothly, she will be the one to deliver and pass her niece to me.

And no, that wouldn't bother me in the slightest lol.

OP posts:
Sparklythings1 · 03/09/2022 22:14

I’m just thinking of the episode of one born every minute where the girl delivers her childhood friend’s baby!

I do personally think I’d be more comfortable with a friend who I can separate from my life doing it than my sister though. Not so much the actual big moment but all the other bits. The internal examinations, the over-familiarity meaning you’d just shout at her instead of maybe trying to stop yourself and obviously the unspeakable embarrassing thing that no one wants to happen during labour 😳 I think if you’re both comfortable with it go for it, it would be nice for the baby when he/she is older

PattyChipspice · 03/09/2022 22:22

No experience but I think it's a lovely idea OP.
I'm really close to my sister so can completely see why you'd want this.
Good luck Flowers

WtoB · 03/09/2022 22:23

Some trusts dont allow this

lockdownbabyx · 03/09/2022 22:28

WtoB · 03/09/2022 22:23

Some trusts dont allow this

Mine does, thankfully.

OP posts:
Gottoomuchgoingon · 03/09/2022 22:30

I had a very good old friend from school attend. Not officially as she was in a midwife led unit and I had a horrible birth. She was in the room though and did the Vit K injection so her name is on my little card.

I loved having her there

Cas112 · 03/09/2022 22:31

Jalepenojello · 03/09/2022 21:05

I think you’re being highly unrealistic and a bit naive.

A lot of people request this, it is not naive or unrealistic Confused

iolaus · 03/09/2022 22:33

While if it goes well it's lovely she won't be able to remain impartial so for that I'd say no

It's hard to be the midwife for someone you love if things go wrong - it will affect the relationship

HOWEVER if things do go wrong and she wasn't there she will also blame herself (and thats the voice of experience)

She is unlikely to be allowed in all honesty

toomuchlaundry · 03/09/2022 22:41

If you have your sister there do you need to have your mother there too?

lockdownbabyx · 03/09/2022 22:43

toomuchlaundry · 03/09/2022 22:41

If you have your sister there do you need to have your mother there too?

@toomuchlaundry I'd love them both there. More of a want than a need.

OP posts:
Ronnii · 03/09/2022 23:03

I think your main issue will be your sisters shift and who she will be allocated to look after. When I laboured there were lots of shift changes!
I was birth partner for my sister and her baby arrived so quickly the midwives weren't expecting so I put baby on her chest.
Good luck for your birth, sounds great you have lots of support.

VaccineSticker · 03/09/2022 23:14

I come from a medically trained family, my father had always said that treating his own flesh and blood is harder than treating strangers. Stitching us as children when we had cuts was very difficult for him as he was emotionally involved. He had always said he would never operate on us if he needed to. Many of his doctor friends opt to have someone else treat their own family as they can’t be impartial and they can’t deal with the emotional stress if things go wrong during the op. It would be nice experience for your sister to attend as emotional support for you but nothing more.

Potato28 · 03/09/2022 23:59

What if she is currently with another lady?
Or its her day off?
Or she starts later in the day?

The chance this will work out is very low

stealtheatingtunnocks · 04/09/2022 00:06

You want your partner, mother and sister in the room? Plus a MW plus whoever the Labour needs - anaesthetist, obstetrician, cleaning guy.

it’s going to be a party

lockdownbabyx · 04/09/2022 00:13

Potato28 · 03/09/2022 23:59

What if she is currently with another lady?
Or its her day off?
Or she starts later in the day?

The chance this will work out is very low

@Potato28 then she won't be able to be there, obviously. I'm aware it can't be guaranteed.

OP posts:
lockdownbabyx · 04/09/2022 00:14

stealtheatingtunnocks · 04/09/2022 00:06

You want your partner, mother and sister in the room? Plus a MW plus whoever the Labour needs - anaesthetist, obstetrician, cleaning guy.

it’s going to be a party

@stealtheatingtunnocks exactly 😁

OP posts:
KeyWorker · 04/09/2022 00:16

I’m a neonatal nurse so it’s slightly different but if a friend or acquaintances baby is on the unit I always request not to care for them. It’s a horrendous situation to be in. Regardless of what you want I’d like to think your sister would decline.

lockdownbabyx · 04/09/2022 00:16

Ronnii · 03/09/2022 23:03

I think your main issue will be your sisters shift and who she will be allocated to look after. When I laboured there were lots of shift changes!
I was birth partner for my sister and her baby arrived so quickly the midwives weren't expecting so I put baby on her chest.
Good luck for your birth, sounds great you have lots of support.

@Ronnii yeah it will all depend on the timings etc, I know it can't be guaranteed. Would be lovely though. She's found out she will be on placement on the delivery suite at the time, so fingers crossed ☺️.

OP posts:
Dustyblue · 04/09/2022 04:27

A bit different, but my aunt, who's a senior OB, offered to deliver my baby. I was due to have my 1st age 41 in a small rural hospital and she didn't trust them😁

In the end my care was transferred to a bigger hospital. At the time I didn't think I could handle a close relative fiddling with my vagina, but after the birth I realised it would've been fine. And actually quite special to have my aunt involved. If things went badly, at least I'd have had someone experienced and close to be my advocate and comfort me.

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable plan OP, hope it works out for you.

Justdancers · 04/09/2022 04:42

Bad idea in my opinion
She can either be there as a midwife or a sister not both.

The fact that shes a student is helpful as there will have to be someone else there but its still too complicated. What will happen of for example she was meant to be resting after a night shift before your birth?

An exhausted person can be a birth partner but shouldnt be acting in a medical capacity. As a student the idea is that she is being assesed and learning from each birth, so it seems unfair to have that on a birth that she might have been up allnight before or when shes attempting to decipher results of her distressed sister

What if things go wrong? What if its your sister who misses something? What if you are in pain and your sister cant fix it, or your care in labour (eg access to pain relief, interventions etc) is poor. Youll be linking your sister in with that

My cousin had her sister as a midwife (unplanned as trust doesnt allow but it was a quick home birth), and it was an awful experience. My cousin struggled to listen to her in the way you would an authoritive midwife while panicking, and there was a difficult conversation about the baby being very comprised. They both feel it was a mistake

She been envisaging her in a more dola role, or brith partner role like her previous uncomplicated birth. This birth however needed a medical professional with all their training to do things like ecg monitoring, episiotomies and eventually some resus care. It was incredibly unfair to put the sister in a postion where she thought she was going to be the person to deliver a nephew that wasnt well and resus him

Not all births are calm and peaceful, so.e are medical, tense and traumatic

Just have her as a birth partner where she can support you without being involved in your medical care

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