Page 2 | Before first date? ❤️

Datingadviceplease · 2022-09-03T14:41:58+00:00

Dating advice please I matched with a guy online last week I am a doctor and he is a nurse - both 30s We spoke a bit Wednesday and Thursday with date arranged Sunday His chat was nice and he was trying to be flirty He has not messaged me since - is that OK? I guess he probably assumes as date arranged no point in endless ‘checking in’. I am very sceptical about OLD given the horror stories on here and with friends.

Original poster

Datingadviceplease · 04/09/2022 20:15

Thanks guys
Not sure who he thinks he is

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Hummingturd · 04/09/2022 20:18

I'll be honest, I really hate video calls. I really detested the whole lockdown Zoom calls. If someone suggested a video date I'd probably go a bit silent for a while too.

He did suggest a walk today, so it's not like he's given the cold shoulder entirely. Just wasn't up for more drinking and maybe feels the same way I do about video calling.

Going for a night out the day before a date isn't exactly the crime of the century either. Sometimes I've gone out only planning on having one drink for an hour, and then time runs away with you.

Or he might just be really nervous. Maybe it's the first time he's had an OLD match and meet up arranged?

If he didn't actually want to meet he wouldn't have asked to meet for a walk or to reschedule, he could've just stood you up.

minticecreamisjustok · 04/09/2022 20:19

He forgot the date, I doubt he would of got in touch had you not.
Move on from him, I think regular contact before the date is more reassuring they are interested and looking forward to the date.

Original poster

Datingadviceplease · 04/09/2022 20:23

Hummingturd · 04/09/2022 20:18

I'll be honest, I really hate video calls. I really detested the whole lockdown Zoom calls. If someone suggested a video date I'd probably go a bit silent for a while too.

He did suggest a walk today, so it's not like he's given the cold shoulder entirely. Just wasn't up for more drinking and maybe feels the same way I do about video calling.

Going for a night out the day before a date isn't exactly the crime of the century either. Sometimes I've gone out only planning on having one drink for an hour, and then time runs away with you.

Or he might just be really nervous. Maybe it's the first time he's had an OLD match and meet up arranged?

If he didn't actually want to meet he wouldn't have asked to meet for a walk or to reschedule, he could've just stood you up.

He was on a stag weekend

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Original poster

Datingadviceplease · 04/09/2022 20:29

FinallyHere · 04/09/2022 20:01

A first date is a microcosm of what life together might be like. Anyone who parties too hard the previous day, to be up for a pre-arranged date would not in my book be a promising prospect.

Best give this one a swerve.

If he is really keen, he will think of something to impress you. Mostly likely he won't.

Sorry but better to know up front.

He offered to take me a walk - be still my beating heart

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21reasons · 04/09/2022 20:33

So you didn’t go on the walk?

Hummingturd · 04/09/2022 20:38

Datingadviceplease · 04/09/2022 20:23

He was on a stag weekend

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So a planned event then? So he shouldn't have gone to a planned stag weekend because of a casual date arranged for the next day?

He offered to reschedule or go for a walk. He didn't stand you up or ghost you.

I think everyone here is being majorly over dramatic. You've never actually met him before but now he's getting completely binned off for going out with his friends, unfortunately feeling too hung over for more booze (but offered to still meet up) and not agreeing to a video date.

You should've just gone for the walk. I don't see what was wrong with this suggestion personally.

Original poster

Datingadviceplease · 04/09/2022 20:43

21reasons · 04/09/2022 20:33

So you didn’t go on the walk?

No I dont like walk dates; so suggested video date but was very 'let me know what you think' in my voice note

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Original poster

Datingadviceplease · 04/09/2022 20:46

@Hummingturd not at all - but in fairness he did know he had a planned stag doo before arranging a casual date. I havent unmatched him but I really doubt we will have any date. I think he will ghost.

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liveforsummer · 04/09/2022 20:47

So a planned event then? So he shouldn't have gone to a planned stag weekend because of a casual date arranged for the next day?

Well obviously not but maybe shouldn't have arranged a date on the Sunday of a stag weekend. He only suggested the re schedule as op contacted him otherwise i don't t she'd have heard from him. He's not responded to her suggestion so I doubt he'd have responded if she'd agreed to the walk either

HangOnToYourself · 04/09/2022 20:47

I hate walk dates too but also hate zoom calls. Maybe meeting for a coffee would have been a better compromise

Original poster

Datingadviceplease · 04/09/2022 20:53

HangOnToYourself · 04/09/2022 20:47

I hate walk dates too but also hate zoom calls. Maybe meeting for a coffee would have been a better compromise

My voice note to him was quite chatty and open ended - basically let me know what you think.

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goldenbag · 04/09/2022 20:55

Bin

Livpool · 04/09/2022 20:58

I wouldn't Bon off just yet but equally wouldn't be hanging round.

Although a walk would be better than video call for me personally - would feel like I was in work

Livpool · 04/09/2022 20:59

bin not Bon! X

Hummingturd · 04/09/2022 21:03

liveforsummer · 04/09/2022 20:47

So a planned event then? So he shouldn't have gone to a planned stag weekend because of a casual date arranged for the next day?

Well obviously not but maybe shouldn't have arranged a date on the Sunday of a stag weekend. He only suggested the re schedule as op contacted him otherwise i don't t she'd have heard from him. He's not responded to her suggestion so I doubt he'd have responded if she'd agreed to the walk either

Jesus christ, you people are mental.

She messaged him on a Sunday morning. I wasn't even out drinking last night but I still had a long lie in today and refused to look at my phone until lunchtime. How do you know he wouldn't have messaged her later today if she hadn't messaged him first?!

And they haven't met before, it's a casual meet up. You make it sound like he should have been prepping for an exam, or an interview or something.

Reschedule, meet him in person. Stop being so overdramatic. If he gives off arsehole vibes, then fair enough, you don't meet again. But all these presumptions because he hasnt yet responded to a video call request is just ridiculous.

"Don't know who he thinks he is" .... just a guy who is hungover, but wanted to still meet

This all sounds very hard work and OTT for something so casual.

FinallyHere · 04/09/2022 21:45

*And they haven't met before, it's a casual meet up....

Reschedule, meet him in person.*

Interesting how we all see situations differently.

In my book, he 'matches' with someone who he is sufficiently interested in, to arrange to meet.

In arranging the meeting, he either forgets that it's the Sunday of a stag weekend do or doesn't care enough to notice there might be a clash

It wouldn't matter to me why, I wouldn't be interested in spending time with anyone who is that level of casual in arranging to meet me. He has done nothing in my book to merit a 'second chance'.

I might think differently if the clash could not have been foreseen from the start, in this case it could have been. There isn't space in my life for people who can organise themselves.

Others may feel differently.

liveforsummer · 04/09/2022 22:00

@Hummingturd not mental at all just seen it enough times to understand the pattern 😆

Original poster

Datingadviceplease · 05/09/2022 02:07

LittleMG · 04/09/2022 19:53

I would like to hear from him once more just to keep things up. I left it like this on my first ever online date and got stood up. I then thought all old’s stand you up but they don’t in my exp but I did marry the second guy that turned up! 😂

He told me 'he fell asleep on the couch'

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Ivegottherona · 05/09/2022 02:17

Ahhh you have replied before I saw your thread.

I had similar situation.... got ready though nd then the person wanted to change the time later on the same day.

Thing is first impressions mean a lot and you should just be Frank and tell him his behaviour is shitty and inconsiderate. What get me is, when was he going to tell you? You've been kind OP too kind

Original poster

Datingadviceplease · 05/09/2022 02:24

Ivegottherona · 05/09/2022 02:17

Ahhh you have replied before I saw your thread.

I had similar situation.... got ready though nd then the person wanted to change the time later on the same day.

Thing is first impressions mean a lot and you should just be Frank and tell him his behaviour is shitty and inconsiderate. What get me is, when was he going to tell you? You've been kind OP too kind

I did not say anything after his last reply - just sighed and unmatched him

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Original poster

Datingadviceplease · 05/09/2022 08:05

OLD is fucking humiliating honestly

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Lockheart · 05/09/2022 08:13

This is a lot of drama and overthinking for someone you haven't met. "I'm not sure who he thinks he is" - probably just a guy who went on a stag do and got too drunk! People are dumb on occasion, it happens, and he probably values his friendship with the stag more highly than a tenuous date with someone he doesn't know yet. I don't say that to be harsh, but you're basically strangers at this point.

You'll need a much more pragmatic approach if you're going to do online dating I'm afraid. If this is the worst experience you have (a flaky guy you never even met) then count yourself very lucky! Don't get attached to them until you've met them a couple of times.

Original poster

Datingadviceplease · 05/09/2022 08:21

Lockheart · 05/09/2022 08:13

This is a lot of drama and overthinking for someone you haven't met. "I'm not sure who he thinks he is" - probably just a guy who went on a stag do and got too drunk! People are dumb on occasion, it happens, and he probably values his friendship with the stag more highly than a tenuous date with someone he doesn't know yet. I don't say that to be harsh, but you're basically strangers at this point.

You'll need a much more pragmatic approach if you're going to do online dating I'm afraid. If this is the worst experience you have (a flaky guy you never even met) then count yourself very lucky! Don't get attached to them until you've met them a couple of times.

You are right - thanks for getting me to get a grip.

OP posts:

Lockheart · 05/09/2022 08:23

Datingadviceplease · 05/09/2022 08:21

You are right - thanks for getting me to get a grip.

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If it's any consolation I'm also online dating at the moment, I know how rubbish it can heel. If you start taking it personally it will drive you insane.