To tear apart my family?

[IzadoraTheExplorer]

My fiancée split up with me, said he wasn't happy anymore (and I then found out he was sexting other people during my pregnancy) so myself and my baby daughter moved out. He wasn't overly kind to me during the last few years of our 12 years together.
I started seeing an amazing man. Loved my baby as his own, treat me so well, was kind, generous, funny.. I've not laughed in years like I did with him.
Ex then wanted to give it another go. Apologised for all the times he wasn't there and hurt me, and he has been trying and been much nicer to me than he used to be. With prices as they are I can't afford my own place, I felt guilty about our child and not wanting to share her so I agreed. But my heart isn't in it. He's hurt me too much, and I'm still in love with the other man. He said I've hurt him but he still loves me very much and understands why I didn't want my family separating.
Help. What do I do? Choose a 'secure' family I always thought I would have, or go with as naff as it sounds.. my heart?
Please don't be nasty. I know I should no better.

God, ditch the fiancee if your hearts not in it and see if you can make it work with the new bloke. You can't live a lie

Move out on your own. Sort your head out and the heart can come later. New bloke won't be impressed being 2nd best.

This. Surprised you even need to ask or even considered giving him a 2nd chance. Do better.

Why would you ever go back to your X, OK he's the father of your baby but if you have a great relationship with you 2nd partner, stick with that .

What happened was my current living arrangements fell through and I had no where to go but back with my ex (I'm still on the mortgage) and I guess being back there made me start to think how I missed having a "normal" life and family with our own house etc.. but I just don't feel the way I do about him as I do about the other man. Even in the beginning 12 years ago I'm not sure I did. We're just much more on the same wavelength.

Good god cut yourself loose. You don't need either of these men. Sort yourself out and learn to cope alone before embarking on a relationship.

Your ex only wants you back because he’s seen you happy and getting on with your life without him. Don’t go back. Think about how he has treated you. Don’t give him the power to mess about with your life.

You’re not breaking up your family, he did that by being a dickhead.
Leave the old fiancé and take some time out to just be with your daughter as a PP suggested, you sound like you’ve had such a lot going on that you could do with re-evaluating what you need going forward.
Look into financial assistance you’re entitled to as a single parents and into child maintenance payments from your ex to ease the financial strain of living alone.
If that is all too much in terms of cost do you have a relative you could move in with for the time being maybe whilst you find your feet and somewhere less expensive to live?

Your life with your ex doesnt sound very secure...
You deserve to be with someone who treats you well OP. Tbh i think some time on your own would be REALLY good for you, jumping from one big relationship into another seems like a good idea at the time but you need to make your own life. Best of luck.
Do not waste another day settling for your ex or you will be in the same position in 5 years regretting the time you wasted.

I don’t think you should stay with the original guy if tier heart is not in it, p but I would also wonder if the new guy would be willing to give it another go with you. You maybe need to move on from them both.

Leave original guy and go with the new man. It’s a no brainer! You will be happier and so will your daughter in the long run

Your child deserves better than being brought up by an absolute shit of a man. What kind of example does that set for her?

Ofc you don't go back to the arsehole. Kids need kind parents, not men who cheat and are bullies.

F you leave, you need to leave for yourself. Your child doesn't need to be in the middle of new relationships. Take your time and create a solid foundation and routine for your child before you bring anyone else in.

Actually the daughter will be happier in the long run of her mum can parent her without involving a string of men.

Get rid of the ex

Why on earth did you leave the nice man who treated your dd so well?

Well your family isn’t secure, so you may as well go for the new guy.

In an ideal world, you would live on your own for a bit rather than bounce from bloke to bloke, but if it isn’t possibly financially then it isn’t. But be wary of treating the new man like your daughter’s father for her sake and yours - it’s far too early to know if it will last.

Stop messing your baby around. How old is she?

OK.. Dump the baby father... As you're the primary carer get HIM to move out... He was the one who initiated the break up.

Get child maintenance from him.

Give yourself a head space.

If this newer guy is really a good catch... Start off by saying...

Im so sorry... I thought I should give the baby father another go, just as he is my baby's father ... I was wrong.

PS I know plenty of adult children with useless bio dad's... They adore the men who their mums chose after they parted from their bio father.

Get rid if the ex, you deserve better, and leave the new one alone, he deserves better.

Get yourself and your dd secure by yourself.

To be fair there are as many who don't 'adore' them, and as many again who have suffered because of the new man. I don't think knowing people who adore their step dads is a reason for OP to choose between 2 men when clearly she needs to be able to function without a man in the picture first. You could argue that makes her and her daughter more vulnerable, if there always must be a man in the picture.

You wouldn't be the one tearing apart your family....HE already did that.

If there was no sexting, then perhaps I'd consider giving it a second chance, but he broke your trust and you guys were engaged.

If he's messing about when you're pregnant, he doesn't respect you.

He wasn't happy so what's changed. Any does he want to try again?

Why did you move out with the baby and not him?

You aren't tearing anything apart here. Your fiancé did that with his cheating. Do what you need to do to get off the mortgage and perhaps don't jump too quickly into being dependent on another relationship. You and your child are the priority here.

your ex wants you because you arnt falling apart without him. once youve gotten back with him and its normal again, he will get bored again and leave you. dont do it