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AIBU?

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Original poster

Staying quiet around a sleeping baby

56 replies

Moofighter · 03/09/2022 00:06

Hi everyone. Just wanted your thoughts. I have a big family and at one stage or another someone's younger baby/ toddler has been sleeping in another room. Is it unreasonable to ask the younger grand children ( all boys under 8) to be super quiet? Some of my family go over the top with this and although the grandchildren won't scream intentionally, they make some noise. They are just kids themselves and wouldn't shout at them to stay quiet. What do other's do or think?

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/09/2022 00:10

Personally I think parents that insist on very rigid routines, total darkness and total silence for babies are on a hiding to nothing. Sure, aim for darkness and quiet for bed, but silence? In a family? No. Take the baby home then.

BeetrootBeetrootGhali · 03/09/2022 00:16

YABU

ShadowPuppets · 03/09/2022 00:22

I think there is a line - I wouldn’t allow my toddler to stand outside the door shouting if my baby nephew was napping on the other side of it - but normal background family noise is fair enough. I’ve had two non sleepers so I understand the anxiety around it all but there’s a big difference between normal chatter and the sound of playing, intentional screaming and deathly silence.

LesOliviers · 03/09/2022 00:29

I've never been a believer in quiet and darkness for naps. Dd will sleep through anything (even now age 4) and as a baby u til 6mo she napped in the middle of the living room right next to the tv. Sometimes it was on and sometimes it wasn't. I really believe that this is one of the reasons she sleeps so well.

ErrolTheDragon · 03/09/2022 00:37

You could ask them to try to keep the noise down a bit, but not to be 'super quiet'. Better the baby adjusts to sleeping with some background noise, as PP have said.

They are just kids themselves and wouldn't shout at them to stay quiet.

I should think not... in any case, an adult shouting would be at least as likely to disturb a sleeping baby so it'd be a daft thing to do.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/09/2022 00:38

Babies can sleep through almost anything. Keeping things absolutely quiet is only training them to be super sensitive to any noise. Don't make a rod for your own back. I used to Hoover, play music, whatever, while mine were sleeping.

Sunnytwobridges · 03/09/2022 01:21

LesOliviers · 03/09/2022 00:29

I've never been a believer in quiet and darkness for naps. Dd will sleep through anything (even now age 4) and as a baby u til 6mo she napped in the middle of the living room right next to the tv. Sometimes it was on and sometimes it wasn't. I really believe that this is one of the reasons she sleeps so well.

Same. I never tip toed around my dd. We all just conducted ourselves like normal. Now she can sleep thru anything.

DramaAlpaca · 03/09/2022 01:31

I always preferred normal noise around my babies. They learn to sleep through anything.

CandyLeBonBon · 03/09/2022 01:36

Babies can sleep through almost anything.

That's hilarious. Yours might have done. Mine didn't!

Strokethefurrywall · 03/09/2022 01:36

It is far more beneficial to get babies used to sleeping with plenty of noise in my experience - music, other kids, TV, vacuum cleaners etc.

Any rigid restrictions with noise/light and it becomes incredibly problematic as they get older and get ferried about.

HeddaGarbled · 03/09/2022 01:54

Screaming children, whether ‘intentional’ or not, should definitely be told to be quiet, regardless of whether there’s a sleeping baby on the premises.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 03/09/2022 02:04

As a mother in these situations when I had babies on two or three naps I’d be super chill about noise, knowing if one nap was cut short there were opportunities for better sleep later.

When the babies were on nap it was trickier, but I’d see it as my problem to solve, not the other members of the household. I would either bring my DC out for a nap in the stroller, get the other kids involved in a fun outside game while my DC slept upstairs, or suggest quiet time (maybe a movie, if on holiday), knowing that I couldn’t really fault anyone if it didn’t go according to plan.

In other words - I think it’s reasonable to try for quiet, but unreasonable to be uptight about it in a communal setting.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 03/09/2022 02:04
  • when the babies were on ONE nap
LegoFiends · 03/09/2022 02:55

It’s baby-specific whether they sleep through everything. One of mine did, one didn’t. But with a houseful of people I’d be taking the baby for a walk and letting them sleep in the pram. However, as a parent of older children, I’d be happy to encourage a game in the garden or trip to the park if it was realistic in those circumstances.

ShadowPuppets · 03/09/2022 03:13

CandyLeBonBon · 03/09/2022 01:36

Babies can sleep through almost anything.

That's hilarious. Yours might have done. Mine didn't!

Yeah, mine don’t either. I still maintain you shouldn’t tiptoe around sleeping babies but I think like so many baby related things, whether yours does or doesn’t do something is like 90% who they are as a person and 10% what you’ve done. DD was a shocking napper, but slept through the night at 3 months. DS can nap well when he wants to but is nowhere near sleeping through. Have treated them exactly the same routine wise etc. So much of it is the kid you get imo!

blubberball · 03/09/2022 04:16

I used to like normal noise around my babies. Hoover, washing machine, TV etc.

I've had other family members insist on complete silence when they had their PFB. It didn't do them any favours, and now they have 3 DCs themselves, they don't insist on complete silence any more

SquirrelCity · 03/09/2022 05:20

Came here to say - never be quiet around a sleeping baby! Be noisy!

W0tnow · 03/09/2022 06:24

As with most things, middle ground is always best.

TheCutter · 03/09/2022 06:47

CandyLeBonBon · 03/09/2022 01:36

Babies can sleep through almost anything.

That's hilarious. Yours might have done. Mine didn't!

This! I really hate when people criticise some parents for needing quiet. DS screamed when awake for his first four months. Getting him to sleep was a nightmare as he found it difficult to switch off. We made noise around him and he slept through TV / us talking then at 8 weeks, it just all changed. He would scream and squirm and would be so unhappy unless he was lying in our bed in the dark to sleep at 6pm. Nothing else worked. Whenever DH woke him up (by accident, making some dinner or even just walking across the bloody floorboards) he would just start screaming again. He'd fall asleep in the sling and I'd get on a bus and the bell would wake him up and he start screaming again. So yeah, we started asking for quiet from our guests. It gave us a little PTSD (sounds extreme but it's what my counsellor told me we had) and you never knew when the screaming was going to stop again. It took us a long time to get past it. DS is 2 now and STILL wakes at the slightest noise, we call him bat ears 😂 the difference now, is when he wakes up, he rolls over and goes back to sleep in most cases. DH can sometimes still feel the need to be extra quiet whereas I've relaxed a lot after chatting to my counsellor.

Very easy to judge when you had a baby that slept through noise. I used to be in awe of sleeping babies on undergrounds with the doors beeping and I used to want to tell family members where to go when they told us what we were doing wasn't healthy. Neither is dealing with an overtired screaming baby who slept enough.

TheCutter · 03/09/2022 06:49

Who didn't sleep enough*

NiceTwin · 03/09/2022 06:53

Life went on as normal when mine were napping, I would hoover round them, the dogs were still bustling about.
Nothing wakes them, fireworks, thunder etc.
Let the boys play would be my stance.

Choppies · 03/09/2022 06:58

I never used to tiptoe round mine for naps - then she stopped sleeping, then stopped napping…. Now I am quieter for naps - it’s child specific and so many of these self congratulatory posts are more luck than ‘clever parenting’

Onlyhuman123 · 03/09/2022 07:00

TheCutter · 03/09/2022 06:47

This! I really hate when people criticise some parents for needing quiet. DS screamed when awake for his first four months. Getting him to sleep was a nightmare as he found it difficult to switch off. We made noise around him and he slept through TV / us talking then at 8 weeks, it just all changed. He would scream and squirm and would be so unhappy unless he was lying in our bed in the dark to sleep at 6pm. Nothing else worked. Whenever DH woke him up (by accident, making some dinner or even just walking across the bloody floorboards) he would just start screaming again. He'd fall asleep in the sling and I'd get on a bus and the bell would wake him up and he start screaming again. So yeah, we started asking for quiet from our guests. It gave us a little PTSD (sounds extreme but it's what my counsellor told me we had) and you never knew when the screaming was going to stop again. It took us a long time to get past it. DS is 2 now and STILL wakes at the slightest noise, we call him bat ears 😂 the difference now, is when he wakes up, he rolls over and goes back to sleep in most cases. DH can sometimes still feel the need to be extra quiet whereas I've relaxed a lot after chatting to my counsellor.

Very easy to judge when you had a baby that slept through noise. I used to be in awe of sleeping babies on undergrounds with the doors beeping and I used to want to tell family members where to go when they told us what we were doing wasn't healthy. Neither is dealing with an overtired screaming baby who slept enough.

Show quote history

I agree!! My first didn't sleep very well at all so all this 'make noise around baby' bollox used to have me gritting my teeth a lot!!

GoAround · 03/09/2022 07:02

Normal life and the sound that comes with should continue because it doesn’t all revolve around the baby. If the baby is really tricky then the parents should play white noise and/or take them for a walk somewhere quiet. The older children should not ever be screaming though, even if unintentional, I would always tell them to stop.

e323 · 03/09/2022 07:10

Maybe at bedtime but you can't really expect it during the day or once they are asleep at night.

I was never really that quiet when my DD now 3 was a baby. I hoovered and everything and she now sleeps through pretty much anything. I think a bit of noise is good for babies!