Page 2 | Female friends

Rachellilllian · 2022-09-02T21:38:12+00:00

My boyfriend has multiple female friends, we don’t live together as we both have children in different area to each other. A few weeks ago he had a female friend around to his house, got drunk she went in hot tub and he didn’t msg me till she had gone. I was really upset and we discussed it and he said he hadn’t seen it from my pov, he was sorry and should always raise any concerns. This wknd he has asked me when we can see each other this week, then tells me he can’t do a certain night as he is meeting a different female friend for a drink. I have meet neither of these women. I told him this has made me uncomfortable and he has said so I’m not allowed female friends and now won’t communicate with me about it. I just don’t know what to do or think?

ManateeFair · 02/09/2022 23:05

@Rachellilllian This relationship is not making you happy. You have already had one split with this man in a year of dating, you have been told by his gay friend that he treats women like shit and you are unhappy with his social life. You are not compatible. YABU to kick off about him having female friends, but YAB even more U for carrying on this relationship which makes you miserable and paranoid and brings out the absolute worst in you. If there’s already been this much angst in one year, it will not get better. Have some self-respect and walk away instead of letting yourself turn into an insecure mess.

VeridicalVagabond · 02/09/2022 23:05

You've only been together a year. Relationships are not supposed to be this hard, or this exhausting, especially this early on. Only a year in and already you've had rocky patches? That doesn't bode well at all. First year of a relationship should be all honeymoon gooeyness and staring into each others eyes and butterflies and rainbows. Not this.

Whysolong7 · 02/09/2022 23:07

In all honesty what difference do you think meeting them would make? Do you think if he was cheating the OW would stop once she met you?

I think if you don’t trust him that’s a problem and maybe think of leaving but my DP has female friends that he knew before he met me I wouldn’t feel I could arrive in his life and clear them out because we were together whether I had met them or not.

thenewduchessoflapland · 02/09/2022 23:12

He had a woman around for drinks and they ended up in the hot tub together?;that sounds abit dodgy tbh.This coupled with his gay friend telling you she's cooled their friendship on account of his bad behaviour towards women.

I think it's time to change his title to EX boyfriend.

UWhatNow · 02/09/2022 23:13

Good God I never get threads like this. Op says her boyfriend is behaving like Hugh Hefner and everyone says ‘oh you’re controlling’ or ‘you clearly have no trust’. Blaming the woman for having perfectly normal instincts.

Look op, the truth is if he was absolutely smitten and saw a serious future with you, he wouldn’t be out playing hot tubs with other women. Opposite sex platonic friends are possible of course, but this is having his cake and eating it. There is a fine line between being a ‘trusting girlfriend’ and being treated like a mug.

Original poster

Rachellilllian · 02/09/2022 23:21

UWhatNow · 02/09/2022 23:13

Good God I never get threads like this. Op says her boyfriend is behaving like Hugh Hefner and everyone says ‘oh you’re controlling’ or ‘you clearly have no trust’. Blaming the woman for having perfectly normal instincts.

Look op, the truth is if he was absolutely smitten and saw a serious future with you, he wouldn’t be out playing hot tubs with other women. Opposite sex platonic friends are possible of course, but this is having his cake and eating it. There is a fine line between being a ‘trusting girlfriend’ and being treated like a mug.

Thank u, I just wanted some reassurance that I wasn’t being unreasonable and feel like everyone thinks I’m. I’m feeling really fragile right now, I love him and him ignoring me about it tonight has hurt but everyone is right that I don’t trust him. He keeps trying to show he is trust worthy and then does stupid shit.

OP posts:

allinatizzy · 02/09/2022 23:33

Honestly, it doesn't sound like this relationship has a good chance. There are a lot of red flags. You don't have to be okay with him seeing other women, one on one, even if he claims they're only friends. The hot tub thing would bother me, and I wouldn't accept that. I don't really care if other people think that's "controlling". It's one of my boundaries, and if he doesn't like it, he's free to dump me. It doesn't concern anyone else.

Marvellousmadness · 02/09/2022 23:36

Drama alert
Either break up.or deal with it

He is allowed to have female friends
Why does it bother you so much?
I know why. Cuz you dont trust him

Which means that either you are very insecure about your relationship
Or.
He is just not to be trusted

Or both 😆

fanjosaysi · 02/09/2022 23:38

Oh can people just shut up about female friends. His behaviour is not acceptable to op, it's not considerate, it's beyond most people's boundaries.

YANBU OP, BIN HIM!!

HelloBunny · 02/09/2022 23:38

The guys I dated who had female friends that I hadn’t met, were shagging all of them.
My DH introduced me to all of his female friends very quickly. I got on great with them all.

scooble · 02/09/2022 23:41

if you don’t trust him why are you with him? You’re wasting both your times. It’s not really relevant why you don’t trust him. If you don’t, leave him and move on. ps they’re women not girls

HappyChloé2 · 02/09/2022 23:42

Rachellilllian · 02/09/2022 23:21

Thank u, I just wanted some reassurance that I wasn’t being unreasonable and feel like everyone thinks I’m. I’m feeling really fragile right now, I love him and him ignoring me about it tonight has hurt but everyone is right that I don’t trust him. He keeps trying to show he is trust worthy and then does stupid shit.

Show quote history

What stupid shit? Do you mean “stupid shit” like going out for a drink with a friend and telling you about it?

StaunchMomma · 03/09/2022 00:02

Rachellilllian · 02/09/2022 22:41

You think I’m being unreasonable?
I haven’t meet either of them

You don't want him spending time with them because you haven't met them?

Why would he need your permission to be friends with anyone?!

He's a grown man with agency.

If you can't handle being with a man who has female friends, break it off.

Blowthemandown · 03/09/2022 00:07

@Rachellilllian it’s fine if they were friends before he knew you, but not if he is making new female friends - that’s a bit odd.

SammyScrounge · 03/09/2022 00:11

Rachellilllian · 02/09/2022 22:44

No I probably don’t as we had a very rocky start and split. I’m really trying too but I feel excluded from meeting these girls

Could he be trying to push you into ending this relationship? To quarrel over the hot tub lady and then be told that the next date cannot be because he's meeting another lady is contemptuous of him.

Original poster

Rachellilllian · 03/09/2022 07:05

Thank you to the people who where kind with their replies to someone who is really struggling hence being on a group asking strangers for advise.. I promised myself to go with my gut in the future with how he makes me feel and ask him out right things that bother me so we can work it out. I don’t have a problem with female friends, I have male friends too it was never about that. It was feeling like he didn’t want to meet them and there is a lot more to why I feel like this. When you say end it you don’t trust him, your probably right but he is trying and we have worked hard to make it work this time but he thinks telling me what he is doing makes it all ok but it still makes me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:

malificent7 · 03/09/2022 07:59

You are right to feel upset op. I have male friends but I don't go out on dates with them or bring them back to go in the hot tub. I only want to do that with dp. Dump asap. He loves having women fret over him....it's a non committal, power thing.

malificent7 · 03/09/2022 08:00

Why try and work it out? I know you probably love him but love is not enough if he makes you feel like shit. You are worth more.

LethalCocktailOfMindBendingDrugs · 03/09/2022 08:05

Hot tub = unacceptable

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 03/09/2022 08:10

I was all set to say YABU when I saw the title because I thought it would just be about your BF having female friendships.

However getting drunk one on one and getting in a hot tub…..choosing to hang out in the sea with a new female friend rather than come to see you…his own friend ending a friendship because of how he treats women???!!!!

He sounds awful. You just need to end the relationship though because it sounds like he isn’t that bothered by being with you.

Fairislefandango · 03/09/2022 08:17

Good God I never get threads like this. Op says her boyfriend is behaving like Hugh Hefner and everyone says ‘oh you’re controlling’ or ‘you clearly have no trust’. Blaming the woman for having perfectly normal instincts.

Look op, the truth is if he was absolutely smitten and saw a serious future with you, he wouldn’t be out playing hot tubs with other women. Opposite sex platonic friends are possible of course, but this is having his cake and eating it. There is a fine line between being a ‘trusting girlfriend’ and being treated like a mug.

^This. I was all ready to say YABU until I actually read the thread. Of course it's fine for a man to have platonic friendships with women. But that doesn't really sound like what this is. He's taking the piss. You're understandably not happy about it. I'd end it tbh.

Sunnyqueen · 03/09/2022 08:32

No he sounds like he's a massive slag tbh. I wouldn't put up with this shit, none of my friends would either. The fact his gay friend has dropped him due to how he treats women is a massive red flag.

scooble · 03/09/2022 12:11

Rachellilllian · 03/09/2022 07:05

Thank you to the people who where kind with their replies to someone who is really struggling hence being on a group asking strangers for advise.. I promised myself to go with my gut in the future with how he makes me feel and ask him out right things that bother me so we can work it out. I don’t have a problem with female friends, I have male friends too it was never about that. It was feeling like he didn’t want to meet them and there is a lot more to why I feel like this. When you say end it you don’t trust him, your probably right but he is trying and we have worked hard to make it work this time but he thinks telling me what he is doing makes it all ok but it still makes me feel uncomfortable.

how will meeting them make a difference? it’s not like they’ll be wearing a badge saying ‘your boyfriend shagged me’

Original poster

Rachellilllian · 03/09/2022 13:55

of course it would make a difference, if I don’t get to meet them ever that is odd? No?

my ex knew all my friends and likewise that’s what u do ?

OP posts:

scooble · 03/09/2022 14:03

Rachellilllian · 03/09/2022 13:55

of course it would make a difference, if I don’t get to meet them ever that is odd? No?

my ex knew all my friends and likewise that’s what u do ?

I’m asking how meeting his female friends will make you trust him. It makes no sense