To feel deflated and crap about mysrlf

[Kayos10]

Before I start I want to apologise for any offense caused. This is just how I'm feeling about myself and my situation and I hold no judgement towards anybody else in similar circumstances.

I started a new job a few months ago. It's working in the kitchens of a local senior school so I've only just gone back after 6 weeks off. I was so chuffed to get this job being that it's term time and works so well around my children etc etc. Happy to be back and in a good active routine I was in such a good mood today. Then I took a walk through the school and passed a teacher who I instantly recognised as someone I went to school with. I suddenly felt very embarrassed, wearing the dinner lady uniform and hat that I felt a little silly in but accepted after a few days in to my new job. I felt like a loser tbh. She was always one of the quiet clever ones so not surprised she's done so well for herself. But I so wanted to shout that I was doing ok, I did have a good job.. until I had children and was subject to the usual sexism in the banking industry and all opportunities where suddenly non existent for part time mum's. I then met my husband who was quite successful so was persuaded to stay at home and there I did for 7 years being mum to our 3 children. We then split up and here I am unskilled working as a dinner lady for min wage and relying on uni credit to top me up. I feel like an absolute failure and so down about it now.

I don't know what I'm looking for in terms of responses, maybe just some like minded people who know how I feel? Tia xx

I can understand how you feel but it sounds like you are doing well. Your worth should not be measured in earning power. You should feel proud of yourself - it works for you. FWIW I work in a school and there are children whose parents work in the kitchens, as lunchtime supervisors and TAs and I can promise you that we value them all. Anyone worth worrying about would not be judging others.

I’m sorry this has upset you OP 💕. But try to remember that you’ve found a job you enjoy which works well around your kids and suits your family. That’s all that matters. Many struggle to find that balance. And you’re feeding kids, that’s an important job!

Our jobs are just one aspect of our lives - they aren’t our entire identity and they don’t define us. You’re also a mum, a friend, a wife. Treat yourself with more kindness and see the value in what you do.

Sorry I didn’t see you split up so ignore the wife part - but the rest stands!

I'd be well chuffed to score that job, I think you've done amazing after what you've went through

I can't speak for all teachers, but I really don't think she will be thinking like that at all. The support staff (cleaners, admin, dinner staff) make a huge difference to the culture of the school. Most schools employ a lot of parents who want to work school hours only and so are very much over-qualified, same in my profession. Highly desirable jobs.

Slightly different setting, but I've known my office cleaner for over 15 years, we go back a long way!

I have said you are being y reasonable, only because you are doing bloody great and shouldn’t feel embarrassed. Be proud. You’ve got back out there, got a job, moving on in life. Well done.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. You have picked yourself up after a marriage break up, doing so well with your kids and have a job that still keeps them as a priority. I think you are doing pretty darn well.

You've got a job, playing your part to keep the school running, paying your taxes and being part of the larger community. Hold your head up!

You are working and should be proud of yourself, plus you can leave it all behind at the end of the day and go home and relax, unlike most teachers!

I experienced something similar when I saw a girl from school visiting her father in hospital where I was CLEANING THE TOILETS as a Housekeeper on a Saturday evening! It felt as if she was looking at me with some pity but it really isn’t important - I LOVE my job! No-one should ever make judgements about others.

There's something really fucked up in a society where a woman who is caring for a family and working hard in an essential role can be made to feel like "a loser".

I left a job in property as my boss was a misogynistic twat. After lockdown I started up a cleaning business.

I go to work in a shitty pair of bleach worn leggings and a shirt with my hair scraped back and no make up. I earn a decent living, I have amazing loyal clients some of which are now very good friends, and I enjoy what I'm doing as I don't have anyone breathing down my neck.

Yes I look like a sack of spuds most days but then I glam up of a weekend and have articulate conversations with people.

My worth isn't determined by what I do, but by who I am and how I treat people. Ultimately, I'm so much happier cleaning private homes than I was showing people round them when I worked in property.

If you're happy, then let people judge if they want, that says more about them that in does about you.

Agree with this. I'm an administrator in a school office and I totally get how you are feeling OP - I was in a highly paid professional job prior to having DC, but really struggled to cope with the stress levels and workload of the role once DC were on the scene. So I left, became a SAHP, usual story, I'm a walking cliche. I have days when I really regret having screwed up my 'proper' career and feel rubbish about it.

But....

Like you I opted for a school-based role because it fits around my family so well. I earn less now than I did the year I left university but the hours are great and I get the school holidays off. Most important thing though is that I bloody love the job and despite the low pay I'm much happier than I was in my £££ earning professional job 20 years ago. Being part of a school community is such an important thing. And believe me the teaching staff and most importantly the children WILL value you, hugely, far more than you know. Every adult who works in a school makes a difference and teachers can't teach effectively if there is no-one there sorting out lunchtime meals!

Don't feel like a failure, hold your head high.

DWMoosmum
Your life sounds like mine! Worked for a Chartered Surveyor for 13 years who was a nasty, bullying twat (he got worse as the years went on). My housekeeping job has no pressure, no-one breathing down my neck demanding everything needs doing urgently …it’s active, VERY sociable and it’s great to see the “before” and “after” (especially if the Nurses are being …ummmm….messy).

I'm a lunchtime supervisor looking after the kids and i bet you anything some of the teaching staff will envy you for the part time convenient term time job you have.
Don't feel embarrassed.

I've not read the whole thread but remember OP nobody has actually said any of this to you, only you have said this to yourself.
If you felt happy and satisfied with what you've achieved, you wouldn't be thinking this.

Deep down you perhaps don't feel you have achieved as much as you 'should' have, otherwise you wouldn't be comparing yourself to others.

Spend time training yourself to be kind to yourself, praising yourself for your hard work, then things like this won't get to you so much.

I voted YABU OP because I can see what you’re saying, but these are external measures.

You’re adding a huge amount of value! My 2, when they were younger, used to come home and talk very favourably about their dinner ladies / kitchen support staff / various assistants at school - all sorts of nice stories about things they’d said to them etc during their day which may have lifted their moods for one reason or another, may have even made their day. Your role is invaluable and I’m sure your teacher friend is more than aware of this.

I’m a teacher and I can assure you we don’t look down on any member of staff; everyone is part of a team and valuable in their own way. A school
or college simply can’t operate without kitchen staff, admin, cleaners, estates staff and so many others! In fact my colleague and I today were talking about the new cleaner at our work and how good she is at her job and how much we appreciate her, and also how patient we think the cafe staff are and how hard we think their job is - a good job is always noticed.

I have a teaching degree and a Masters degree and since having a child have been a cleaner and done several other minimum wage jobs. A lot of teachers find the job really tough and often become very jaded, I doubt she would be judging you - and if she would that says more about you than her. You have no reason not to feel good about yourself because you are happy - don't forget that that is what is important in life. I know I'm happier doing the low paid jobs I do then teaching.

You are supporting your family and doing honest work. That's nothing to be ashamed of, OP. Hold your head up high.

Without you the kids don't eat!! Comparison is the thief of joy.

Plus I bet you rock the net!!

Thank you everyone, i appreciate your positive comments. Guess I need to focus on my self worth and look at the bigger picture. Xx

Likewise. I'm a senior teacher at my school and my closest friends are my TAs. I think all school staff do an incredible job and are not paid anywhere near enough.
Not to mention the fact that your kids are going to benefit from you being there for them. In my case, I work long hours and my patience/energy can wear thin after a long day at work when my daughter just wants me to play with her. All I want to do is face plant the bed.

Without you the children wouldn't be fed
Hold your head up high !!
Good luck with the new job !

@CrispsnDips exactly. I no longer the waking up dreading work feeling x