Feeling ashamed for having not gone out of the door for more than once in the past 10 days

[Ohlife2020]

Everyone went to bed a bit later and then got up a lot later. DH needs to work (from home) so he's the only one who got up at 8:30. Then two boys and me all stayed in bed until one of us woke up usually about 9:30.

We were away for holiday for the most of the summer. Since we came back, I just didn't feel motivated to do much at all. I'm usually a "stay-in" type of people and wouldn't feel missing much if I don't go out much at all. The intense holiday plus the fact that we started potty training last week gave me sound excuses to not making efforts.

We only went to the shop passing the library one morning. DS1 still has some daily work to do for 11+, whilst the little one seems also just recovering from the exhausting few weeks being out and about in holiday. They didn't seem to feel too restless or too fussy about it. When they want to get the steam out, they would just go to the garden for a while.

I honestly feel quite content for doing little efforts to organise going out (so much work...). But on the other hand, I do profoundly feel ashamed, especially I can't even convince myself to change out from the pyjamas...

Anyone else feel like this? Or just me being too lazy? 🙄

I probably didn't make it clear. We went out once as DC1 wanted go to the library. So we went to the shop and the library. I also forgot we went to the dentist once in the first few days. So twice altogether?

We did manage to go out today. Still a long dragging to get ready and being held back for half an hour because DH was having meeting in DC1's bedroom (WFH) and couldn't get clothes for him. Then DC2 managed to come back with dry pants, with two wees in his portable. Very positive, I suppose. DC2 asked for playground. So I will see if I can take them to one which suit both big kids and the small ones tomorrow.

I have ADHD. Sometimes the stress just wears me off - It can make me a very unpleasant person and I feel bad too afterwards. So generally speaking, unless I organise very thoroughly and have things mostly under control to reduce any unpredicted stress, I'm avoidant to face up. Hence, staying at home sometimes is just an easy option.😑

Fine if it was only you, but I think it's pretty slack parenting to keep an 11 yr old and a 3 yr old in the house for a 10 day stretch (trip to the library aside). Even with a garden for them to run about in.

Did you miss the bit where op described their busy summer?

No I didn't miss that, thank you. I read her posts.

It's not healthy to keep your kids cooped up in the house for ten full days even if they had a 'busy summer'.

You're out and about in July so you then decide it's okay to hole up at home for an extended period because you can't be bothered? Again, fine if it's just you, but lazy when kids are involved. They need balance in their lives, not extremes of ultra active and then ultra reclusive.

It’ll be winter soon. Get out and about while it’s still nice. You don’t need bags and bags of drinks and snacks if it’s only a run round the local park.

We have weeks and weekends like this…this week being one of them, we haven’t gone out at all apart from DH who’s been to work.

But the kids have played in the garden on the trampoline, been in and out of the paddling pool despite it being freezing, set up the tent and camped in the garden, so whilst we haven’t left the house we have made an effort to be outside
in the garden. Also some friends kids came over on Tuesday!

I'm letting them have some lazy days before school starts up next week…

We also have the cinema tomorrow and some friends visiting tomorrow night.

sometimes it’s just easier to stay home, I know I’m a home body but I do have some health issues which doesn’t help.

Did you completely not read that they were away for the entire summer or that they go into the garden to play? Why do they need to always be out or doing something somewhere else?

Not getting dressed for that length of time isn't a very good example to set to your children imo.

They don't always need to be out but it's well-documented that it's bad for your mental health to stay home all the time. The garden is irrelevant really - it's still being stuck at home with no outside stimulation.

If OP didn't have children, it would be different, but a 3yo needs more than this.

OP- you say your kids have been running about in the garden which is something at least…. But what have YOU been doing about proper exercise? I don’t mean you need to be some kind of gym bunny or avid runner, but too many women of our age with kids let any sort of healthy, vigorous, weight-bearing exercise fly out the window. There’s a lot of focus (rightly-so) on our young DC’s ‘getting out for a run about’ etc but if we fail to apply the same principle to ourselves we’ll just end up adding to the numbers of people sleep-walking into osteoporosis, type-2 diabetes, cardiac issues etc.

I do get the pull to be at home (I’m an introvert, find I get overstimulated v easily etc) but I’d go raving bonkers without a good solitary run twice a week or a bracing hike, or a swim or two.

Personally there is no way I couldn’t leave the house for that long. We had a lazy Saturday last wkd and by Sunday I was ready to get out. I walk around art galleries with my daughter or we wandering around the shops in town. I know people have changed since the lockdowns but it’s really unhealthy. I’ve never been one for sitting at home though, love it in the evening if I have had a busy day.

I know we’re all different and that is ok, but I do not relate to this at all. I would go insane.

One bit of advice I was given when I was pregnant was to leave the house, for any reason, at least once each day. It set me in good stead for not being overwhelmed at the prospect of leaving the house with kids, ever.

sunhat, sunblock in sunny days, rain coat for buggy in case of rain, (nappies before potty trained, wipes, water bottles and maybe some snacks if we go to a park or to the field. Just mentally exhausting to think about all these before I even start getting ready.

Bloomin heck. Talk about catastrophising. Get some perspective.

do you work op?

I know to some of sounds relaxing but to me it sounds quite profoundly unappealing.

and given the entire tone of your op and posts - it doesn’t sound like it’s done you any good whatsoever

I read your thread op about your 3 year old having a severe constipation.

i suspect lack of movement probably plays a part