Feeling ashamed for having not gone out of the door for more than once in the past 10 days

[Ohlife2020]

Everyone went to bed a bit later and then got up a lot later. DH needs to work (from home) so he's the only one who got up at 8:30. Then two boys and me all stayed in bed until one of us woke up usually about 9:30.

We were away for holiday for the most of the summer. Since we came back, I just didn't feel motivated to do much at all. I'm usually a "stay-in" type of people and wouldn't feel missing much if I don't go out much at all. The intense holiday plus the fact that we started potty training last week gave me sound excuses to not making efforts.

We only went to the shop passing the library one morning. DS1 still has some daily work to do for 11+, whilst the little one seems also just recovering from the exhausting few weeks being out and about in holiday. They didn't seem to feel too restless or too fussy about it. When they want to get the steam out, they would just go to the garden for a while.

I honestly feel quite content for doing little efforts to organise going out (so much work...). But on the other hand, I do profoundly feel ashamed, especially I can't even convince myself to change out from the pyjamas...

Anyone else feel like this? Or just me being too lazy? 🙄

I'm inbetween. I love nothing more than being home in pjs, snuggled up, movie, takeaway, wine, no make up.
But I have to get dressed properly for the day, not necessarily a full face & nice outfit but 'daytime' clothes.
If not I lack all motivation.
Plus you don't get that feeling of taking off your bra, jeans etc if you've not worn them.

Since getting a dog again, I have lost a stone and have to go out at least once or twice a day for her..It is a lot better, just that moving about.
Beforehand, I too could stay indoors for up to three days over covid era.
Felt sluggish and tired.

I often don't leave the house for a week but no DC. WFH and exercise at home too

Honestly, I KNOW we would feel good if we went out a bit. But each time it was a huge push to get the courage overcoming "the work" to get ready for going out. DC2 is only 3. So still need to take a buggy and sunhat, sunblock in sunny days, rain coat for buggy in case of rain, (nappies before potty trained, wipes, water bottles and maybe some snacks if we go to a park or to the field. Just mentally exhausting to think about all these before I even start getting ready.

To be fair to me, they were also exhausted from the long holiday we had in summer. We went out everyday for 8+ hours. At the end of it, the two DCs were really glad they can finally catch up with some sleep and slow paced relaxing time, instead of being rushed around for sightseeing or activities. Usually staying in always leads to huge mood problems with DCs. But these ten days had been relatively quiet (touch wood!) and I only let DC2 watch Netflix on tablet twice. No TV at all. They just find ways to play or went to the garden inventing some games to chase each other.

But OK, 10 days is a bit long. I've really been stretching it. Maybe tomorrow, I can try to get up a bit earlier and get myself dressed up first and then it might be easier to get into the mood before 12 o'clock arrives!

But thanks to everyone to tell me it's not unusual to feel homebody myself - only really need to make an effort for the DCs...

To be fair .. it's not a herd of buffalo, it's two kids. Think you're over thinking the 'effort' involved in leaving the house a bit🙄

If you don't go out what exercise are you getting though?

I love being at home too so I do understand but I have a 2 year old who just needs to get out, even if an hour in the park. I do think once in ten days with children is too little 🙈

I love being at home but after a couple of days I have a real need to get out even if it’s just to a big field for a walk with the dc. Even when I’m not really in the mood just getting out always makes me feel so much better. I definitely wouldn’t keep dc at home for so long.

I used to have a job where I’d move around a lot and go from hotel to hotel in different countries. I’d get home and quite happily stay there. I’m still a home bird. Happily stay home, but dh wants to go out and about and has ants in his pants.

The health problems our population is going to have if people carry on like this is scary. General movement is required to maintain your strength.

How about preparing a bag the night before? Prepare snacks, water bottles, raincoats etc then after breakfast you just grab the bag and head out. It doesn't have to be a big day out. My children love nothing more than taking a ball to the park. I like going out in the morning because it energises you for the rest of the day and it means you can justify having a relaxing afternoon. We'd all be so lethargic if we didn't leave the house for 10 days. We've also had full on holidays this summer (in fact THREE full on holidays!) but we'd take one or 2 days to recover. Not ten.

I don't think you are lazy but I would not be happy doing it for that long and my Daughter would have a fit if I stayed at home with her that long too.

I'm a real homebody so believe me, I get how appealing it is to stay home, but what about exercise for you and the kids? Surely a 3yo needs a good run about, to get out and explore? It's really not healthy for anyone to spend days on end cooped up inside.

It’s also really bad for eyesight - your eyes need the opportunity to focus on things a long way away so the muscles get used.

I must have sounded absolutely bonkers in lockdown exhorting my kids to gaze into the distance on our daily walks!

Personally, I would hate that. No fresh air or proper exercise for 10 days.

Have you not left the house at all in 10 days? Have your children not left the house at all?

That’s not good - at all - for you, or them. A couple of days chilling out? Fine. Though I’d still take children out every day, rain or shine, but ten days?! Unless you live in a mansion with a huge garden you’re being very unreasonable.

Go and get showered, dressed and go out - now. Walk to the shops, library or take your kids to the park.

I went out yesterday to the dentist, before that I can’t remember, weeks?

Im retired and live alone. I get dressed every day and do physical stuff like gardening and DIY. I never get lonely or bored, I’ve got plenty of hobbies and chores to get done each day, but if I don’t …..there’s always tomorrow.

I sometimes think I should get on the phone and organise a meet up or something, but then I usually put it off as I’m not in the mood. I’m not a bah humbug person, I just seem to be entirely happy and fulfilled in my own company.

I think I have always been a bit out of my comfort zone when working, bringing up a child, even being married. I guess that’s the beauty of being retired (if you have enough money) you can do what you like.

Yes, I’ve always felt that I was out of synch with the majority. Now I mostly feel that I’m old enough to know what I like and don’t let others opinions bother me.

I actually think I’m incredibly lucky to be like this. When I’m much much older and until I start being unable to walk, see or hear, I’m pretty sure I’ll not need duty visits from family just because mum’s lonely.

I see that despite the fact that you have clearly said that your children spend time playing and running around in the garden, half of Mumsnet has now decided they aren't being active and are withering from lack of air and sunlight.

Personally, I think it's fine. You've just been on a long holiday where you were out all day, every day. Your kids are showing no signs of being grumpy or feeling cooped up, and they are enjoying having the chance to invent their own games and play outside together. In your second post you mention that they haven't been watching TV or glued to screens at all, so this sounds like a nice relaxing time to me.

As you say, you know it's good to get out with the kids, but I don't think a week and a half without a planned activity is actually that big a deal, especially when you've just had a long, extremely busy holiday. And as well it being good for kids to be taken on days out, it's also good for them to invent their own games and have some autonomy in how they spend their time and to learn to entertain themselves. An awful lot of creativity and invention springs from boredom!

Each to their own! I don’t think I’ve ever spent a whole day at home apart from when I had Covid but I do live in a small flat with no outdoor space.

An 11 year old not going out meeting other kids is appalling for their development and could have awful effects on the adult life

They need more activity and stimulation than this. Being cooped up at home for 10 days is not ok.

Just go for a walk once a day, doesn't have to be a big activity. Take the little one to the park. Arrange playdates for your older one.

If you think you may be struggling with your wellbeing make an appointment to see a hcp.

It's bizarre you think it's 'mentally exhausting' to get two kids (one who can sort himself out) out of the house.

I see that despite the fact that you have clearly said that your children spend time playing and running around in the garden, half of Mumsnet has now decided they aren't being active and are withering from lack of air and sunlight.

Running around in the garden is hardly comparable to getting out for proper exercise though, and I say that as someone who's naturally an introverted homebody. I can happily spend a day or two at home but I know it's not good for me to do that for long periods of time.

And let's face it, for three year olds, it's not just about exercise and sunshine. It's about socialising with other children in the park or at soft play, learning how to behave in public (in cafés, in shops, crossing the road) and experiencing new things and new places. Being cooped up in the same four walls for days on end isn't healthy for adults, let alone children.

I don't have DC but it's just time for me. WFH, can't move from my desk. I do "proper" exercise, it just happens to be at home rather than a gym or outside