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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel this way about end of school holidays

68 replies

Worriedmum40284 · 01/09/2022 16:11

I've struggled this summer holiday and have been counting down until schools go back for a while. Have a 6yo and 2yo and work full time. Work has been incredibly busy and I've had to work many extra hours, including when I'm meant to have been on leave. Feeling very stressed by it.

I've run out of things to do with the kids, am getting really snappy and impatient with the constant demands from my eldest. He's a good kid but it still feels relentless and there is a constant complaint, ask, or criticism. Nothing feels good enough. Then I feel guilty for reacting badly.

However I've just seen a social media post about 'soaking up the last few days before school' and it's made me really teary and I've stupidly cried in front of DS6 when he's asked me to play (again) when I told him I just needed a bit of peace and quiet for a while.

Here's me constantly telling him off and counting the days down and wishing the time away (and sitting here on MN rather than giving more time to DS). I know people say the time goes fast and you should enjoy it but that seems easier said than done when you're in the moment Sad

OP posts:
Dalaidramailama · 01/09/2022 17:40

@Worriedmum40284

oh I couldn’t wait for mine to return at those ages. I used to skip in on the first day with them 😁. Ignore the mother earths on SM.

For what it’s worth I’m a bit sad mine are returning this year but they’re generally a lot more pleasant to be around now and I have a lot more free time myself (they’re 13,10 and 7).

Hang on in there OP.

Sunnytwobridges · 01/09/2022 17:43

Nah, I think that's normal. I hated summer holidays when my DD was young. I'm just not the type of person that enjoys entertaining and planning stuff for her to do all summer. It's draining and gets monotonous and boring after a couple of weeks. I honestly think the holidays are too long, especially if you have to juggle work and kids at the same time.

KyrieEleison · 01/09/2022 17:45

As others have said, 6 and 2 are really hard ages. They're just not able to entertain themselves for very long and playing with them is kind of boring for adults

Mine are 10 and 13 and I genuinely feel sad that they're going back - and you will too when yours are older.

Don't beat yourself up ❤

Yellowblanketofdoom · 01/09/2022 17:45

YANBU. Everyone's lives are so different. I've had years when I had to spend eye watering amounts on childcare and then been left with sweet FA to spend on taking my kids out on the week I was able to get off with them.

I've enjoyed this summer but I'll also be glad when they go back. My eldest is autistic and basically moans about leaving the house for any reason. He's also started wanting to play alone a lot more, leaving my youngest floating around like a lost cause. They used to play together loads to entertain themselves.

dolly12345 · 01/09/2022 17:49

Mine are 5 and 1 and I am on my knees. I can't wait for my eldest to go back to school.

FreezyFreezy · 01/09/2022 17:55

I can not wait for next Wednesday when both dc go back to school. Dh & I will be able to enjoy 2 full days together, in the quiet, without mess or noise.

Original poster
Worriedmum40284 · 01/09/2022 18:07

SavoirFlair · 01/09/2022 16:15

You are not BU to feel this way - no one is U to have an emotion.

what do you enjoy most doing with your eldest? What things bring you joy together? When do you get time to do that with them?

im not asking to be goady, just to suggest perhaps you could do that as an end to the holidays to feel like you’ve ended on a high note

You don't come across as goady at all - we had our last day just as the two of us today so went to cinema to see something he'd wanted to watch for a while. Then had lunch out together and nipped to the park. Which was all lovely and I'm glad we did. It's just the second we get home it's instantly 'what's next mummy' and 'come and play with me mummy' and I just need a few minutes to myself and to do the boring essentials, such as hanging washing up. And it leaves a bit of a dampener on the morning as it feels like all that's lost and I'm still not meeting expectations!

OP posts:
KweenieBeanz · 01/09/2022 18:10

Everyone I know is always really glad at the end of the 6 week break, the kids definately need to be back in school!

Original poster
Worriedmum40284 · 01/09/2022 18:11

NoSquirrels · 01/09/2022 16:18

Please don’t take those social media ‘making memories’ posts to heart. You’re fine, your DC are fine and the school holidays are long and relentless for working parents.

What’s the DC’s other parent up to? Can they take some time with the DC so you can recharge a bit?

Thank you. He was working today - he does do his bit to be fair to him and has taken over now whilst I hide away. I shouldn't complain as I do have good support. Just feels like I switch between being on duty with the kids, to on duty at work without much respite. Which I know is the same for so many parents, I guess the summer holidays just intensifies that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedmum40284 · 01/09/2022 18:12

Softplayhooray · 01/09/2022 16:27

OP you're doing amazing...I'm switching jobs and for a one off basically spent most of this summer hols with no work until I start back just after the kids. Unlikely to happen again! But blimey it's so much easier when you don't have to work. Ignore these people on social media and never beat yourself up.

What about ending with a pizza and movie night on one of the last night's of the holiday, give a little prize or memento of the summer (even a small thing like a postcard, or a small something that carries memories of some kind), then announce that you'll be doing that pizza and movie night every weekend now, to have them look forward to something after each week of school. Start a little tradition, the kids will love it!

This is a lovely idea, thank you. And thank you for your kind words.

OP posts:
Dalaidramailama · 01/09/2022 18:12

@Worriedmum40284

Well for a start you do NOT need to play with your kids all of the time. They need to learn to get bored and to occupy themselves. I always told mine from the get go I was their mother yes but I’m not a 24/7 kids entertainer.

You need more than a few minutes to yourself.

Aria999 · 01/09/2022 18:14

I have a 6 and a 2 as well and they are great kids but ye gods the joy of having the house to myself again (if you don't count the electricians...)

DS has been off since 8th June, went back Tuesday. We have had some lovely day trips etc together but I am so over it. And so is he, to be fair!

LilacPoppy · 01/09/2022 18:16

Covid was a real eye opener to who actually enjoyed being a parent. It's really sad that so many parents want less time with their dc not more.

Original poster
Worriedmum40284 · 01/09/2022 18:17

Choconut · 01/09/2022 16:57

The problem is work - why are you working when you're on leave? Turn your phone off and don't look at it, it's not acceptable for them to take over your family time, they don't own your life. If it's very busy then they need to hire more people - but they won't if they can dump it on you instead.

Can you give ds a set time when you can do something with him - that way you're not always just saying no? What games does he like? a quick story, going out for a walk, making something fun for lunch together. Just have short times (before work, lunch time, straight after work, bedtime) through the day when you can do something with him. Work need to wind their neck in IMO and you need to put in boundaries.

You're absolutely right. Work is making me stressed and it's feeding into everything else. I've started a new role within my old team and I definetely to work on my boundaries.

DS not great at independent play (funnily enough my 2yo is much better!) But like the idea of having set times, think that would help both of us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Worriedmum40284 · 01/09/2022 18:18

CoffeeWithCheese · 01/09/2022 17:39

DD1 is disgusted with me being "sooo embarassing" skipping out of the car singing "most wonderful time of the year" today when theirs went back!

Show quote history

This really made me smile - thank you Smile

OP posts:
Dalaidramailama · 01/09/2022 18:18

@LilacPoppy

It was also a real eye opener to needy parents who have no sense of self or identity of their own. I’m fortunate that I can always have lots of time with my kids (and I do) as I don’t even need to work, but I also appreciate time to myself too. That is no reflection on how much I enjoy motherhood, but says quite a lot about you.

Original poster
Worriedmum40284 · 01/09/2022 18:20

Cordeliathecat · 01/09/2022 17:20

It completely depends on the type of person you are. I’m gutted the holidays are over as I really struggle with a regimented routine. I’m very disorganised and struggle with having to have everyone somewhere on time and fitting everything in. Getting the kids to school, dog walked, me to the office then everything in reverse at the end of the day, sorting dinner, sorting school uniforms and bags for the next day then baths and bed only to have to do it all over again the next day and the next day etc is so hard for me.

My husband on the other hand thrives on routine and can’t wait for the kids to go back to school and life to resume to normal.

Dont beat yourself up, we’re all different, no right or wrong.

That makes a lot of sense - I'm the opposite of you and probably verge on being over organised so work well with routines and structure.

OP posts:
PeasOff · 01/09/2022 18:21

LilacPoppy · 01/09/2022 18:16

Covid was a real eye opener to who actually enjoyed being a parent. It's really sad that so many parents want less time with their dc not more.

Alright sanctimummy, not every person wakes up and continues their day as Mary Poppins or wants to be sacrificed at the parenting alter.

Echobelly · 01/09/2022 18:22

YANBU, it's tough with young kids but, to use the old homily, it does get easier. This is possibly my last summer holiday of juggling childcare, but I'll never forget the bloody mental load of earlier ones!

Throwawaytoday · 01/09/2022 18:24

Back to school on Mondayayayayyayayyyy!

I adore DD, we have a happy family life with DH, but 8 weeks of childcare/ clubs / outings / holiday x working full time in a stressful job. It's been like the Fucking Hunger Games around here.

PeasOff · 01/09/2022 18:24

YANBU at all.

Juggling work and childcare isn't easy and you don't have to enjoy being a parent 24/7.

The pizza idea that a pp posted sounds really good - might do it with DD myself!!

CruCru · 01/09/2022 18:26

The problem is the assumption that all time with children must be “quality time” and packed with fun, fun, fun!

People who post on social media generally don’t write about the bad stuff - you took your children to a museum but the eldest whined constantly and the youngest attempted to run out onto the road. It’s all #makingmemories and #soblessed.

Today I suggested that we have a few minutes of quiet time. I love my children but I can’t cope with listening to them endlessly burble at me … and it’ll have been eight weeks when they go back to school.

I am a good mother but I am not a one woman entertainer.

Original poster
Worriedmum40284 · 01/09/2022 18:27

LilacPoppy · 01/09/2022 18:16

Covid was a real eye opener to who actually enjoyed being a parent. It's really sad that so many parents want less time with their dc not more.

I enjoy being a parent. I love my kids. But I have to work to support said kids, so does DH. And I won't feel guilty to say that I also get enjoyment from my work and career. That unfortunately doesn’t always go hand in hand with being able to spend more time with them and can bring stresses which aren't always conducive to enjoying every single second of the time we have together. That may not be right (and admittedly there's things I can work on) but is the reality for many, as shown by all of the other kind responses, understanding and reassurances given.

OP posts:
Northernsoullover · 01/09/2022 18:27

I think my youngest was 7 and my eldest 9 before I started to enjoy summer holidays. So that was 5 years of shit summer holidays. But it will definitely get better.

Sunshine9356 · 01/09/2022 18:34

I told my daughter it was 7pm (it was 6pm) and put her to bed! The silence is amazing!

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