AIBU to send Dc to a party early?

[TimeToInterfere]

DD been invited to a party next week after school. I'd initially said that She could stay home alone and watch Netflix as I've got to take her brother to an appointment and she can't come too. So party solves her being home alone. Only issue is, I need to leave 15 mins before the party drop off at Friend's house. I'm tempted not to say anything and walk with her to the junction, then she goes to F's house and Ds and I walk up to the bus stop. DD will get there about 10 minutes early.

AIBU to just do this without speaking to F's mum?
DD doesn't want to have to lock up the house herself and walk the whole way there alone. So I'm stuck in mum says no.
It's only 10 minutes early but I admit it would annoy the hell out of me if a kid turned up early to a party I was organising.
And this is the mum who 5 years ago called me and asked if DD would like to play with F. When I said yes she said "great, I'll bring her round in 5 minutes!"

Ask the mum, don't just turn up!

Speak to the mum and ask. What happened years ago is totally irrelevant 😵‍💫

Just ask the mum surely?

I think you know the answer. Whatever the history with the mum, you need to check with her before doing this. If it's not ok by her, your DD might just have to accept she needs to lock up and walk by herself (assuming she's old/mature enough) if she wants to attend the party.

Definitely ask in advance and explain why, rude not to.

Ask her, and if she says no, ask one of the other parents whose kids are going if you could drop your daughter with them to take.

YANBU to think that turning up slightly early would be fine.

YABU not to ask the other parent first.

Ask the mum don't make her turn up on her own early. If it's only 10 minutes I can't see there would be a problem with that. How old is your DD?

Id just ask the mum. I know many of the mums in my child's class and know they'd be fine with it but I'd always let them know first.

Too right you should ask the other Mum first!

What if they do a last minute dash to the shop and they aren’t in?

surely you just need to ask the mum? Common courtesy/sense?

Just ask.

I liked early guests and the kids were over excited and got in the way of preparation! Wouldn’t bother me.

Someone did this to me years ago, the days before everyone had a mobile.

I’d popped out for something leaving young teens at home, and had it drummed into them not to answer the door. One has ASD and a stickler for the rules.

They had no way to contact me so child was left outside in the rain. Had we known they would have been let in.

How old is your DD? Because if she's old enough to watch netflix at home alone, surely she can just leave the house at the right time and walk to the party? Why does she need you to specifically drop her off?

Otherwise your options are:

1. Ask the mum
2. Ask another family if your DD can be dropped at them a bit early and they then take her and their own child to the party.

It's 10 minutes! Tell her to walk slowly

Are there any other friends on the route going to the party she could knock on for? By the time the friend she calls for is ready and they dawdle to the party together the 10 minutes will have passed.

Or she can walk to the bus stop with you and back again to pass the time.

Just text her? Who cares what happened 5 years ago?

Check with friend's parent.

If DD is old enough to be at home alone watching Netflix, she is old enough to wait at local park/shop/street corner for 10 minutes if friend's parent says "no" though.

Yea speak to the mum. It will be really awkward for DD if she turns up on her own early and the mum is really surprised to see her so early.

Ask if she can go early and say she’ll be happy to help with any last minute getting things ready.

Are you in Scotland, OP? If so, arriving 10 minutes early is de rigueur. This took me a while to learn when I first moved from south of the border. I was 8 minutes after the advertised time once (which would have made me probably the first to arrive had I been down south) and every other kid was already there and the party activity was in full swing. Very dirty looks from parents who subsequently delivered their DD to my own kid’s party exactly 8 minutes late 😁. I’ve still not fully adjusted. Got DC to their last party only 2 minutes before the advertised start time and felt horribly late (& party mum pointedly said “Great, now we’re only waiting for [child with even laxer parents]” (who then arrived exactly on the start time).

Something of a contrast to the party down south where my kid was waiting at the party venue for the actual hosts and birthday child to show up, which they eventually did about half an hour after the start time.

Earliest I have had a kid turn up is 17 minutes early. I was still in my grubby last minute cleaning/cake-icing clothes!

Don't do it without asking.

Just explain the situation to the other mum and ask if she minds your DD showing up a bit early.

Another option, if the mum says no, is to do what my mum used to do with me and my sister before school when she needed to leave the for work about 10 minutes before us, and we were old enough to walk to school on our own but not quite old enough to lock up and leave the house on our own. She used to drop us off at a shop that was about 10 minutes further away from the school than our house, give us a pound for some sweets (might need to be £3 nowadays) and so we'd go into the shop, buy some sweets and amble up to school eating them and by time we got there the gates were open.

If so, arriving 10 minutes early is de rigueur.
No, I'm not but everyone is always punctual around here. I suppose I'm asking how early is acceptable without prior notification?
I suppose I'd let someone know if we were running more than 10 mins late.

If a mum asked if their kid could come early, I would be fine with it and plan to be ready earlier. If one just turn up I'd be in the middle of last minute party prep, and quite annoyed.