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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset over date night

28 replies

Maggie178 · 01/09/2022 08:56

Kids slept out at grandparents. Only happens a couple of times a year. Oh got bk late from work. Our date night together was riding our motorbikes to a bike meet where he met up with a some other men with bikes and talked about bikes. They'd stopped serving food so had nothing since lunch. Then rode home in the cold dark rain. OH asked why I was off with him.

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 01/09/2022 08:58

Well it’s pointless to go along with something you don’t want to do and then be grumpy and off with the person for not reading your mind.
If you didn’t want to do the bike meet up why did you go?

Sunnyqueen · 01/09/2022 08:59

Did you not have a say in your date night?

Mosso · 01/09/2022 09:01

That sounds shit. What had you agreed on?

knittingaddict · 01/09/2022 09:01

Did you not discuss what you were going to do with your precious (not being sarcastic) date night? I assume that you didn't because otherwise it wouldn't have gone the way it did. You have to talk about these things. It's as simple as that.

SamMil · 01/09/2022 09:05

Did you not plan anything in advance or was it supposed to be him surprising you?

ChagSameachDoreen · 01/09/2022 09:06

Better to speak up at the time than be mardy after the event.

Original poster
Maggie178 · 01/09/2022 09:07

We'd planned it but then he got home three hours later than expected and still wanted to go

OP posts:
Sunnyqueen · 01/09/2022 09:10

Maggie178 · 01/09/2022 09:07

We'd planned it but then he got home three hours later than expected and still wanted to go

So was the plan to go out on the motorbikes? And you both still wanted to go despite knowing the eatery would be closed?

Heyisforhorses · 01/09/2022 09:10

You planned it and when he said about going when he came home why did you not say no or get food first?

luxxlisbon · 01/09/2022 09:12

You both wanted to go, OH had to work later than planned but you both still wanted to go. It’s not his fault they stopped serving food or that it was cold and rainy on your way home.
Fine to be a bit frustrated the evening didn’t go the way you wanted but it’s immature to be off with him when he didn’t do anything wrong.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 01/09/2022 09:15

Maggie178 · 01/09/2022 09:07

We'd planned it but then he got home three hours later than expected and still wanted to go

So instead of saying “sounds like a bad idea, food won’t be served, plus it’s late and I’ve hardly seen you” you just went along with it and got the arses?

GreenManalishi · 01/09/2022 09:18

If you'd agreed to go on the bike meet, the only bit of that that you hadn't agreed to was the food place being closed, and either of you could have called to check that before you left. And the rain, but not sure that's his fault.

InDubiousBattle · 01/09/2022 09:18

YANBU we have very limited babysitting too and unless there was an absolute work emergency I'd be upset if dh was 3 hours late home when we actually had a babysitter.

GreenManalishi · 01/09/2022 09:21

...in fairness you didn't agree to hm being three hours late either, but you could have said when he got home you weren't up for it, as too late.

Would he have gone on without you anyway or been up for a change of plan due to timings?

kimchifox · 01/09/2022 09:27

You could have just dumped him with the biker mates and gone for a burn up on your own! He wasn't intentionally late was he? One day you will laugh about it. It's just one of those days where nothing went right. I'm terrified of motorbikes so I'm glad you got home safely, albeit soaked and hangry!

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 01/09/2022 09:30

So you had planned to go out on your bikes to a pub for food and a meet up with friends. He came home from work late, the pub had stopped serving food and he ignored you and stood talking to his friends? That's crap and not what you were sold.

Sunflowergin · 01/09/2022 09:39

When you got there and they’d stopped serving food how did the conversation go when you said “dh im hungry and would like to go somewhere and get some food”?

Original poster
Maggie178 · 01/09/2022 09:42

SmallPrawnEnergy · 01/09/2022 09:15

So instead of saying “sounds like a bad idea, food won’t be served, plus it’s late and I’ve hardly seen you” you just went along with it and got the arses?

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Yup I just shouldn't face another arguement so went along with it. Looks like Im the unreasonable one.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 01/09/2022 09:45

Maggie178 · 01/09/2022 09:42

Yup I just shouldn't face another arguement so went along with it. Looks like Im the unreasonable one.

Show quote history

Well you are if you’re just expecting him to read your mind rather than expressing a preference!

alwaysmovingforwards · 01/09/2022 09:50

You could have just said "it's too late now, I don't really fancy it and we'll miss dinner".

InDubiousBattle · 01/09/2022 09:51

Even less unreasonable after your update. So it sounds like you anticipated an argument if plans were changed when he was so late and he wouldn't get what he wanted?

dreamingbohemian · 01/09/2022 09:52

What is the general state of your relationship? Because it sounds like he was doing his best to avoid you all night, of course it's upsetting YANBU

AngelinaFibres · 01/09/2022 10:06

SmallPrawnEnergy · 01/09/2022 09:15

So instead of saying “sounds like a bad idea, food won’t be served, plus it’s late and I’ve hardly seen you” you just went along with it and got the arses?

Show quote history

This. Why didn't you get order a take away and spend a pleasant evening together instead. Going to something 3 hours later than planned is never going to end well. Did you want it all to fail so you could be arsey with him. Looking back I used to self sabotage things with my now exhusband. It was a symptom of it all being shit really.

AngelinaFibres · 01/09/2022 10:14

When I was married to my first husband we used to schedule date nights. He would always be late because he didn't really want to go. I would be sulky and moody but really I was secretly glad because I didn't want to go either. Spending money we didn't have and sitting across from someone I had nothing to say to anymore was not something to look forward to. I couldn't see it at the time. I just assumed that marriage ,with 2 very young children, was exhausting and boring. My parents had never seemed happy and I used them as a benchmark. Is some of this what is happening in your marriage Op.

InDubiousBattle · 01/09/2022 10:17

I suspect they didn't get a takeaway and spend a nice evening together because he wanted to ride his bike and talk to his mates. Give that he was the one who was 3 hours late for their pre planned and very rare date surely the onus was on him to change what they were doing without an argument.