Christmas as a single mum and single first ti

[tearsandtiaras]

Mine and Dd's first Christmas alone this year as her father walked out on boxing day last year. A shock to me and deeply traumatic. He has seen dd (12))once twice since and we are both still in shock.

Ive no idea how to make birthday coming up special , or Christmas. We have v little family and none near. It will be just me and her. I am dreading both days, work full time and have very little time or money. Im also dreading her dad calling on both days. Im still in a lot of shock and have breakdowns when he makes contact and have been suicidal earlier this year. Ive always made her birthdays big events- with lots of traditions i feel mean nothing with out him and if i did them i may have a breakdown again.

I literally have no idea how to make it as equally special for DD whilst preserving my MH in order to parent her well and hold down my job

OP, I once watched an American chat show (Oprah I think!) about a young girl whose mum had died from cancer. Because of the cancer, they had (through fundraising) access to many bucket-list things: Disney, experiences, trips, etc. When Oprah asked the child for her favourite memory, she said “eating cheerios with my mom at breakfast.” I always think about this (I also have very little money). This is a lovely thread. I you sound like a lovely mum. Really hoping it all goes well. Your love (which shines through, despite your obvious grief) will see your daughter through this. 💐

Because he didn't post and she did?

Have a look on fb to see what events are on locally over the Xmas and New year period that you could watch/participate in. Carol services, the mad people who do Boxing or New Year's day swims, park runs, walks, cycling. Then also start buying bits for Xmas, festive table cloth, candles, make a table decoration, use one of those plastic charger plates with lights, battery operated tea lights, baubles, pine cones. I make several large brownies as gifts so stock up on the dry ingredients now - try the BBC recipe and the secret is whipping the eggs and sugar so it comes out gooey meringue like - serve with ice cream.

Just wanted to advise that you can self refer for counselling on the NHS. I've just done it. They sent a link within three days and offered lots of choice of dates. It will be over the phone but I feel its better than nothing.

I always do birthday cake breakfast with my dc. Every year without fail.

Christmas I have never done the same Christmas twice. Sometimes I've volunteered with dc in tow, sometimes I've had other people on their own over, sometimes I've gone to family.

I would ask Work if you can finish work an hour early on dd birthday. We always do take away of birthday persons choice. A movie, pampering if its her kind of thing..

Christmas again do favourite foods it doesn't have to be traditional roast. We always do Christmas Eve as our special day tbh.. it might be cinema, theatre day trip but always our day

Why don't you make her some home made gifts like soap, candle, biscuits, you could buy some cheap face masks- wrap them up and hide them around the house for her to find. Leave her a surprise letter for when she gets home with some instructions.

My sons dad left when he was a toddler and never came back. It is hard being a single mum but so very worth it. I can only remember good memories now he's a teen. You will be OK.

There are lots of pantos that do really good tickets for £10-£13 per tickets, great for Christmas Eve or Boxing Day!

Christmas lights switch on, get a piece of pork shoulder and whack it in the oven before you go and come home to pulled pork and stuffing rolls - maybe some hot chocolate and wine for mum 😛

church service - really feels Christmassy, getting dressed up and the hyms.

give her a budget (10 pounds or so) and take her shopping to buy each other Christmas presents, she has to come home and wrap her present.

go and pick a tree together, lots of places do cheap ones - doesn’t matter if it dies soon after Christmas! Spend December making decorations for it!

OP, you sound like the most loving mother. DD will be so pleased, thrilled, that is just you and her. Please believe this. Just light some candles, make the stocking, cook a simple Christmas dinner and have a tin of Quality Street/Carols at Cambridge/Midnight mass would be lovely if you have a church near you.

I do not see your worry about Christmas (same boat as you, it[ll be fabulous and TURN OFF YOUR PHONE) but understand your worry about the birthday.

Could you leave a small present or two hidden somewhere that will occupy her before you get home? You could text her the whereabouts? You really willnot be that long. Much love xxx I do understand.

Ask her what she wants for Christmas Dinner and if it's pizza or chicken nuggets embrace it and enjoy the lack of prep. Ask her what she would like to do, write down suggestions like deliver homemade cookies to neighbours, make a Christmas tik tok, have a drawing competition, make a film den, tie dye some cheap tshirts, eat pudding for breakfast, feed the ducks wearing tinsel, walk a neighbours dog and let her pick. I always remember the effort made never the cost. Also if you are feeling depressed can you find someone else who needs someone to talk to. Sometimes by helping others we help ourselves?
In respect of her birthday definitely Ask work, can you work from home at all? Could she go for a manicure after school as part of her present? Could she go for ice cream or a cake with her friends in town or at yours? You are doing a great job and that shows by the fact you are on here worrying.

If you haven’t got Netflix message me and you can use my log in for Christmas films xx

I am a lone parent to DD13 for 12 years.

There have been some lovely suggestions on here, try and find some additional support like through Gingerbread the single parent charity. It's free to join and there is a forum and lots of advice.

You can find a way through this, when your child is an adult she will tell her friends how amazing and resilient you were doing this on your own.

Yes, by 14 onwards, they and their friends know exactly how strong you are. Believe me (and PP!)

Im on my own with my 2 kids and i make it big! I do a massive dinner, 2 meats, tons of veg, all portioned out in serving dishes like the ones you see on US tv shows and a few different deserts. Doesnt all get eaten, so there are lots of leftovers for a couple of days. We dress up, and I mean really dress up, being on my own with them I never get dolled up as dont go anywhere, so we do full hair/makeup looking our best and they love it! We have a disco once it gets dark i put the disco light on and dance and sing along.

And then end the night with more food/snacks and a movie.

I want them to remember christmas as being big! With lots of eating, laughing and having fun, even if it just us, and then on boxing day its jammy day eating leftovers and lounging.
So thats my advice make it all feel bigger by doing what most other families are doing :)

I know a Mum is is a really great Mum & she sent her DD to holiday club on her birthday! Even though the mum is a retired social worker so doesn’t even work!

there are many many Mums (& Dads) that have to work late on their childrens birthdays, it’s modern life. You’re still going home & you could schedule a birthday treat for when you get home or within next few days! Even if it’s a posh pizza & Pringles snuggled on sofa. She’ll understand. She loves her Mum & you sound like a great Mum.

I have no family & I’m a single Mum but giving my DD undivided attention on Christmas Day eating chicks playing g with her presents is enough.

sometimes we just have to do our best to get by.

Testing chocolates not chicks!!…