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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset by this comment

73 replies

waitingwhilethepaintdries · 31/08/2022 17:14

My ds (6) has a friend at school and I went for a play date with his mum a few days ago, not the first time and we met in the local park.
His friend asked his mum in front of me if my ds could come back and play and their house and she responded "nope I can only handle so much of ds, he's ok in small doses"
I found this quite offensive but didn't say anything.
My son isn't badly behaved and gets along well with her son.
Anyway she has just text to see if I want to meet for another play date this week.
Am I being over sensitive? I would never say that to anyone about their child.

OP posts:

Fladdermus · 31/08/2022 17:42

waitingwhilethepaintdries · 31/08/2022 17:39

I had just taken the hint and not expected to hear from her again and so far I haven't responded. Maybe for my ds sake I will agree to meet up but invite other mums as a distraction.

For your DS's sake keep him away from someone with such a low opinion of him. She doesn't like your son but is happy to use him as entertainment for her child. Don't let her do that.

MeridasMum · 31/08/2022 17:44

I'd give her a call and ask her what she meant by her comment, then decide what to do.

Some parents are blind to their kids behaviours that other parents notice or find irritating. Just ask her. You may get a lightbulb moment and think this is something you could help him with for his future relationships.

Or she may be a complete cow, and I'd never have anything to do with either of them again (and use the previously suggested comment - you're only ok in small doses)

Albgo · 31/08/2022 17:45

If the kids like each other I'd brush it off and go to the park again if she's invited you to. Seems silly to spoil the kids friendship over her comment. She clearly likes both of you.

KylieCharlene · 31/08/2022 17:51

I'd meet up for the sake of the children who enjoy playing together but I'd not be able to stop myself from being a bit frosty am sure.

wonkylegs · 31/08/2022 17:52

It's rude
There are children I feel this about (well actually it's more the lack of parenting by the parents that I have issue with) but I would always be polite and at worst be a bit vague about future plans.

6yo DS has a friend that is a nightmare mainly because his dad (who he idolises) rewards shitty behaviour and rudeness excusing it as 'lads will be lads'
We still manage to hang out with them but always in certain controlled circumstances. It's not so much that I can't cope but more that despite being 'good friends' with DS he often turns nasty after a while (usually stuff like 'your house is shit', 'why haven't you got an x box, I want to play it NOW!!!', 'Give me your Lego, I want it, it's mine now' 'I want to fight you') and DS gets the brunt of it, which isn't fair on DS.

Her rudeness says a lot about her so I think I wouldn't take it personally or necessarily as a reflection on your child and cultivate other friendships.

Peoplepissmeoff · 31/08/2022 17:55

Sorry but I wouldn't be meeting up with her again, your poor son! If she asks you about it I'd say you and your son were hurt by her comments. Rude bitch.

Staygoldponyboystaygold · 31/08/2022 17:55

Wow! How rude!!

Doingmybest12 · 31/08/2022 17:55

This seems very odd to say this even if she thinks your child is a pain. Is there another child with the same name? I would find it hard to get over and would probably ask what the comment was about from a ' is there something I need to know 'angle but it might be something you don't want to hear. Either way why say this to her child about his friend?

Doingmybest12 · 31/08/2022 17:57

Unless there is an explanation I wouldn't want my child to think I want to hang around with someone who talks about them like this.

RandomMess · 31/08/2022 18:07

I think it would be

"I don't want DS mixing with rude, hurtful adults. No offence."

SunnyD44 · 31/08/2022 18:12

Sounds like your son is quite a handful.

I do think she was rude but she’s also being honest and on MN we always encourage each other to be more honest and say no instead of just smiling and agreeing to something we don’t want to do.

I don’t think there’s a nice way to say your child is a handful.

I would text her now and just say - can I ask what you meant by you can only handle ds in small doses? Do you think he’s badly behaved?

Her response would help me decide whether I want to see her again.

0blio · 31/08/2022 18:23

I had a friend who was brutally honest with everyone and she never hesitated to tell my children off if they were being little dicks.
You always knew where you were with her and I loved her honesty - she could take it as well as dish it out.
I think people are all too easily offended now. Ask her what she meant and listen to the answer OP.

PinkStarAtNight · 31/08/2022 18:29

I think that was really rude, especially to say that to her son, your son's friend! What if he repeated it to your ds? She's teaching her ds its ok to be rude to people/say unpleasant things behind people's backs.

I would ask her what she meant by the comment, just to make sure there isn't something really bad about your ds's behaviour that you are blind to, but unless she can come up with something genuinely problematic, I don't think there's any excuse for that kind of comment.

I'd be torn between thinking I should continue to do play dates for the sake of the dc's friendship, and thinking that I wouldn't want my ds being close friends with someone's mum is so openly rude and clearly teaching him that's ok!

watcherintherye · 31/08/2022 18:31

I agree you need to call her out on it.
‘Although I’m sure ds would love to meet up, I feel I need to clarify what you meant by saying you can only tolerate him in small doses! In what way is his behaviour a problem for you? I found the comment rather hurtful, if I’m honest.’

Paddingtonthebear · 31/08/2022 18:34

Just be honest! Reply and say “I’m a little surprised to hear from you to be honest! The comment about DS being only ok in small doses has left me a bit baffled and wondering what he’s done for you to say something like that in front of him?

YouSoundLovely · 31/08/2022 18:36

Paddingtonthebear · 31/08/2022 18:34

Yes, this would be my approach. Making a (yes, very rude) comment like that, one thing, but making the comment and then wanting to meet up is a bit WTF?

ISpyNoPlumPie · 31/08/2022 18:37

That’s really unkind. I have thought that about some children who weren’t well behaved but I wouldn’t say that to their parents (I might say your child did xyz, if I thought they’d want to know). I wouldn’t reply with a rude message, as tempting as it is, I agree with PPs who said they’d say they found it hurtful and ask the mum what she meant by it. I wouldn’t be in a rush to message though and I’d rather ask in person whenever I saw her next instead of texting. I think on balance that even when other people aren’t behaving like adults it’s still best to try and meet them as an adult yourself…

PainsandAches · 31/08/2022 18:38

I really wouldn't care about this to be honest

I can only put up with my own in small doses so someone saying the same wouldn't offend me

Dealing with other peoples children can be draining

DowntonCrabby · 31/08/2022 18:38

She was very rude.

I wouldn’t be offended, I’d just try and maintain the boys’ friendship and have nothing more to do with her.

Etinoxaurus · 31/08/2022 18:39

Astonishingly rude. Whatever you do don’t leave your son alone with her.

carefullycourageous · 31/08/2022 18:40

I wouldn't want my kid around her any more than necessary, I'd try to invite the child to yours for playdates and limit contact with her. But be mindful the kid might grow up to be similar and also say hurtful things so this may not be the best friendship long term.

carefullycourageous · 31/08/2022 18:40

Etinoxaurus · 31/08/2022 18:39

Astonishingly rude. Whatever you do don’t leave your son alone with her.

100% agree.

surreygirl1987 · 31/08/2022 18:43

Whoa! No way, that's so rude! And really mean to say it in front of your son especially!

notacooldad · 31/08/2022 18:49

Nothing like a dose of honesty!
For your DS's sake keep him away from someone with such a low opinion of him. She doesn't like your son but is happy to use him as entertainment for her child

But she never said she didnt like him, she thinks hes a bit of a handful, presumably boisterous and that is ok.
Ds 2 had friends like that when he was that age and he got pissed off with them as well if they were a bit too much.
They did my head in after a while, although I still liked them. Most kids grow out of being too lively.
15 years later these "kids" are lovely men who still hang out together. ( although one still never stops talking!)

HerRoyalNotness · 31/08/2022 18:53

I’d ignore what she said and meet up

i can only take people and kids in small doses too. I’m not quite so forthright to say it to someone. I just get to a point where I can take any more noise or chatter and need to recharge. Maybe she’s the same

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