To not want to see her name anywhere?

[TheLostNights]

There's someone in my life , an ex colleage, who made me very angry. She has an unusual name and we are now no contact. I was reading a post on twitter which really resonated with me but this lady had the same name as this ex colleague so I told DH I didn't want to retweet it because everytime I saw it on my timeline, it reminds me of her.
Anyone else not able to face seeing a name because of their past experiences? I appreciate that could be difficult if the person has a very common name 😁

I get this. There is a person who is linked to the worst time of my adult life and seeing or hearing the name makes me feel nauseous, and triggers anxiety and flashbacks.
i think it would almost be easier if it was a more common name, as it would be more generic and less specific to the person in my past iyswim.

Yes definitely, it's a trigger. I feel the same way about certain smells, songs, places etc. There are so many things I avoid it's a wonder I leave the house!

Absolutely! An ex colleague with a common male name. I have a couple of other colleagues with the same first name and hate even seeing it written down!

Yes, my brother terrorised me all through my childhood. My first boss had the same first name. I couldn't say his name and had to call him Mr instead. My boss was only a few years older than me and used to think it was funny. I could never say why I couldn't say the name. I still struggle to say it, decades on.

I can see a couple of names or walk down one particular street, and I just freeze and feel sick. Bullying bosses and their office from years ago, I think I'm over it, I've had so much professional success since I left that place, I'm in a great headspace...and then I turn the corner down that street and I have to turn on my heel and walk in the opposite direction or I might actually be sick with nerves.

for you OP. It's horrible I know.

I get this completely.
No suggestions but sympathy.

For years I felt sick when we visited my parents and had to drive past a village with a name that was one letter different from the surname of a couple whose child I'd been a nanny to. The mother had been very unpleasant and unkind to me, and it had traumatised me .

The girl who was awful to me in my teenage years and made me feel worthless and she was doing me a favour being my friend had the same name as me so I can't avoid it!

Yes, same! Although she used the shortened version of it. Even though I've never used the shortened version, people still call me it and it goes straight through me, I almost shudder!

I totally understand. I had a nasty boss who bullied me when she discovered I was dyslexic....I was lucky as my previous boss who moved departments phoned me once just after last bully and I couldn't talk on phone which is unusual for me...my previous boss was about to go into a meeting with chief executive..he, my previous boss and two other people high up turned up at my desk two minutes later and previous boss took me to staff canteen...I never saw new boss again as she was moved away from me ..they knew but her name still worries me 20 years later.

I get it! I went to boarding school and was beaten up by a girl in my year-still get flashbacks of her horrible behaviour when I see her name. Unfortunately she is now an actress and pops up every so often in films or series and it is like being slapped in the face whenever she turns up on my screen :(

I always like to say to my children that bullies get nowhere in life after school....sigh..

So sorry you had to go through that.

On dating apps I automatically swipe left on anyone with the same name as my abusive exes (plural) I don't care how good looking and witty their profile is!

Not sure if its an age thing but 80% of the men on them seem to share the same five names between them!

I often wonder whether bullies think about what they did to other people and regret it, or whether they continue their vile behaviour into their adult life. There MUST be people on Mumsnet who were/are bullies, but do you think they'd ever admit it on here?

Yep - if "the person I used to work for" ever gets mentioned in our house (which they do occasionally) that's how I refer to her - She bullied me out of my job and I can't stand to say her name for same reasons as you - not sure why YABU is higher than YANBU as you've got mostly supportive replies here

@livi82 @chooksnroses thank you. I can usually go about my business calmly and she is not an a list actress so can usually relax and watch what I want without fear, but it is annoying when she turns up in a film out of nowhere-love actually for example!

Sarah Millican does a great stand up routine about her ex bully and how she dealt with her when she wanted to suddenly be her friend when she became famous. Bullies seem to forget their past behaviour but those they have bullied certainly do not.

My exHs name used to give me the twitches but I renamed him Gargoyle which seems to have softened the trigger. Every time I see a gargoyle it makes me smile as it has reduced him to the ugly malicious little imp that he really is underneath the charm.

I have the same first name as the girl who bullied and terrorised me at school 😕

If my bully had become an actress or singer I’d be shouting it from the rooftops so everyone knew. What are they going to do, Sue for something that’s true?

Yes it's normal but can fade.

The man who raped me has a really common name. Really common. And it was a really long time until I could hear it, and I still go cold if I meet anyone with that name. I realised it had faded a bit when o couldn't remember the name of a man we were talking about, and rattled That Name off in a list of 'normal' mens names.

Obviously, noticing it means it hadn't become completely nothing, as does coming on this thread, but it can lessen.

I know first hand that bullies do not remember what they did. They rewrite the situations to suit their particular outlook.

I was a gatekeeper to a very important local event. When my childhood bully happened upon me when trying to get an invite she started a conversation in the hope that a fond remembrance of our shared youth would get her through the door.

I was very surprised that her genuine recollections of some nasty and painful events were very very different to mine. I thought she may be downplaying the whole thing to see if i would give over the tickets but no, she totally believed we were good childhood friends. One small example - she publicly humiliated me in front of the class in her mind she was 'gently helping me get over my anxiety about public speaking'.

In her story she was a smiling gentle hero of a friend who wanted nothing but the best for me..... tinkling laugh 'oh, they were the best times, weren't they

She didn't get an invite by the way. I bet the story has changed again, rather than the young shy and awkward damsel in distress that she nurtured, im now the villain that took advantage of her good graces and then turned on her in her time of need.

I thInk this is understandable. I don't like seeing the name of a past close friend who behaved really badly. It's quite an unusual name too. It is easier now than it used to be though and really doesn't have so much power anymore.

I get this. My primary school bully gave her DD my name- this makes me unreasonably angry - how dare she

I get you. I had a ( very ) abusive ex who had a very unusual name. I had a new student ( I teach music) who arrived with the same name and it threw me for a moment. I got over it though! Had to for the poor kids sake!