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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be constantly bad tempered?

32 replies

FredandFloReadyToGo · 30/08/2022 15:55

Posting for traffic.

I can't seem to help it I'm just constantly in a bad mood and irritated.

My husband's selfishness irritates me, my children irritate me and fitting in to other peoples timetables/wants irritates me.

My husband is extremely passive with anyone but me, and hates confrontation (again, except with me) and so agrees to everything everyone else says, then moans about it and gets stressed about meeting up to those expectations he's agreed to.

My children, especially the eldest, don't do a thing I say and I just want time away from them all the time. It's rare I enjoy time with anyone and I've slowly been backing away from long term friendships because they seem to have changed and be people I can't abide or have time for.

AIBU? Have I suddenly just had enough of other people's shit or is it me?

OP posts:
Fritilleries · 30/08/2022 15:58

I think you need to speak to a counsellor.

minidancer · 30/08/2022 15:59

Menopause?

Original poster
FredandFloReadyToGo · 30/08/2022 16:02

minidancer · 30/08/2022 15:59

Menopause?

I hope not im only early 30's

OP posts:
SecretMoomin · 30/08/2022 16:02

How old are the children?
Do you have regular time on your own?

I’m similar, I suspect it’s a combination of demanding children, summer holidays so no time alone, and possibly menopause.

Badger1970 · 30/08/2022 16:02

I've grown a lot less tolerant of other people as I've gotten older. At 52, I find I have no time for flaky people and those who do nothing other than make demands on you. And it's a miracle that D sodding H is alive most days, tbh.

I just think that I value my time more.

PonyTime · 30/08/2022 16:05

Considering it's your husband, your kids and your friends included in this the issue is most likely with you OP

SugarNspices · 30/08/2022 16:06

It sounds like you are fed up with how things are in your live. It could be depression. I've had depression/anxiety and I never felt sad or depressed as such just angry and irritable a bit like bad PMT but nearly all the time.

Original poster
FredandFloReadyToGo · 30/08/2022 16:19

SecretMoomin · 30/08/2022 16:02

How old are the children?
Do you have regular time on your own?

I’m similar, I suspect it’s a combination of demanding children, summer holidays so no time alone, and possibly menopause.

They're all young, so all very dependant and no, we don't have any family support or regular time to myself. I'm at the end of my maternity leave now so hopefully going back to work might help.

OP posts:
Original poster
FredandFloReadyToGo · 30/08/2022 16:19

SugarNspices · 30/08/2022 16:06

It sounds like you are fed up with how things are in your live. It could be depression. I've had depression/anxiety and I never felt sad or depressed as such just angry and irritable a bit like bad PMT but nearly all the time.

Yes it's like really bad PMT

OP posts:
Catabogus · 30/08/2022 16:32

Could it be post-natal depression?

Oblomov22 · 30/08/2022 16:56

Why are you like this? why do you let your husband behave this way? and more importantly why why have you allowed your children to pay this way as well.

Selfishness and passive drive me crazy. Why Marty him?

Both my boys tidy up, keep their bedroom tidy and have jobs to do. and have done since they were toddlers so I hate reading this shit where mothers let the kids get away with doing nothing, just seems stupid to me what's what sort of parenting is that? poor parenting.

Original poster
FredandFloReadyToGo · 30/08/2022 20:17

Catabogus · 30/08/2022 16:32

Could it be post-natal depression?

Possibly. I really struggled this time around but was more sad than irritated.

OP posts:
Devo1818 · 30/08/2022 20:21

I felt a bit like that. Blamed hormones and spoke to GP about mood swings. Have been on a low dose antidepressant since last October and feel like a different person.

dockspider · 30/08/2022 20:32

Which # child have you just had? My hormones were a total rollercoaster after #3 and several
people I’ve spoken to about it said the same. Not sure why that would be, but I used to get these horrendous rages and then terrible PMT when my periods came back. It took a couple of years to really sort itself out tbh and was seriously unsettling.

Teacherteachernotapreacher · 30/08/2022 20:39

Could be a combination of exhaustion, boredom, hormones. I felt like this a lot during maternity leaves and was so relieved to get back to work. Definitely made me appreciate my family more as I wasn’t stuck doing the shit jobs all day with them.
I now feel constantly irritated and suspect it’s a combo of peri and just my actual personality. Am utterly sick of it all. However, I’m at the end of a 6 week summer holiday (both teachers) and maybe I’ll like them all again when I’ve gone back to work tomorrow!

NomDePrune · 30/08/2022 20:39

Initially I though menopause (made me feel angry) but as you are post-natal I would get your hormone levels checked as there's a similarity here. Same as with PND, things out of synch can be regulated with the right diagnosis.

MiniPumpkin · 30/08/2022 21:00

Being irritable, angry is a sign of depression. It can be brought on by stress, but not always. I was like this, so aggitated with everyone and everything. I probably needed space and time to myself as busy with 2 kids and busy full time job so that was not an option. Medication really simmered me right down. I felt like (eventually£ someone just turned me down a notch and was the best thing for me at the time.

Hlglu56 · 30/08/2022 21:12

I’m the same. Constantly tired, snappy and grumpy. I sometimes go upstairs and sit on the bed just to get away from everyone. Also early 30s. I keep buying self help books etc and trying different things but not sure how to stop it.

Minimalme · 30/08/2022 22:32

You need to stop thinking other people are the cause of your lack of happiness.

Your husband is entitled to agree to what he want me to do - if he can't fulfil his promises, that's on him. You don't have the right to call him passive just because he stands up to you but not to other people.

Your children are young. Children generally don't listen and aren't able to be helpful and useful in any meaningful way u til they are nearer secondary school.

You have had a baby not that long ago, your hormones will be all over the place and you have two very young children and are stuck at home with them all day. You are tired and nobody has probably asked about you and your feelings in a long time.

Tell your dh that you need him to notice you. That at the moment everyone is giving you the rage but you need support to find a way to deal with the pressures and demands in your life that doesn't involved feeling irritation.

It will pass I promise. It is a well trodden path of parenthood. It gets better.

Minimalme · 30/08/2022 22:34

Not "what he wants me to do". that would be bloody weird!

Original poster
FredandFloReadyToGo · 31/08/2022 07:08

Oblomov22 · 30/08/2022 16:56

Why are you like this? why do you let your husband behave this way? and more importantly why why have you allowed your children to pay this way as well.

Selfishness and passive drive me crazy. Why Marty him?

Both my boys tidy up, keep their bedroom tidy and have jobs to do. and have done since they were toddlers so I hate reading this shit where mothers let the kids get away with doing nothing, just seems stupid to me what's what sort of parenting is that? poor parenting.

Yep it's all my fault because I'm a rubbish parent. Thanks @Oblomov22!

OP posts:
Original poster
FredandFloReadyToGo · 31/08/2022 07:09

Devo1818 · 30/08/2022 20:21

I felt a bit like that. Blamed hormones and spoke to GP about mood swings. Have been on a low dose antidepressant since last October and feel like a different person.

Maybe I should speak to the GP I just don't know what it'll do but maybe I should try. Thank you @Devo1818

OP posts:
Original poster
FredandFloReadyToGo · 31/08/2022 07:10

dockspider · 30/08/2022 20:32

Which # child have you just had? My hormones were a total rollercoaster after #3 and several
people I’ve spoken to about it said the same. Not sure why that would be, but I used to get these horrendous rages and then terrible PMT when my periods came back. It took a couple of years to really sort itself out tbh and was seriously unsettling.

Yep it's number 3, and I'm still BF so maybe hormones haven't settled?

OP posts:
JimJamJollyWolly · 31/08/2022 07:26

@FredandFloReadyToGo

I'm been there! For me it felt like the curtains had opened and suddenly I saw my life in technicolour and it was just awful! Nothing good to see here. It was depressing. I think it is a stage, and one we are allowed now (Pity the poor mothers of times gone by who had to put up and shut up!)

Anyway, you asked for advice, and I don't know you, or what worked for me would work for you. But the thing that I realised annoyed me more than ANYTHING was how I reacted to these things that annoyed me. I was always the soother and the fixer. I was going crazy noticing how much other people annoyed the hell out of me, but still grateful that I was able to keep going, keep the family steady and keep soaking up the madness.

You need to re-evaluate your life, start taking up some of the conversation for how you are feeling and place boundaries. Boundaries aren't rigid and they are sometimes misunderstood on mumsnet. You feel uncomfortable all of the time at the minute? I would guess that your boundaries are not great?

I became lazier, my standards dropped. I don't know how I ever kept them high in the first place!

Your husband needs to feel the ramifications of his commitments, so just say stuff like "I'm surprised you took that on, but you must have had a reason, I can't imagine taking on more than my workload".

Going back to work will help.

dockspider · 31/08/2022 08:10

FredandFloReadyToGo · 31/08/2022 07:10

Yep it's number 3, and I'm still BF so maybe hormones haven't settled?

Show quote history

Yes your hormones will still be all over the place. If going back to work doesn’t help then have a good chat with your husband - it might be that you need more time alone/time with friends/whatever it is that calms and reenergises you.

I remember chatting to a Mum I barely knew when my youngest was coming up to his first birthday and she said “you’ll be so relieved” which made me laugh out loud because people rarely say that sort of negative thing but honestly I did find that first year with #3 incredibly hard, and that was a shock because my hormones were absolutely fine after #1 and #2.