Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crying when I'm around people too long... what is wrong with me?

35 replies

leafstone · 30/08/2022 14:09

This seems so weird to write, especially as I'm someone who doesn't cry ever.

But every time I'm in a group of people for longer than a couple of hours, I just feel like I get immensely depressed, and I don't know why, because I long for social time really.

We're on a trip for 3 days with DP's family and since I woke up, I've just felt so sad. I've been desperately trying to still be upbeat and act like I'm not feeling anything but everyone can notice something is wrong, and it's not like I can explain what it is because I have no idea.
I keep feeling the tears coming and I just know that the second I'm on my own that I'll break down and cry which seems so pathetic, especially with no reason!

Now it all feels worse as well because I feel like everyone just thinks I'm boring/depressive and I don't know what on earth my problem is.
It's just this ache in my chest and desperation to just... get away.

This seems so strange, so is there anyone out there who experiences anything similar? Or has any advice/reason why this happens, because I just feel awful.

OP posts:
Whodoiwanttobe · 30/08/2022 14:12

leafstone · 30/08/2022 14:09

This seems so weird to write, especially as I'm someone who doesn't cry ever.

But every time I'm in a group of people for longer than a couple of hours, I just feel like I get immensely depressed, and I don't know why, because I long for social time really.

We're on a trip for 3 days with DP's family and since I woke up, I've just felt so sad. I've been desperately trying to still be upbeat and act like I'm not feeling anything but everyone can notice something is wrong, and it's not like I can explain what it is because I have no idea.
I keep feeling the tears coming and I just know that the second I'm on my own that I'll break down and cry which seems so pathetic, especially with no reason!

Now it all feels worse as well because I feel like everyone just thinks I'm boring/depressive and I don't know what on earth my problem is.
It's just this ache in my chest and desperation to just... get away.

This seems so strange, so is there anyone out there who experiences anything similar? Or has any advice/reason why this happens, because I just feel awful.

I get this every time I have PMT! Literally once a month and it feels exactly like this. Are you hormonal? However if you aren’t and it’s just when you’re around people, then I have no idea!

Original poster
leafstone · 30/08/2022 14:15

@Whodoiwanttobe it seems to be every time I'm around a group so probably not that, unless my hormones are out of whack continuously?

OP posts:
choolaboola · 30/08/2022 14:17

Would you consider yourself introverted? I can do very limited group time before I realise I need to be on my own - it's not weird. Check out the Myers Briggs personality testing - when I found out the INFJ personality it all made sense!

WashableVelvet · 30/08/2022 14:20

As a sociable introvert I just have to plan in alone-time as part of big family gatherings 😂

Crabbyboot · 30/08/2022 14:20

I completely get what you mean I don't know what causes it. I have been trying to label that feeling for years. I always got it on school trips and I often get it on group holidays where I don't feel part of the group. I am quite introverted it might be something to do with needing my own space or sometimes feeling like I'm not quite sure how to interact in a group setting.

RealBecca · 30/08/2022 14:23

I get it when i have a background stress. Like I'm totally fine on the surface and I wouldnt consider myself to have anything on my mind...unless I have to do something requiring effort and energy and then I kind of fall apart. Is there anything on your mind? Kids being hard work? Work problem? Relationship issues?

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 30/08/2022 14:23

I get this. I have wondered if it's because people react with horror to aspects of my life that to me are quite normal. They remind me that these things shouldn't be normal...

Original poster
leafstone · 30/08/2022 14:24

@Crabbyboot yeah, I think that's a part of it - feeling like I'm on the outside of every group or just not fitting in.

I'm definitely naturally introverted, but I do always want time with other people. I get really excited about it but when it comes, this feeling does too.

OP posts:
sammysal · 30/08/2022 14:25

Being around other people triggers / reminds you of your own inadequacies? Like everyone is happy / 'normal' apart from me?

Iheartmysmart · 30/08/2022 14:25

I’m a massive introvert and even meeting up with good friends for coffee/dinner makes me twitchy after a couple of hours. I can’t wait to get home where it’s quiet and I don’t have to interact with anyone.

AnaDay · 30/08/2022 14:26

That sounds really difficult

FrancescaContini · 30/08/2022 14:26

Is it particularly the case since lockdown? I think a lot of people feel more easily overwhelmed by being around groups of people or too many people since then.

SleeplessInEngland · 30/08/2022 14:27

I'm an introvert but yeah, even to me that's quite extreme. I wonder if cbt would help.

WoodlandMummy · 30/08/2022 14:27

Social introvert 👋🏼 I get this. I need my downtime and a week away with my lovely family is just too much. Also have family who are extraverts who just don’t get it.

For example I might take my sunbed and my book to a quieter part of the villa we’re all staying in and they bloody follow me saying ‘oooh you’ve found a great spot’ Hmm Grin they will then proceed to talk to me when I’m trying to get some downtime and get into my book ugh 😩

Mabelface · 30/08/2022 14:27

I'm like this. I was diagnosed with asd when I was 50 and it was a light bulb moment. I now make sure I get time out alone to recharge.

ClafoutisSurprise · 30/08/2022 14:39

Two things potentially affect me when I’m around people. The first is introversion, and the effect of that is that I get tired from being around people after a certain point in time, even if I’ve been having a great time. The second is low self-esteem. That can make me feel really negative and teary, something that builds the longer I’m in the situation.

The two are distinct. The introversion is a constant, but whether being around other people is likely to bring on an attack of self-loathing very much depends on mood and what else is going on in my life. It’s a lot less common than when I was younger thankfully.

EarringsandLipstick · 30/08/2022 15:05

I get this.

I'm an extrovert & need & enjoy being around people. But I'm very chatty & really want to hear about everyone & what's going on, and after a while, it drains me completely. I then often feel quite emotional, maybe not to the extent that you describe but similar.

The other part is that I've a lot going on in my life & little support with it. I'm ok about that largely, and don't want to talk about it really eg at family catch ups. But there then does feel like an air of pretence around my outwardly happy, engaged exterior, even though I'm not intentionally acting.

EarringsandLipstick · 30/08/2022 15:05

ClafoutisSurprise · 30/08/2022 14:39

Two things potentially affect me when I’m around people. The first is introversion, and the effect of that is that I get tired from being around people after a certain point in time, even if I’ve been having a great time. The second is low self-esteem. That can make me feel really negative and teary, something that builds the longer I’m in the situation.

The two are distinct. The introversion is a constant, but whether being around other people is likely to bring on an attack of self-loathing very much depends on mood and what else is going on in my life. It’s a lot less common than when I was younger thankfully.

Very good post.

Fiestaa · 30/08/2022 15:08

I have a similar feeling when I am with people where I feel like I can't be my full self or I need to people please.

It's alienating and exhausting to be putting on an act all the time to fit in with a group. Do you think that could be part of the problem? Or are you usually fine with these people?

PonyTime · 30/08/2022 15:09

That's an extreme reaction

Would therapy be something you'd consider?

Suetwo · 30/08/2022 15:16

I can relate. As others have said, you’re probably just an introvert. I don’t dislike people. On the contrary, there are plenty of kind, good, lovely people out there. But I need a lot of alone time.

It isn’t just social interaction that exhausts and stresses me, however. Noise, traffic, even housing estates, can really affect me. Deep down, I crave silence and space. Heaven, for me, would be a silent, empty field on a cool, sunny morning. If I go in a coffee shop or art gallery and it’s empty, I feel a rush of happiness. If it’s busy or noisy, I usually have to leave. Like I said, it’s not a hatred of people. One to one I’d probably like most of the people in that coffee shop. But I need silence and space. I literally need them, like food and oxygen.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that my hatred of noise and crowds intensifies during the summer. When it’s hot, I can’t be near people or busy towns. Twice during that heatwave I ended up in tears. I got so overwhelmed by the heat and noise and traffic that I felt close to a breakdown.

We simply weren’t meant to live the way we do. There are just too many people. Right now, my local woods are being hacked into to build 200 new houses. There are 300 more houses being built at the other end of the village. It never ends. No matter how many houses we build there is always a demand for more. The roads seem to get busier every day, and 24/7 I can hear the screeching and popping of some idiots modified car. Modern Britain is hell for introverts.

doris9034 · 30/08/2022 15:36

I get you OP - i don't cry, but i do get to a point where i am internally telling everyone to fuck off. I tend to try and bury myself in my kindle, but sometimes my face may betray me! I find this is worse since being in peri-meno, where I appear to have far less tolerance to stupid people, and it does depend on the situation to an extent. My DP keeps telling me "you hate people" - but it's not that. I just think i've run out of steam with constantly pandering to other peoples wants and needs, and now i just want to be left alone

HikingHeidi · 30/08/2022 15:39

I do this sometimes but I'm an introverted highly sensitive autistic woman who gets PMT 🤣

AfternoonCup · 30/08/2022 15:46

I don’t actually cry but maybe that is because I don’t stay around others for long enough (late diagnosed autistic and very protective of my alone/staying at home with family time)

I prefer 30 mins social time but do up to 1 hr 30 for the right people - and I can really enjoy that. 1-1 is better though, groups are more draining.

One of my DD’s is also autistic. She is very social and likes to be around friends. But might also get tearful afterwards and need to be alone, as it’s just overwhelming to have been masking for that long and keeping up with conversations etc.

lizziesiddal79 · 30/08/2022 16:23

I think Elaine Aron covers this in Highly Sensitive People. You’re overloaded by social interaction. It happens quickly to HSPs. You need time alone to recover. It’s just who you are.