Crying when I'm around people too long... what is wrong with me?

[leafstone]

This seems so weird to write, especially as I'm someone who doesn't cry ever.

But every time I'm in a group of people for longer than a couple of hours, I just feel like I get immensely depressed, and I don't know why, because I long for social time really.

We're on a trip for 3 days with DP's family and since I woke up, I've just felt so sad. I've been desperately trying to still be upbeat and act like I'm not feeling anything but everyone can notice something is wrong, and it's not like I can explain what it is because I have no idea.
I keep feeling the tears coming and I just know that the second I'm on my own that I'll break down and cry which seems so pathetic, especially with no reason!

Now it all feels worse as well because I feel like everyone just thinks I'm boring/depressive and I don't know what on earth my problem is.
It's just this ache in my chest and desperation to just... get away.

This seems so strange, so is there anyone out there who experiences anything similar? Or has any advice/reason why this happens, because I just feel awful.

I hear you OP. I would describe myself as a high-functioning introvert. Everyone thinks I'm extremely sociable and I love being with people – but only for a limited time. It completely drains me (yes, to the point of inexplicable tears) and especially if I'm in a group, even family and close friends. I need a LOT of alone time, and silence, to regroup and recharge. I have learned to pace my week/interactions so I'm not in 'social deficit' because it wipes me out. It's probably exacerbated by hormones/peri-menopause, and has made lockdowns (and even school holidays) really hard. On our summer holiday with friends this year I actually burst into tears over a really nice dinner on about day 10 for absolutely no reason, completely unable to explain that I had just reached the point of overwhelm with human contact without it sounding personal! DH, on the other hand, is an anti-social extrovert, so doesn't get it at all.

The only people I can be around for more than a few hours are my mum and my kids. Everyone else makes me want to curl up in a ball and block all my senses off. It's got worse since a significant bereavement a year ago but I've always craved solitude. People think I'm a miserable grumpy old cow and a recluse and I realise they'll stop inviting me at some point, at which point I'll probably regret it!!

I stopped drinking alcohol 5 months ago and I could have written your post myself. I think the booze masked my introvert tendencies! I need so much time alone it's shocking!

To me, you sound deeply lonely. Nothing is as lonely as being with a group you feel no connection to.

Like you might be the sort of person who needs to be hanging out with artist types in coffee houses but you’ve fohnd yourself surrounded by bankers in pubs.

Or maybe you’re depressed and it’s triggering being around happy people 🤷‍♀️

Hope things get better for you soon xx

I was always very sociable and worked in a public facing job, I enjoyed interacting with people at work. I am in my 70s now and sometimes meet friends for coffee, I find if meeting more than one person I don't enjoy it at all not to the point that I feel like crying, but just can't be bothered. However I have joined a shared reading group and I love it, usually 6 or 7 people, I think it is because we are discussing things I am interested in, and when I meet friends/excolleagues, they tend to gossip, or talk about things I am not really into.

This sounds hormonal perhaps? It's like homesickness. I also got it after the birth of my children, especially DS2. It's a horrible feeling.

Perhaps it means there's something bothering you that you want to talk about?

Interesting thread.

One of my daughters has a similar issue to a lesser extent and I never gave it huge thought before recently.

She is highly competitive, focused, sporty and has a large circle of friends.

However she is very protective of her space, alone time.

She loves to listen to music and is a voracious reader.

She meets friends regularly, but has enough of them after a few hours and will come home happily.

She told me recently that she really enjoys her own company and is at the happiest in it.

Her teachers have always spoken very highly of her, but she has a tendency to push herself too hard so I tend to have to talk her down.

I have just ordered "How do I not know this" which is very well reviewed.

I just asked her would she ever feel like crying after being in company and she answered No because she would be long gone before she felt like that!

Thanks for posting OP.
This has been very helpful for me!

You sound very hard on yourself.
Would you go for a walk to take some space and time out?

It sounds like you are not alone.

I think she gets it from me. I love my space and have always ruthlessly guarded it.

Any tips or reading recommendations anyone?

Thanks everyone for the replies.

It's good to know I'm not on my own and other guidance for it!

@billy1966 the fact that I power through and won't take a break and then start criticising myself for not being as social as everyone else is definitely an issue - guarding your own space is something I need to learn.

There's also definitely other MH issues that I've been experiencing for a while so that probably doesn't help.

I have had therapy but it didn't really help and this actually wasn't something I mentioned as it's rare that I'm in a big group for a long time like this!

this is exacty how i feel. when i meet a lot of people for a few hours once i come back home i cry for some time because of the feeling of pretense as if i acted being all good chirpy and happy. once i am back home and alone i cry. has happened a lot of times and when i share this with friends they all laugh it off by saying u r such an extrovert how can u even feel this

I'm like this. I look forward to meeting people but after about 3 hours, my social battery just dies and I want to go home. I always stay to be polite but once I'm at home I like quiet time and even the next day I need more quiet time to recharge. I'm very introverted and highly sensitive.