Sorry this is long...
My OH has a neighbour who comes over (a lot) and wants OH to party with him, and my gut feeling is that he wants to be validated in his bad behaviour so he needs OH to enable him.
He's been kicked out of pubs for being too drunk and he talks about women in such a derogatory way, boasting about using prostitutes and hitting on young girls, despite being married with a child. When he's out his wife calls and texts and he sees her as a burden - then applies this to all women. He absolutely hates that I challenge him on it and seems surprised I have a brain.
My OH has a mental illness and is vulnerable to meeting new people and thinking they're the best thing since sliced bread. He's been conned a number of times and he seems to take advice from people he hardly knows. I can see these people coming a mile off but he never listens.
One night the neighbour came over and brought some disgusting flavoured vodka. I no longer drink but he kept demanding they do shots until OH passed out in the bathroom no more than 3 ft away from where we were.
Neighbour was hammered too.
Obviously I was already pissed off that they'd drunk so much and wanted to get neighbour to leave, but ended up staying in the kitchen where I could see OH to make sure he was OK.
I was sitting on the worktop (relevant) and neighbour started to become belligerent, telling me he could 'get rid of me if he wanted'. He got way too close to me and put his hands on the worktop either side of my legs so I couldn't move away.
He asked me if I love OH and when I said yes, he responded with 'are you sure?'. He leaned in saying 'what if I did what I'm thinking about? Would you tell OH?'
I was leaning back as far as I could because he was so close his spit was landing on my face and he was squeezing my thigh. When I wouldn't play ball called me a bitch.
He'd brought fear to the place I'd felt safe and as someone with a lot of sexual trauma in my past I just felt like no matter where I was I couldn't escape it.
I tried to tell OH next morning and cried my eyes out, assuming he'd see this as a total betrayal and be angry that the neighbour had done this when OH was passed out, but he didn't seem to understand why it was a big deal, saying that neighbour was just drunk and made a mistake. I didn't tell him the whole thing because I was still so shocked, but he did tell neighbour that calling me a bitch was out of order.
Neighbour brought flowers round for me and I felt pressured to accept his apology.
I felt like I needed to tell OH what happened in detail in an email because I couldn't face arguing, and his reaction was that it was 'a mistake' and that as neighbour had apologised I should just forget about it, but I can't. My stomach turns when I hear neighbour's voice on the phone or outside the window.
I know people do stupid things under the influence but that clearly came from somewhere - he'd already shown himself to be a misogynistic prick when he's sober.
Am I overreacting or was this a big deal? I've lost all objectivity.