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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Nephew not talking

101 replies

KMD88 · 29/08/2022 20:51

My daughter is 21 months and is very advanced with her speech.

My nephew is 2 next month and he isn't saying any words he makes sounds and babbling noises mainly 'eek''ah' etc but that is all.

My sister doesn't seem concerned that he isn't saying a single word and thinks it's cute....should I say something to her? She can be very difficult so I'm wary about upsetting her. But I’d have thought she would realise?

I know all children are different but I'm worried for him. He goes to nursery too and I'd have thought they would have mentioned something but they haven't!

OP posts:
Dibbydoos · 29/08/2022 21:52

A woman in a supermarket came up to me in an aisle, out of nowhere, and shared with me her worries about her son who was 3 and didn't talk. She had seen me chatting with my DD who was about 2. I told her that Einstein didn't talk until he was 5 which is true - he apparently could talk but couldn't be bothered to. He preferred listening. She smiled, said she didn't know that, thanked me and carried on shopping.

I personally think we should stop measuring progress in this way. Yes check for medical milestones - it's an issue if a child can't walk, feed themselves, chew their food etc etc but talking is only one part of communication and, in fact, its a very small part of it.

At his age, he's still plenty young enough to talk and if he is non verbal, so what? The world would be a sad and boring place without neurodiversity, embrace it :)

TiaraBoo · 29/08/2022 21:55

@KMD88 My ex MiL health is a retired health visitor and said DC should have 6 words by 18 months. (Back when there was an 18 month check up!)

Both my DC were slow to talk and both had hearing problems and speech problems.

I don’t know when they do checks on babies/toddlers now but I’d definitely encourage a hearing test.

The HV in my own health centre made me feel stupid for asking for a hearing test as I had no issues with DC1’s hearing but I was with them 24/7, I knew what they wanted before they did. But I still got a hearing test and DC1’s hearing was so bad they had grommets in within 6 weeks.

x2boys · 29/08/2022 21:59

Dibbydoos · 29/08/2022 21:52

A woman in a supermarket came up to me in an aisle, out of nowhere, and shared with me her worries about her son who was 3 and didn't talk. She had seen me chatting with my DD who was about 2. I told her that Einstein didn't talk until he was 5 which is true - he apparently could talk but couldn't be bothered to. He preferred listening. She smiled, said she didn't know that, thanked me and carried on shopping.

I personally think we should stop measuring progress in this way. Yes check for medical milestones - it's an issue if a child can't walk, feed themselves, chew their food etc etc but talking is only one part of communication and, in fact, its a very small part of it.

At his age, he's still plenty young enough to talk and if he is non verbal, so what? The world would be a sad and boring place without neurodiversity, embrace it :)

I think most people who have non verbal kids have heard Einstein didn't talk untill he was five which is also very unhelpful tbh .

lotsofthem · 29/08/2022 22:01

My DS was very early and advanced with talking as well as maths etc. He is autistic and has many, many other struggles.

Nursery will likely guide her I would not say anything.

ThinWomansBrain · 29/08/2022 22:01

nephew and sister probably choose not to talk to you with your faux concern to engineer endless opportunities to brag about your daughter.

Pinkandgreentrousers · 29/08/2022 22:02

My son was a late talker and didn't talk in school till he was 8, he's doing a degree now and still doesn't say a huge amount of unnecessary words.

x2boys · 29/08/2022 22:03

And having a non verbal 12 year old as much as I love him it's not something I embrace it just makes life a whole lot harder ,let's not minimise neuro diversity and say so what its a bloody hard disabilities sometimes .

Perfectlystill · 29/08/2022 22:04

Don't like the sound of you as a sister in law OP. What is the relevance of your child being 'very advanced' with their speech?

Justbecause19 · 29/08/2022 22:06

I am the mother of a speech delayed 2 year old and if she's not said anything to you she doesn't want to talk to you about it. I haven't seen many friends with similar age children for a while because it's really upsetting watch your child falling further and further behind. I'm sure nursery will be all over it and your sister will be more then aware. Comment on the positive things your nephew is doing and lend a supportive ear to your sister when she's ready to discuss. At some point it might be that your nephew is very advanced in something your DD is struggling with.

LimboLass · 29/08/2022 22:07

I have NEVER flaunted my daughter in her face or BOASTED about her

Other than the first line of this thread

Sigh

Dajeeling · 29/08/2022 22:08

My son is autistic and non-verbal. He is very nearly 3 but a very tall boy- he looks closer to 4.

Twice when we have gone to the swings this week (his favourite things) whilst we are in our own little bubble enjoying it I’ve had to listen to very loud performance parenting from two separate parents getting their roughly 12-18 month olds to talk whilst on the next swing, looking at me expectantly as if I’m going to applaud and then them looking at a bit side eyed at my son.

Don’t be that parent to your sister and her son.

Astrabees · 29/08/2022 22:10

My DS1 didn’t speak until he was 3. He then started with sentences very quickly. He was very academic and went to Oxford, so clearly not talking until late meant nothing.

Namechangeforthis88 · 29/08/2022 22:12

Just here to report another DS who didn't say a word until after his second birthday, by the time he started school his speech was advanced for his age. Still won't shut up and he's 13 now, bright and very sociable. He's crap at French mind you.

Teenprobs · 29/08/2022 22:13

My 16 month doesn't talk. My 19 year old didn't talk till 2.5 my middle (autistic) child spoke the earliest. They concentrate on one area in my experience.

Dajeeling · 29/08/2022 22:15

Dibbydoos · 29/08/2022 21:52

A woman in a supermarket came up to me in an aisle, out of nowhere, and shared with me her worries about her son who was 3 and didn't talk. She had seen me chatting with my DD who was about 2. I told her that Einstein didn't talk until he was 5 which is true - he apparently could talk but couldn't be bothered to. He preferred listening. She smiled, said she didn't know that, thanked me and carried on shopping.

I personally think we should stop measuring progress in this way. Yes check for medical milestones - it's an issue if a child can't walk, feed themselves, chew their food etc etc but talking is only one part of communication and, in fact, its a very small part of it.

At his age, he's still plenty young enough to talk and if he is non verbal, so what? The world would be a sad and boring place without neurodiversity, embrace it :)

You probably didn’t mean it this way, but your post doesn’t half come across patronisingly.

The Einstein anecdote is trotted out constantly and the age varies constantly too. It grates on me as I remember a very pompous pediatrician saying it to me on the phone (he clearly didn’t see the need to see my daughter face to face or meet her) when she was experiencing severe speech delay at around 2/3. She was diagnosed finally with autism at 4 after much formal complaining and years of being fobbed off. She’s suffered hugely for not getting the support she needed at a young age and the EHC plan is still in progress (when she starts school next week) because of this.

I have two young children- both autistic. I wish I could have spoken to this woman- for her to come up to a stranger illustrates how concerned she is and that she probably is getting crap advice left, right and centre.

WimbyAce · 29/08/2022 22:26

My first was a very early talker and had huge vocabulary at age 2. My second hardly had any words age 2 but is gaining quickly now. They are chalk and cheese with their development and that is from the same parents. All kids are so different.

Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 29/08/2022 22:36

DS was similar, he didn’t talk any full sentences until he was 4. Before was sounds and pointing, he’s 14 now and has a reading and language age of a 16 year old... his teachers always say how he has very good speech and his range on words are very mature. At the end of the day, kids go at different rates. You saying something will probably cause friction between you and your sister for a reason that’s not necessary at this time.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 29/08/2022 22:37

As the parent of a speech delayed toddler I can hand on heart say that whenever someone "gently lets me know they think my son has a speech delay" it makes me want to throat punch them.

I'm sure your sister is aware.

When people bring up the obvious, it completely detracts from any other enjoyment you have with your child.

Just because some children don't speak, it doesn't mean they don't understand.

Just because some children don't speak, it doesn't make them any less worthy of love, attention, nice things and good experiences.

Just because some children don't speak when you expect them to, it doesn't mean they won't ever speak at all.

Just because some children don't speak coherently enough to be understood, it doesn't mean they aren't trying to speak or communicate.

Just because some children are still learning to speak, if doesn't mean they can't convey their wants and needs through body language, sign, crying, laughing, pointing, pulling and pushing.

If you really want to support your sister and believe her child is showing signs of delay, then don't probe your sister. Participate in more activities with the toddler that you know are good for cognitive function like singing, signing, taking them out to experience more of the world, read lots of books and talk about what you can see in the pictures.

I can promise you that your sister would value that kind of bond being nurtured than being told her child has a delay.

Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 29/08/2022 22:37

Dd9 on the other hand started speaking very well aged 2 1/2 and hasn’t shut up since...

Aquamarine1029 · 29/08/2022 22:40

Keep your unwanted opinions and observations to yourself.

glittereyelash · 29/08/2022 22:49

Never compare children. Two is still very young I know a lot of children who didn't speak until they were three and above and boys tend to be quicker to walk but slower to talk. To put it into context my brothers child could count to 500, read and knew his times tables by age two do you think your daughter will be able to do this. If not shouldn't you be concerned because another child is able?

Cakeandcardio · 29/08/2022 22:53

I wouldn't be too worried if his receptive language skills are good. Even if you are worried, it's too early to say anything because lots of children can't speak at 2. My son couldn't. One month later and he can say about 50ish words and some sentences. Literally saying 2-3 new words a day. He's always been ahead of milestone markers with his understanding etc so I would say that's more of a guide.

peasandcarrrotttss · 29/08/2022 23:02

Define 'very advanced'.

More than likely to be considered perfectly normal and expected.

Your child's abilities have no bearing on your nephew so there was no need to mention her.

2 is still quite young, and if there is something to be concerned about it will be flagged by nursery or at the health visitors development check.

Mumofsend · 29/08/2022 23:04

As a parent of children with additional needs, in the early days I would actively avoid discussing it with someone who had an "advanced" child because I could guarantee I was already comparing feeling crap and wouldn't want to either be made to feel to blame or dismissed by someone who has no idea.

Leave her alone.

peasandcarrrotttss · 29/08/2022 23:10

Mumofsend · 29/08/2022 23:04

As a parent of children with additional needs, in the early days I would actively avoid discussing it with someone who had an "advanced" child because I could guarantee I was already comparing feeling crap and wouldn't want to either be made to feel to blame or dismissed by someone who has no idea.

Leave her alone.

This.

I have an autistic child.

It may not be deliberate, well it might be sometimes when dealing with twats, but I sometimes it seemed like every time my child struggled to do something, there was a parent making damn sure we could see how good their child was at the thing.

Similar to those parents who make sure that everyone who has a crap sleeper and is on their knees with exhaustion knows that their baby 'sleeps through'.