To ask if you regret having only one child or more?

CreateAusername1 · 2022-08-29T11:12:57+00:00

do you regret having only one child? Or having more than one if this is the case? i have almost 2yr son. I always wanted two kids. I dont really feel family is full. On the other hand we are really struggling right now financially and cannot afford a second one. By the time we come out of financial problems I will be in late over 35 or older and partner over 40 so we dont feel we will want to start it all again. i am just sad thinking ds might not have any siblings.

Original poster

CreateAusername1 · 29/08/2022 13:10

Anyone?

OP posts:

Thedungeondragon · 29/08/2022 13:19

Does your DS have cousins or other DC he is close to? I only have one, who is a teen now, but he has cousins of a similar age who live nearby so I don't feel he has missed out too much. He has said he would like a sibling a few times over the years, but I suspect the reality of it would not be what he imagines.

Ultimately if you can't afford it, it would be a bad idea to have another, as your current DS would miss out a lot, and probably not enjoy having stressed out parents who were constantly worried about money.

BertieBotts · 29/08/2022 13:22

I felt terrible about DS1 being an only child and only really resolved that when we had more but he was ten by the time that happened.

I do wish I'd been able to give him a closer sibling.

It sounds like you feel that your financial problems are temporary? In that case it probably doesn't matter that much if you have another child now or wait. I'm sure MN will disagree with me though but according to MN nobody would ever have a child! There's no such thing as the perfect time.

BertieBotts · 29/08/2022 13:23

I guess I mean, what does "we can't afford another" mean practically, what sacrifices does that mean for your family and is that more or less worth the benefits of another child?

neverbeenskiing · 29/08/2022 13:23

I always wanted two children. Our second has SEN and although he is very loved, it's been really difficult. The one thing I am really grateful for is that we have no money worries- we're not loaded, but comfortable. I imagine dealing with financial stress on top of the extra work of having another DC would have broken me so on that basis if you can't afford a second I would strongly suggest sticking at one.

MaryJoLisa · 29/08/2022 13:28

I would not have been a good parent to more than one - it would have been a financial stretch, I lack patience and the thought of a second round of sleepless nights or soft play bores me. I have one and she's awesome but I stopped before I messed things up by adding a second. I hated having a sibling, I feel no misguided guilt at all that DD needed one.

MaryJoLisa · 29/08/2022 13:28

I would not have been a good parent to more than one - it would have been a financial stretch, I lack patience and the thought of a second round of sleepless nights or soft play bores me. I have one and she's awesome but I stopped before I messed things up by adding a second. I hated having a sibling, I feel no misguided guilt at all that DD needed one.

Whatyagonnadokatie · 29/08/2022 13:30

Only have one: we didn’t expect to have him as we had tried for years. Delighted with him and he’s our world... but.. don’t think I’d have the patience, time, energy and money for another one (and I’m in my 40s now)

Tisforptarmigan · 29/08/2022 13:32

I'm an only child. My parents said they did not have any more because of the cost. I wish they had though. I'm 54 now and wish I had siblings.

I have to children because I did not want my daughter to be an only child like me. I would not say they are particularly close, but at least they will have each other when is dead.

Ostagazuzulum · 29/08/2022 13:32

I have one child. We love our family of three. She has a lot of opportunities we couldn't have given her if we had another child, she has a good group of friends who all have siblings and has always said she likes being only child.! I had a sibling and we just never got on and it's very awkward and forced until we went NC few years back, DH is from close family but not particularly close to his siblings. I wouldn't change things.

unicormb · 29/08/2022 13:34

I was 37 when I gave birth to my youngest. I wasn't by any stretch the oldest mother on our post natal ward either.

LadyCampanulaTottington · 29/08/2022 13:40

Ive got one. She’s 22 now and is fine being an only.

Like an PP said, I would have been an awful parent to more than one. I hated the job of being a mother to a baby/toddler so stuck with one.

Zooeyzo · 29/08/2022 13:40

I have two kids because I didn't want my dd to be a lonely only child. And now I have a second child who is autistic and doesn't really play or interact with older sibling. So now I have to play with both separately and its bloody exhausting.

unicormb · 29/08/2022 13:42

Zooeyzo · 29/08/2022 13:40

I have two kids because I didn't want my dd to be a lonely only child. And now I have a second child who is autistic and doesn't really play or interact with older sibling. So now I have to play with both separately and its bloody exhausting.

I have one autistic and one ND and I swear I have to switch personas when I parent them, because they're both so different. It's hard!

Original poster

CreateAusername1 · 29/08/2022 13:42

Thank you guys. By thinking of the cost i really mean it would kill us. Bringing another child means crappy maternity pay, then additional childcare cost (we dont have family here to help us) and we wouldnt be able to give both of them as much as we would like to.

i think i was hoping to hear more replies along the lines of “one is good enough”😣

OP posts:

LateAF · 29/08/2022 13:45

CreateAusername1 · 29/08/2022 13:42

Thank you guys. By thinking of the cost i really mean it would kill us. Bringing another child means crappy maternity pay, then additional childcare cost (we dont have family here to help us) and we wouldnt be able to give both of them as much as we would like to.

i think i was hoping to hear more replies along the lines of “one is good enough”😣

If you are both working you would get 30 hours free childcare for your eldest when he turns 3- so it would make a second more affordable if timed well. Or would that still be too difficult?

Panickingnow · 29/08/2022 13:47

I only have one child. I’m not very maternal person but I hoped to have two as I was one child myself and wanted sibling.
Howewer I misscarried twice after my first was born I never tried again.
Now I’m in my peri menopause aged 48 so no more kids.
I feel sad and guilty sometimes especially my child is the only one with no siblings.
The last baby I lost would be 7 years old, so perfect younger sibling for my 11 yrs old..
I feel sad…

LuaDipa · 29/08/2022 13:49

I would have loved to have more dc but two was manageable - from a quality time perspective as well as financially. As it turns out we could easily have afforded more, although we didn’t know that at the time we made the decision and once the youngest was at school it seemed too late to start again.

That being said I would have moved heaven and earth to have two when I only had one. I love my siblings and can’t imagine life without them so would have really struggled if only one had been possible.

Squirrelsnut · 29/08/2022 13:49

I have an only of 15. It's been generally fine; he's a bright, kind and happy soul, although more anxious since covid.
Honestly, I thank god we only brought one child into this world!

byvirtue · 29/08/2022 13:52

I have one and love it. I’m a better mum as I get time to myself and time with her. Can pay for all her activities and family days out. We went out the other day and it cost the 3 of us £60, when I thought of a family of 4 paying £80 it seemed like A LOT more.

I have prioritised mum friendships with other mums of only children as I find larger families can be a bit insular but mums of onlies are usually up for a play date or trip out. I think the number of people having only children is increasing (or maybe that’s just in my area!). No regrets. Love our family!

lollipoprainbow · 29/08/2022 13:53

I would have loved more. It's all very well saying only children are fine as long as they have loads of friends and cousins etc, if they don't as my dd doesn't it's bloody hard.

DamnUserName21 · 29/08/2022 13:56

1 DC. Zero regrets. All that byvirtue said!

ToastofLandon · 29/08/2022 13:56

CreateAusername1 · 29/08/2022 13:42

Thank you guys. By thinking of the cost i really mean it would kill us. Bringing another child means crappy maternity pay, then additional childcare cost (we dont have family here to help us) and we wouldnt be able to give both of them as much as we would like to.

i think i was hoping to hear more replies along the lines of “one is good enough”😣

Join the Facebook group ‘My first my last my everything’ I think you’ll find more of what you’re looking for on there.

MbatataOwl · 29/08/2022 13:57

I love having an only child. Having one means we can afford for her to have nice things, do whatever hobby/club/ sports she wants to do. She can have a tutor if needed and has our full attention with help with homework or whatever issue.

I think it's really stupid to have another child if it means your existing child's standard of living goes down. It's selfish.

user1471462428 · 29/08/2022 14:04

You need to read “one and only” by Lauren Sadler. Brilliant book.