To feel less of a woman....

[malificent7]

Because I'm not broody and not that great at motherhood? I have dd (14) who i had alone and she's lovely but i found it very hard.

I do go through broody phases, especially when i hold a new born but I am 44 and enjoying my freedom. It's prob too late for me anyway. All the new mums just seem so content but i never felt like that...it was a huge shock to my system.

Dp is lovely and has his own teen dd, hes the best dad and we both feel we should focus on our teens.

I just feel. a bit confused as I held a new born today and felt a bit smitten, sad as im not having any more but relieved to have made that decision...then worried it's not the right decision.

Be a bit gentle as posting on here for traffic.

I think you need to examine why you equate feeling broody for a baby as being a good mother. They are not related.

Nooooo you’re bloody sensible! And have your head screwed on. Doesn’t make you less of a woman whatsoever.

Nothing to say you need to be broody or desperate for children. They're actually a nuisance a lot of the time when they're not yours.

Do you think you should feel permanently broody for your entire life? That would be a bit weird, wouldn't it?

I'm not much older than you and haven't felt broody for years! I feel nostalgic for when mine were small when I hold a baby but not one single part of me wants another one for myself. No thank you.
I think age has a lot to do with it more than being enough of a woman.

Oh no, at 44 it would be quite common not to want to do it all again I think?

Do you think you maybe feel that you should want to have a baby with your DP?

I don’t think being broody (or not), being a good mother, and “womanhood” are directly connected.

I’m not sure I understand, do you think you should be broody if you are a proper woman because I have never been broody and I have a kid and am an ok mum (who has to try quite hard, think many women find they have to try bloody hard, I’m not convinced that it comes naturally to many women). Woman is just a biological category, doesn’t mean theres any particular way to be a woman.

Oh yeah definitely not having another, and I love a baby cuddle as much as the next person.

Well loads of women don't want children at all, they're no less of a women though.
As for cuddling babies, personally, I prefer puppies or kittens.

God, I'm 59 with 2 x DSs aged 21 and 23. I never felt remotely broody; I hate holding others' newborns; I struggled through 0-2 with both of mine.

I'm a much better mum to primary/teenagers/young adults than I was to babies/toddlers.

One lasts 2-3 years, the other 20 years. I'm glad I'm better at the latter.

As women I feel sometimes we are perpetually guilty.
Don't have or want children. Guilty.
Have them but they piss you off. Guilty.
Want them and cannot have them for whatever reason. Guilty.
Life can be hard. Parenting can be hard. Not parenting can be hard.
We all need to just be a bit less hard on ourselves.

You say you see all these content mums but you’ve no idea how they really feel or how they cope behind closed doors. You might have come across similarly to outsiders when you were with a baby.

All the new mums just seem so content

Really??? I don't think I'd have described any of the new mums I met after I'd had mine as 'content'!!!

Have you been brought up to believe that motherhood is the ultimate goal in life?

Ok..i guess iabu . I think i feel sad as i did love dd but i never felt truly happy sitting on the sofa feeding all day.

Motherhood is not the only significant aspect of being a woman. And not wanting another child at 44 sounds entirely sensible.

Honestly, none of us did!! Why do you feel you're so out of synch with how other women/mothers feel? Your feelings sound quite typical to me.

You're 44!! Why would you want more now? Not being broody now is nothing to do with being less of a woman more to do with heading to perimenopause and being your OWN woman!

I've got one ds who I love more than anything but I feel unusual in that I've never been broody for more I'd much rather cuddle a puppy tbh!
Puppy broody constantly but no more kids for me.

Why would it make you feel less like a woman if you don’t feel broody? I’m the same age as you, would be happy about a second child (DD is 2 1/2), but equally happy if she stayed an only child (I’m not deluded, I’m 44). None of this makes me feel more or less of a woman.

I never felt broody! Have one DD (9) and love her to pieces but didn’t want another one.

Of course YABU. Only women can be mothers, but being a mother (or 'motherly') isn't required to be a woman.

I remember when DD was about 5 at school pick-up time, another parent had brought their new baby and someone else had a new puppy. Some parents went to coo over the former, others the latter (and probably a few neither). I was definitely Team Puppy!

This is utterly, banally normal, I’m afraid!

Fgs. Why are you conflating motherhood with being a woman? What decade is this??

I don’t think she is. She is a mother.

She’s conflating feeling broody with being a woman.

Non-broody women make great mothers all the time.

It’s far more rational not to be broody. I wish I wasn’t.