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Original poster

Birth trauma and mental ill-health

31 replies

Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 15:11

Ok, so I've debated where to put this but didn't want to post in the pregnancy or birth forums as I don't want to terrify mothers-to-be or indeed in the mental health section as it's quiet and people like to have hope and I rather hope that support is getting better. However, I'd like to discuss it if anyone else identifies?

I have had mental health issues since my first child was born (it was diagnosed as PND at the time) and I've never really entirely recovered.

About 3 months ago, I saw a new psychiatrist, and he was the first person who ever asked about my child's birth, apart from in the first couple of months after the birth. I'm pretty sure that by now even psychiatrists think I should have moved on lol.

I almost lost my baby at birth and I very much had to get on with it without it being addressed in any way.
He asked all the usual questions but seemed very interested in the fact that my issues had only started after my eldest's birth.
I don't mean interested in a morbid way, more that he asked the junior doctor to make a note of it.
I answered a question he hadn't asked which was 'was the pregnancy complicated?' or something like that (I can't remember the exact wording of the question) and I rambled on about the job situation and having to move home and give up work and he interjected with 'I mean physically'.
Given that I was talking to a psychiatrist I presumed he wouldn't have been interested in physical complications of the birth so he had listened to chapter and verse for about 10 minutes before he interrupted.
I've never had his opinion on it but it actually makes sense to me as to why I am the way I am now as the fear of that event has coloured everything in my life and I have developed a desperate fear of losing people, to the extreme.
I'm now finding myself finally allowing myself to feel pain and I'm crying at the drop of a hat, almost like finally, someone can see how traumatic that experience was for me.

Does anyone else identify with this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 15:13

I suppose what I'm interested in for myself is how can I finally come to terms with that trauma?

OP posts:
Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 15:18

I do believe that I did in fact have PND separately to whatever the hell else is going on for me and that is very treatable and was treated effectively. That's just in case there are Mums reading who have been diagnosed with PND.

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AceSpades54321 · 28/08/2022 15:20

All mental illness stems from trauma.

downwiththebees · 28/08/2022 15:21

So I didn't want to read and run. Yes I can identify to some extent with what you have said. I had a traumatic birth with my second. I still get flashbacks and nightmares and can't look at hospital scenes on tv etc. I feel much more anxious and emotional since he was born, to the extent I don't really feel like I am the same person I was before. How to "overcome" the trauma, I am not sure. I think all of the experiences we have in life change who we are a little bit and I don't think that's always a bad thing. I think time is a great healer. I also think being kind to yourself is important. It was traumatic. It was sad. So it's ok to feel sad & angry about that. But then I have to accept that that was my past and this is my present, my baby and I are alive now and I am thankful for that - at that point I usually pull myself together and put the kettle on 😂. I'm sorry your having such a hard time.

Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 15:25

I've been trying to pull myself together for 20 years! 😁

OP posts:
dietcokeandapizzaplease · 28/08/2022 15:26

I totally relate. I had a horrific birth with my eldest (opted for an elective section second time round). Totally skimmed over by GPs, midwives and health visitors. Felt very dismissed and unsupported afterwards. Asked for a copy of the medical notes from the birth and they were inaccurate. I'm still absolutely devastated by it three years later and don't know how to move on.

It's most definitely affected me. I'm depressed and anxious and never used to be. I'm definitely a shell of a person despite my best efforts to be the all singing all dancing mother I though I'd be.

I felt so dreadfully let down by mental health counselling. I've been on a waiting list - which I'm not sure is even still exists - for two years. The mental health team who deal with pregnant ladies deemed me 'not serious enough' to see during my second pregnancy despite panic attacks and insomnia induced totally by the trauma of my first birth.

Don't know how to move on. Or if I'll ever be better again. But just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone.

Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 15:29

dietcokeandapizzaplease · 28/08/2022 15:26

I totally relate. I had a horrific birth with my eldest (opted for an elective section second time round). Totally skimmed over by GPs, midwives and health visitors. Felt very dismissed and unsupported afterwards. Asked for a copy of the medical notes from the birth and they were inaccurate. I'm still absolutely devastated by it three years later and don't know how to move on.

It's most definitely affected me. I'm depressed and anxious and never used to be. I'm definitely a shell of a person despite my best efforts to be the all singing all dancing mother I though I'd be.

I felt so dreadfully let down by mental health counselling. I've been on a waiting list - which I'm not sure is even still exists - for two years. The mental health team who deal with pregnant ladies deemed me 'not serious enough' to see during my second pregnancy despite panic attacks and insomnia induced totally by the trauma of my first birth.

Don't know how to move on. Or if I'll ever be better again. But just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone.

Don't go as long without help for the trauma as I have. I genuinely never made the link until that consultation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 15:34

Thank you for your reply btw. To all of you who responded. I know it's very private and personal and I don't personally want to go into the many diagnoses that have been thrown at me (I probably fit most lol) but I'm just sad that this has been missed and 20 years of my life have been essentially stolen from me from a lack of awareness of it perhaps. I don't even know whether there is treatment. It's so long ago now that it's a bit late for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 15:39

I know that becoming a Mum changes you irrevocably, but most mothers don't develop life-long mental health complications as a result. I'm sort of a little bit annoyed too that nobody ever noticed or connected the dots. I suspect it's similar to people who have had miscarriages maybe. My baby survived and for that I thank God every day but I suppose my trauma wasn't really viewed as trauma.

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Outfoxedbyrabbits · 28/08/2022 15:44

I almost lost my baby at birth and I very much had to get on with it without it being addressed in any way.

I think you've experienced one of the worst things anyone can go through (fear of losing a child, which will have been no less profound because they, thankfully, pulled through) and that it's not surprising it's still affecting you two decades later if you weren't supported or helped through it at the time (or in the time since). So you sort of have unresolved trauma that's had a long time to fester.

I'm now finding myself finally allowing myself to feel pain and I'm crying at the drop of a hat, almost like finally, someone can see how traumatic that experience was for me.

Are you still under the care of the "new" psychiatrist? Have any of your HCPs ever suggested EMDR therapy to you? It is used to treat trauma.

Innate · 28/08/2022 15:50

I had a traumatic birth with my DC2. I feel strongly that my GP's clear description of it as an 'obstetric disaster' was enormously helpful in my ability to process those events. Having that clear, unequivocal acknowledgment of the gravity of the situation by a medic made a huge difference to me. Flowers

Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 15:53

Outfoxedbyrabbits · 28/08/2022 15:44

I almost lost my baby at birth and I very much had to get on with it without it being addressed in any way.

I think you've experienced one of the worst things anyone can go through (fear of losing a child, which will have been no less profound because they, thankfully, pulled through) and that it's not surprising it's still affecting you two decades later if you weren't supported or helped through it at the time (or in the time since). So you sort of have unresolved trauma that's had a long time to fester.

I'm now finding myself finally allowing myself to feel pain and I'm crying at the drop of a hat, almost like finally, someone can see how traumatic that experience was for me.

Are you still under the care of the "new" psychiatrist? Have any of your HCPs ever suggested EMDR therapy to you? It is used to treat trauma.

No, he was a random psychiatrist standing in. They're looking at all sorts of diagnoses now to be honest and EMDR has been mentioned but not by the team that I'm under. He was under a different team and I don't know how much they communicate with each other. I think even accepting to myself that it was a horrific experience is therapeutic and I'm a little emotional and of course having to deal with it all alone but just knowing that he knew has soothed me a little. It was like 'it's ok to be sad about that' when I was told that I simply had to get on with it and 'it could have been worse!' Yeah it could have been worse and I remind myself of that every day, which is partly the problem!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 15:56

Innate · 28/08/2022 15:50

I had a traumatic birth with my DC2. I feel strongly that my GP's clear description of it as an 'obstetric disaster' was enormously helpful in my ability to process those events. Having that clear, unequivocal acknowledgment of the gravity of the situation by a medic made a huge difference to me. Flowers

Wow! That's amazingly fucking awful while still being amazingly brilliant that the GP gave it the bloody descriptor that it merited. I think that nobody even acknowledged remotely how traumatic my fear was because at end of the day my baby survived (thank God) and I was just written off as ungrateful almost.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 15:58

Btw, your GP sounds like a comedian as I hope that an 'obstetric disaster' isn't commonplace! 😀

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Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 16:03

I had (and still have) a horrible notion that it was God's will that my baby should have died and that God was going to come back and take the baby off me as doctors intervened to save the baby against God's will. I had watched the film Final Destination when I was pregnant and I really think that film should be banned!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 16:06

If you don't mind going into your obstetric disaster (I love that term lol), mine was a placental abruption. A very close friend lost a baby to the same thing since then and that hasn't helped me as it reinforces how close I came to losing my child.

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Kongzilla · 28/08/2022 16:08

I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic experiences OP and your difficulties since. I'm a chartered psychologist, I would absolutely agree with PP that mentioned EMDR therapy, you would need to see a clinician trained in this therapy - you can search online for one in your area through accredited registers such as the BACP: https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists?q=EMDR.

I have seen it work wonders, a colleague of mine is currently working with EMDR someone who had severe birth trauma with a DD who is now 9, and they are making progress so it is never too late. You will not necessarily be offered it in standard mental health services depending on the availability of it in your local service and waiting lists, so if you can then consider going private. If you feel EMDR isn't for you, I would consider at least seeking out a therapist who specialises in birth trauma, again, don't feel like because it wasn't recent that they wouldn't be able to help, people often only seek support long after the event and therapists are used to this.

I would also really suggest reading a book called The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk - it's a fantastic read to help anyone understand the long lasting impact of experiencing trauma and how it can be healed, and explains things like EMDR and the research that supports their use.

Innate · 28/08/2022 16:15

It was just a comment made in passing, but I remember doing an internal double-take when he said it. It was a bit of a shock to hear it so brutally accurately put.

Me and my baby survived a very near miss, I suffered life-changing injuries and had multiple surgeries, but before he said that I'd not really recognised it for what it was. I was just concentrating on being glad my baby and I were alive.

Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 16:16

Kongzilla · 28/08/2022 16:08

I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic experiences OP and your difficulties since. I'm a chartered psychologist, I would absolutely agree with PP that mentioned EMDR therapy, you would need to see a clinician trained in this therapy - you can search online for one in your area through accredited registers such as the BACP: https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists?q=EMDR.

I have seen it work wonders, a colleague of mine is currently working with EMDR someone who had severe birth trauma with a DD who is now 9, and they are making progress so it is never too late. You will not necessarily be offered it in standard mental health services depending on the availability of it in your local service and waiting lists, so if you can then consider going private. If you feel EMDR isn't for you, I would consider at least seeking out a therapist who specialises in birth trauma, again, don't feel like because it wasn't recent that they wouldn't be able to help, people often only seek support long after the event and therapists are used to this.

I would also really suggest reading a book called The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk - it's a fantastic read to help anyone understand the long lasting impact of experiencing trauma and how it can be healed, and explains things like EMDR and the research that supports their use.

Thank you so much. I know it has been mentioned by another another psychiatrist (lol, I don't have ten psychiatrists) very recently as a result of her perhaps looking at the notes from the other psychiatrist but I suspect the waiting list is looooonnnnnng. I'll look up that book though. I've seen it mentioned in relation to something else and I've a kindle credit I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 16:22

Innate · 28/08/2022 16:15

It was just a comment made in passing, but I remember doing an internal double-take when he said it. It was a bit of a shock to hear it so brutally accurately put.

Me and my baby survived a very near miss, I suffered life-changing injuries and had multiple surgeries, but before he said that I'd not really recognised it for what it was. I was just concentrating on being glad my baby and I were alive.

Yes and there's a lot to be said for getting on with things but some things need to be named and an 'obstetric disaster' sounds apt! I very much felt like my body had failed my child, God was involved and I feel that that description is about all that adequately fits as I was about 13 hours before they agreed to an emergency c-section (the bleeding stopped for a while and the baby wasn't in distress) so it's easier to be angry with the obstetrician or with my body than with God (I really don't like that he can be anywhere and I'm not entirely convinced that he's not a vengeful lad from the Old Testament! 😜).

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ZellyFitzgerald · 28/08/2022 16:23

I had a traumatic birth with my son which was an emergency c section at 42 weeks after numerous delays and lack of care due to NHS shortages.

The local anaesthetic didn't work and they just had to go ahead anyway.

I recently watched the new GOT episode and it reminded me so much of my experience.

I'm 10 years on and none of it has been addressed, people just expect you to get over it, not sure why.

I still have PTSD, which I am struggling with, so I am posting more in solidarity than anything else, just to let you know I know what you are going through.

Original poster
Chowbellow · 28/08/2022 16:36

ZellyFitzgerald · 28/08/2022 16:23

I had a traumatic birth with my son which was an emergency c section at 42 weeks after numerous delays and lack of care due to NHS shortages.

The local anaesthetic didn't work and they just had to go ahead anyway.

I recently watched the new GOT episode and it reminded me so much of my experience.

I'm 10 years on and none of it has been addressed, people just expect you to get over it, not sure why.

I still have PTSD, which I am struggling with, so I am posting more in solidarity than anything else, just to let you know I know what you are going through.

Is GOT Game of Thrones? I've never watched it if that's what it is?
Why has it taken a random psychiatrist 20 years in to link my mental health issues to the birth? I know that all births are tough and I know that there are worse things than your baby coming out perfectly healthy. I know that. But it's like there's no acknowledgement of the trauma that a traumatic birth can have. None.

The psychiatrist btw was an elderly man.

OP posts:
nowtygaffer · 28/08/2022 16:49

Hi OP, have you looked at the Birth Trauma website? Might be worth a look. One thing that helped me was writing my experience down. I have known women in their 50s who are still traumatised by their birth experiences.

crochetcrazy1978 · 28/08/2022 16:49

I had a terrible birth with my first. Pre eclampsia, failed induction, poor pain control from an incorrectly placed epidural. Staff didn't believe I could still feel pain, was in kidney failure and liver failure due to the pre eclampsia. Ended up needing an emergency section. Was terrified they would operate without pain relief as midwife said 'it's ok she has an epidural in' (the one they didn't believe had failed. ) lost so much blood in the section I was borderline needing a transfusion and was anaemic for months afterwards. Just a total shit show

I was completely traumatised, had nightmares, flashbacks, severe anxiety. Would have panic attacks if I had to drive past the hospital or if birth was ever mentioned. Was eventually diagnosed with ptsd but not offered any help. I used alcohol to cope. I noticed the ptsd was worse around her birthday. It's a known thing that anniversary's of the trauma can re trigger ptsd.

18 years on and I'm much better now. I found the birth trauma association helpful at the time

ZellyFitzgerald · 28/08/2022 18:53

@Chowbellow

The new series House of the Dragon.

It was this awful experience of confusion and terror, things happening too late and rushed.

It wasn't until I had an elective c section with my second that I realised how things should have been.

Incidentally all my therapists afterwards were men, and they just didn't get it. Apparently I should be grateful that my baby was alive and to just forget the rest.

Post natal care (if you're in the UK) is shocking, you're supposed to just shut up and get on with things.