Birth trauma and mental ill-health

[Chowbellow]

Ok, so I've debated where to put this but didn't want to post in the pregnancy or birth forums as I don't want to terrify mothers-to-be or indeed in the mental health section as it's quiet and people like to have hope and I rather hope that support is getting better. However, I'd like to discuss it if anyone else identifies?

I have had mental health issues since my first child was born (it was diagnosed as PND at the time) and I've never really entirely recovered.

About 3 months ago, I saw a new psychiatrist, and he was the first person who ever asked about my child's birth, apart from in the first couple of months after the birth. I'm pretty sure that by now even psychiatrists think I should have moved on lol.

I almost lost my baby at birth and I very much had to get on with it without it being addressed in any way.
He asked all the usual questions but seemed very interested in the fact that my issues had only started after my eldest's birth.
I don't mean interested in a morbid way, more that he asked the junior doctor to make a note of it.
I answered a question he hadn't asked which was 'was the pregnancy complicated?' or something like that (I can't remember the exact wording of the question) and I rambled on about the job situation and having to move home and give up work and he interjected with 'I mean physically'.
Given that I was talking to a psychiatrist I presumed he wouldn't have been interested in physical complications of the birth so he had listened to chapter and verse for about 10 minutes before he interrupted.
I've never had his opinion on it but it actually makes sense to me as to why I am the way I am now as the fear of that event has coloured everything in my life and I have developed a desperate fear of losing people, to the extreme.
I'm now finding myself finally allowing myself to feel pain and I'm crying at the drop of a hat, almost like finally, someone can see how traumatic that experience was for me.

Does anyone else identify with this?

@crochetcrazy1978

I'm so sorry for your experience. Mine was similar. Failed epidural which travelled upwards instead of downwards. Not believed and left feeling terrified and out of control. It's awful and no woman should go through it.

I'm sorry I didn't see your last response. I hope you're doing well. It's the terror that got me. That fear of the first person that I truly loved unconditionally dying before she was even born still haunts me. I still find myself reliving that fear, those moments when I thought she would die. I hope you're doing ok now.

I think any sort of mental health issue after having a baby is almost immediately put down to pnd.

I had a horrific birth with my first baby. I lost a lot of blood and nearly died. My husband was handed the baby and told to get out of the theatre while buzzers and alarms went off and I was lying there wondering how my baby would cope without a mum. I had constant flashbacks about this afterwards. At 6 weeks post partum I was ready to end my own life. I went to the Gp. She spoke to me for all of 5 minutes, told me I had pnd, wrote me a prescription for antidepressants and sent me on my way. It was only when I sat down, looking at this prescription I realised I wasn’t depressed at all, I was traumatised. I managed to self refer for cbt and was incredibly lucky to get treatment quickly and made a great recovery. I’ve since had 2 other children and no mental health problems.

If I’d listened to that GP I’d probably still be on antidepressants and wouldn’t have been able to process the trauma.

That sounds like brilliant care. I agree, I possibly had pnd but I suspect what was really wrong was trauma. Thank you for your post. I wish that we share stories so that people responsible for delivery of our babies know not only how to save our babies but how to instruct after-care.

I clicked on your post because I had a traumatic birth with my first and am 30 weeks pregnant with my second. I had a retained placenta which the doctor tried to pull out without anaesthetic and in the process tore it. I lost 3 litres of blood and had to be taken into emergency surgery with alarms ringing everywhere. My daughter was taken up to NICU without me and I was terrified I was going to die.

She's nearly three, and I flagged early on in this pregnancy my concerns. Post-natal care wasn't really there when she was born as we went into Covid a couple of weeks later and it was just about surviving. That being said, this time round the antenatal mental health team have been great, acknowledged the trauma from the first time, I will now have weekly counselling sessions until birth, an enhanced birth plan and have also be recommended for EMDR therapy. I'm still terrified to do it again but am reassured it seems to be being taken seriously. I hope you get the help you need too, i was hoping once I was done having babies I'd be able to move on but it's obviously not that simple.

The care you're now experiencing sounds brilliant but I hear the fear that you have about this pregnancy too. It's amazing how different care for mothers can lead to fabulous outcomes.

I am guessing that you are super stressed about this pregnancy (despite the brave face?) 🙂
Thank you for posting btw. I thought I was talking into the dark.