Sil teaching Dd bad words

[Sunbehindtheclouds]

Does anyone else find this just bloody odd. Sil thinking it’s funny to teach Dd, only 4, to be rough and tell people to leave her alone/get lost etc and laughing when Dd gets all riled up and overstimulated and hitting and shouting at Dh and I?
Deliberately laughing when she does *naughty/challenging things, would you do that?

Forget about SiL, stop wondering why she does it, & don't bother worrying about what her "issues" might be.

Put all your focus onto bringing up DD the way you want & need to, & just quietly avoid SiL.

Exactly and you worded it much more politely than I was going to. Why all this pondering about the sister in laws motives? It doesn't matter.

@Sunbehindtheclouds I really struggle to understand why you are allowing it to happen? Just stop it immediately. If need be pick you child up and leave the room telling her "Aunty is being really silly again, it makes you cross and irritable so we will go now". Every time. One day you'll hear your child say "I don't want you to do that" and you can be proud of what you have taught her.
Do not let people interfere with your parenting.

Keep this person very far from your child. She sounds like a sociopath.

@unname 🙈That bad?! She just seems angry a lot and is aggressive

Does sil have kids herself?
I ask bc one of mine does not and she often laughs when the kids do something challenging. I have glared at her in the past and she got really upset when she realised that she had been inappropriate and made the situ worse.(she also genuinely had no idea that playing a chasing game with hiding and slamming doors was a bad idea with toddlers...). So obv clueless but in my case I do believe she means well but sometimes she simply doesn't get it. She also loves relating to them as the rebellious aunt who still has fights with her own parents etc.
In your case I would nip it in the bud firmly: we don't speak/act behave like that and remove dd physically if nec.

It's beside the point

The point is, you didn't put a stop to it

Keep her away from your child.

I would actively avoid anyone upsetting a child like that.

That it took you hours to calm her back down is strange.

It really isn't in your childs best interests to be anywhere near this person.

Protect her.

@Pamlar She has two! One teenage and one older

Oh dear. Just being nasty then and enjoying the spectacle bc she's done with that phase...

@Pamlar Do you think that’s what it is? So nice to her brother…and her niece! Messed up

@billy1966 Well that was 4 hours in the day then they came round later and she was two hours late to bed, it was a nightmare,

Tell SIL her influence is unwelcome and unless she stops that behaviour, her contact with DC will ve very limited from now on.

You need to prioritise your child.

You say you were waiting for her to stop? Why on earth didn’t you immediately stop her? You’re the parent too, it isn’t just up to your Dh to stop her, even tho it’s his sister.

Yes, you and your DH definitely need to have a sharp word with your SIL. It’s really shitty to wind up a child like that; it’s not fair on you and it’s not fair on the child - your DD is too little to understand that just because it makes SIL laugh, that doesn’t mean people with laugh at it anywhere else, and that it will just make other children and adults dislike her.

@ManateeFair I think we were too shocked at first as she’s a grown woman and a mum!

I'm wondering what exactly SIL was saying or doing to your daughter.

Can you provide a snapshot of how the interaction went?

My BIL used to behave similarly to this with my toddler, try to get him to behave badly/wind him up I think he enjoyed the drama and upsetting me and my partner. Things like offering him chocolate when Id already asked him not to, then saying "oh no mummy says no but you really want chocolate" and refusing to stop talking about it, even when son is screaming.. handing him a water hose to spray us/ himself when we are all on our way out and then have to go change...

I dealt with it by just immediately removing my son from such situations. My son used to love him but actually now seems quite distant with him, i think he got used to every time he saw him ending in tears and associating it with negativity.

It was really upsetting for me as I liked my BIL and I find it really sad that he seemed to care more about my son as entertainment for himself rather than building a relationship with him.

@mathanxiety She was basically saying to her that you shout at people ‘Back off!’ And sort of doing a pushing motion with hands, so Dd was repeating it then louder and louder again and again, as she was showing her again and again..just weird. Then as we were trying to gain control of the situation, Dd was then all over the place shouting at Dh and screaming after I’d said we were going now (I just wanted her out of the situation) and Dh was trying to get her to either go on her bike or he’d carry her and she was hitting and shouting at him. She’s quite a sensitive child and can get easily wound up, she needs calming from me sometimes. Sil was then laughing, sometimes outright but then turning away saying ‘Oh I shouldn’t laugh’ but then laughing. Dh was visibly struggling with her, wouldn’t you try to help rather than laughing. Then the whole walk back to the car was with me trying to calm her down, they just looked like they didn’t even get it

@Janeykat That is annoying

My BIL has taught his toddlers to swear. He seems to think that it’s hilarious that they shout out fuck off and shit regularly. We keep our toddler well away from all of them. Distance yourself. There people are not good for children.

Time to teach DD that it's OK to ignore some adults, and we don't listen to Aunty X.

Wouldn’t let her around my child if that’s what she is like.

@Slopey Yes I thought of saying to her that we don’t say what Auntie * said to say. She hasn’t repeated it so I’m wondering (hoping) that she’s just forgotten already