Didn't realise dd is overweight

[heydorothea]

NCed because I posted earlier in the week and I don't want to out myself.

DD's dad weighed her at his today and her BMI puts her at slightly overweight. She's very tall for her age, she's always been at the heaviest end of healthy weight for her height since she was tiny but relative to her height. She's now just into the overweight band. I feel like shit for not realising, her dad hasn't seen her for a few weeks so probably a better judge than I am. She struggles with body image as it is and I feel awful.

She's about the age I was when I started my periods and I remember my mother commenting I'd gained weight around that time. My childhood and weight are a whole other thread. I really don't want that for DD. WIBU to leave her be for now and see what happens? I don't want to draw attention to it, her dad does.

I haven't read this book but I do not believe it's 'completely normal' to 'pile on' weight before puberty.

Changing weight distribution in girls, in terms of fat deposits changing with hormones is a completely different issue.

Your job is to teach her how to eat well, and not to focus on weight and diets.

Good habits are what you need to think about. This means even if she is bigger, she has the tools to do something when she's older.

So, give thought to how much snacking is going on. Don't stop it completely as that's just going to drive desire for the forbidden. Multiple chocolate bars and Crisps? Nope. Instead encourage maybe another small proper meal where she sits down to eat after school. The point being not to eat on the go. Focus on the food.

Give thought to portion control and set up what is normal.

Encourage to drink lots of water. Discourage drinking sugary drinks too much. For example one glass of fresh orange juice not multiple ones. And avoid drinks with artificial sweeter too where you can because they stimulate appetite. Want something with flavour? Stick to squash or something like sparkling water with citrus fruit thrown in for a lime soda or an orange soda.

And yes, 100% teach her to cook and make cooking something she likes to do rather than let her leave home thinking she can't or that ready meals are just easier / better. This includes stressing batch cooking as a tool to keep your costs down!

And don't project / make a point about her weight.

Its about good habits.

Back to OP, I think it's entirely appropriate to keep an eye on it, while being conscious of diet & activity. I also think it's absolutely fine to talk about healthy choices & impact around that.

That's not the same as focusing on weight or putting pressure on your DD.

The tiptoeing around weight issues recently is ridiculous. It's important our DC are well-informed about food choices & activity levels in relation to their health.

Probably a few things at play here.

1. hormones.

2. school holidays. Much more time to snack, tend to play less, less sports clubs and activities etc.

I agree 100% with you not making a fuss. Just adjust diet and lifestyle in a positive way.

You are repeating the pattern here and creating weight issues, IMO.

YABU. What’s the point waiting for her to be very overweight and then she’ll have even more to lose? Reduce her portions, get her dad to do the same, make her lunches and don’t give her dinner money. You’re doing her a really big favour in the long run.

The number of children who are visibly overweight is very concerning. Obviously it's not sensible to make her self conscious, but no action is equally unwise.

Out of a class of teenage girls I see more than half clearly overweight. I don't think just accepting it, or putting it down to an upcoming growth spurt is helpful.

Don't mention it to her but up the exercise, so dog walking, extra swimming, try the park run 3k. My 7 year old Grandson does this and loves it. Offer low fat deserts like yoghurt. Ask Dad to stop the junk food and offer healthy meals.

Eating disorders are such a tiny issue when compared with the number of overweight girls, it really isn’t a reason not to do anything about it.

Children can concertina as they grow, but they shouldn't "pile it on" because children don't grow indefinitely. The "healthy" range is broad and for the majority there should be scope for children to have a range of centiles to accomodate their growth within a healthy bracket.
Too often there are children heavy earlier on in puberty, stretch out so their weight fits their new height and then once they quietly stop growing the excess consumption continues and the weight gain continues. Also activity levels often tail off in the teenage years.

Dieting and shaming are damaging, but it is healthy to review and tweak habits. Normally it doesn't take much to make a positive difference to a child. Disney dads overdoing the treats is something worth addressing. That doesn't mean no treats, just being aware of how they stack up and thinking about when to fit a treat in.

It's sensible to be mindful of triggering eating disorders, but society tends to forget that over eating in various forms is also disordered.

It's completely normal for a girl who is gearing up to start her period to get a little chunkier. It's hormonal and what her body is meant to do.

What is less normal is a dad (who isn't with her day to day) putting his pre-teen daughter on the scales. That's a bit of a red flag to me, personally.

I've been asking her dad to stop feeding her crap for years. He will make a huge deal of it to me now but expect me be the only one to take control of it.

She's already very active, we actually do parkrun together already. She doesn't get dinner money, she's 10. She has a packed lunch four days, school lunch one day a week.

Go follow alexlight_Lon on Instagram and for the love of god break this toxic cycle of weight stigma and shame with yourself, your daughter doesn’t need to inherit the generational shame and misery so many women endure.