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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday

44 replies

MrsPetty · 27/08/2022 18:13

I really don’t know if IABU.

in a nutshell, I have a friend who has grown up DCs and a mostly absent DH.

A while back I was taking a mini break with my DC and invited her to join us. She was home alone a lot and suffering with stress.

The mini break was difficult! She’s not in the best of health and I felt like a carer most of the time. She really enjoyed it though and wanted to reciprocate by taking us away.

I agreed to organise something after the summer and she put pressure on me to book something - she gave me her criteria - somewhere warm and a balcony. As I’m bound by the school holidays the first opportunity is mid term and we need to go abroad for sunshine at that time of year.

I researched places and sent her the details of flights, accommodation and car hire. She asked me to book it and sent me her bank card details which I did. Then she sent her bank details for me to transfer payment for my DC and myself.

I realise that going abroad for a week is more expensive than a hotel/shopping mini break but I feel that she ought to have offered to pay for the accommodation as a minimum. She literally paid for nothing when she came with us.

I feel that I’ve been conned into going on a holiday that she insisted was her ‘treat’. Her family obviously do not want to travel with her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Chdjdn · 27/08/2022 18:16

I’d reply saying how much did she want you to transfer as she’d mentioned reciprocating after your trip away. Either she didn’t mean for you to pay your whole share or it’ll remind her that she’s being so cheeky. It sounds like you’ve not only been conned into a holiday but also into all the organisation of it.

ladygugu · 27/08/2022 18:17

Im confused, so she offered to pay for a break for you and your DC then once it was booked she asked you to transfer the money for you and DC?

Did you misconstrue the offer or has she changed the goalposts?

Cosycover · 27/08/2022 18:26

So awkward! Can you afford it?

RandomMess · 27/08/2022 18:27

I would just send her the money for your flights back.

Allschoolsareartschools · 27/08/2022 18:29

Gosh how awkward! Agree to ask her how much she wants but cringing for you.
Have you paid the full balance or just a deposit?

SuperCamp · 27/08/2022 18:36

Eek!

I would say ‘fair enough, it did sound a generous trip when you said you wanted to reciprocate for the weekend break! How much do you want me to transfer to make up the difference between the 2 trips?”

SuperCamp · 27/08/2022 18:38

Sorry..”when you said you wanted to reciprocate for the weekend break by taking us away ..”

Original poster
MrsPetty · 27/08/2022 21:30

@ladygugu the goalposts have been moved after the game has kicked off.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPetty · 27/08/2022 21:34

@Cosycover I can afford it. As holidays go, I found us a really good deal - as I figured I wasn’t footing the bill. The issue is that I wouldn’t ordinarily choose to go on holiday with this person, it was offered as a treat…reciprocity for the trip she took with us and other ways that I’ve helped her out. I really wasn’t sure if I was BU … I just feel mugged off.

OP posts:
KyaClark · 27/08/2022 21:36

Cancel.

Original poster
MrsPetty · 27/08/2022 21:37

@Allschoolsareartschools She paid for it all and then sent me her bank details asking me to transfer the money for DCs and me. I feel if I say anything it will put a huge downer on the trip that I now wish I wasn’t going on.

OP posts:
Nannydoodles · 27/08/2022 22:13

I would find a reason to cancel. If you feel mugged off you won’t enjoy it anyway.
Depends also on how much you value the friendship, could you try and explain the misunderstanding?

DenholmElliot1 · 27/08/2022 22:19

Are you sure you didn't misunderstand? It seems odd for a single women to offer to take another woman and her two kids away for a week long foreign holiday to reciprocate for a week-end mini break in the UK.

In any case as another poster said, I wouldn't go now, i'd feel mugged off.

autienotnaughty · 27/08/2022 22:22

Just say "thanks for bank details, obviously didn't expect you to pay it all! How much do you need me to send to make up the difference between the two trips?"

DenholmElliot1 · 27/08/2022 22:24

Who will be doing the driving?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/08/2022 22:32

I think you have to ask her to clarify. “How much do you want me to transfer, as you did say you wanted this to be your treat?” Or something like that.

Ponoka7 · 27/08/2022 22:34

If the accommodation costs are similar to what you've spent, I'd send her your share minus the accommodation. If she gets on touch say that you thought that it was her treat. I'd go but I'd shut down any talk of this being the norm from now on.

Rogue1001MNer · 27/08/2022 22:34

Chdjdn · 27/08/2022 18:16

I’d reply saying how much did she want you to transfer as she’d mentioned reciprocating after your trip away. Either she didn’t mean for you to pay your whole share or it’ll remind her that she’s being so cheeky. It sounds like you’ve not only been conned into a holiday but also into all the organisation of it.

Oh, very very good.

Original poster
MrsPetty · 27/08/2022 23:31

@DenholmElliot1 we’re flying. To Spain. I did the driving when she came on our mini break previously

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPetty · 27/08/2022 23:34

@DenholmElliot1 No. I definitely didn’t misunderstand. She’s been talking about taking me and DDs away since we came back from the mini break. She’s not single. She has grown up DC who don’t live at home. She can be quite high maintenance so I don’t think they want to travel with her.

OP posts:
DPotter · 27/08/2022 23:42

Cancel

You'll end up paying for you, DC and all costs whilst you're out there.
Instead of a few days caring, you'll have a week of it.

If you still feel some level of obligation - go out for a meal

Mosso · 27/08/2022 23:42

Cancel it

Snugglemonkey · 28/08/2022 00:03

SuperCamp · 27/08/2022 18:36

Eek!

I would say ‘fair enough, it did sound a generous trip when you said you wanted to reciprocate for the weekend break! How much do you want me to transfer to make up the difference between the 2 trips?”

This! ^

rookiemere · 28/08/2022 06:57

When did she say it was her treat? What words did she use? Did she put in in a message or email anywhere, if so I'd quote it back to her.

Can you cancel the accommodation and use the flights for you and DCs to stay somewhere cheaper?

Sparkletastic · 28/08/2022 07:00

I'd see if you can cancel or not go with her. She sounds like she needs a reality check about her behaviour and expectations towards others.

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