Holiday

[MrsPetty]

I really don’t know if IABU.

in a nutshell, I have a friend who has grown up DCs and a mostly absent DH.

A while back I was taking a mini break with my DC and invited her to join us. She was home alone a lot and suffering with stress.

The mini break was difficult! She’s not in the best of health and I felt like a carer most of the time. She really enjoyed it though and wanted to reciprocate by taking us away.

I agreed to organise something after the summer and she put pressure on me to book something - she gave me her criteria - somewhere warm and a balcony. As I’m bound by the school holidays the first opportunity is mid term and we need to go abroad for sunshine at that time of year.

I researched places and sent her the details of flights, accommodation and car hire. She asked me to book it and sent me her bank card details which I did. Then she sent her bank details for me to transfer payment for my DC and myself.

I realise that going abroad for a week is more expensive than a hotel/shopping mini break but I feel that she ought to have offered to pay for the accommodation as a minimum. She literally paid for nothing when she came with us.

I feel that I’ve been conned into going on a holiday that she insisted was her ‘treat’. Her family obviously do not want to travel with her.

AIBU?

She’s managed to manipulate you into paying to be her companion on her holiday and you’d be a doormat to let her get away with it! Please do not just transfer the money meekly!

Awful. She offered to treat you after you had paid for her on the mini break. She gave you criteria then her bank details. She let you do the booking. She'll expect you to act as her carer on the holiday like she did last time. Now she's asking you to pay. She's a manipulative CF. If she really just intended to pay for herself, she would have asked for your bank details to transfer her half rather than giving you her bank details tp stary with. If you can cancel the holiday with no penalties, I would do so. And re-think the friendship. She's one of life's takers.

Do you even want to go on holiday with her, it doesn't sound like much of a holiday for you? And asking you to cover your costs, when you paid for the entirety of the mini-break, would just cement in my mind that she's not someone I want to be going on holiday with! This doesn't just seem like a misunderstanding, she's manipulated you into organising a holiday, and paying when she said it's a treat. That's not something friends do, so why go with her? I'd just cancel, and transfer her money back, bar the deposit.

Make up an excise and cancel - I'd offer to pay any money she loses. It'll be a terrible trip now as you can't help but feel resentful.

You’re going to have to be brave and ask her to clarify what the transfer for you and kids is for.

if she has repeatedly mentioned ‘taking you away’ you are well within reason to make this distinction. Otherwise it’s as you say - you’ve been conned into organising, paying for and going on a holiday that you would not have chosen.
I wouldn’t be happy.

I'd suddenly have plans for that week now and be unfortunately unable to make it now.

Did she ever pay you any money for your holiday?

Sounds like she has tricked you too be honest. Won't be much of a break for you doing all the driving and caring duties she will expect...

Irrespective of who is paying, if you find this person a bit of a CF and she has form in being one (as per your previous trip), why on earth would you even think about a holiday with her nevermind research it, book it and pay for it??!!!

I don’t think you should need to make an excuse.

‘Oh no! Sorry if I misunderstood, you’d said you wanted to treat us? Totally understand if things have changed but perhaps better to cancel if that’s the case. Really sorry but I hadn’t budgeted for the costs of this holiday on top of our previous trip. I’ll contact the holiday company now’

This is perfect.

My inclination is to cancel entirely because even if you agree to pay a reduced cost now (and she covers extra as a way of paying you back for the previous trip), my guess is she'll find a way to make you pay more while you're away. Costs of meals and activities, for example.

It's not going to be a relaxing holiday for you no matter what gets said at this stage so I think it's better to back out now and never agree to another trip.

If you've only just booked it online then you're in the cancel period. Suggest you say you thought she was covering range cost, and cancel if it blows up

I'm not sure if the cancellation period applies for flights booked separately.

This is exactly what you should do. Do not pay. Make it clear that she offered this as a treat.
If she does offer to pay - Do not go on holiday with her anyway. Do you want to be beholden to someone like that? The fact she offered and is now putting you in a position where you need to confront the situation regarding money?
She doesn’t sound like a good friend at all or someone you would choose to spend time with. If I was you, I wouldn’t go away with her & definitely make no payment. I would just try & get some money back from the previous holiday. Good Luck.

Oh this is perfect!

I would definitely cancel, this is going to be a disaster if you don't.

I would send a confused text. Say you think there has been a misunderstanding as she said she would reciprocate.

Say your trip cost you £x

Ask outright. "What amount are you expecting me to transfer?"

Or just say. On reflection you really can't afford to go blame the cost of living crisis. And suggest she takes a different friend

Be firm and cancel

She's making you pay for a holiday on which you will be her carer effectively. She sounds very difficult and entitled. It's not for nothing her dh and dc don't want to go away with her.

Definitely don't pay. And I would refuse to go away with her this time as it sets a precedent.