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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu for being offended by this?

44 replies

Sbj10 · 27/08/2022 14:55

I’m currently pregnant, due to a multitude of reasons I’m not able to keep this pregnancy, this is a pretty recent thing so it’s still very sore. This has absolutely destroyed me, I want nothing more than to keep this baby but it’s just not possible at the moment. I’ve spoken to my “best” friend about this, including how upset I am about it. Now my problem is, this friend has messaged me saying she’s about to take a pregnancy test because she’s been feeling odd recently. I don’t know if it’s just the hormones but I’m really hurt by it, I feel like it’s pretty insensitive, don’t get me wrong I’m happy for her, but it’s really hurtful, it almost feels like she’s sorta rubbing it in my face when she knows how much this is hurting me, I just feel like maybe this is something she could’ve kept to herself for a bit, but maybe I’m just being unreasonable.

OP posts:
boomoohoo · 27/08/2022 15:00

Really inconsiderate and thoughtless of your friend OP, I would feel the same as you. I have a friend who can be a bit like this. She's lovely in other ways, I've just learnt not to rely on her to be particularly sensitive with me if I'm having a hard time

BogOffTraceyBeaker · 27/08/2022 16:45

How long would you expect her to wait to tell you if she’s pregnant, it isn’t her fault you cannot continue your pregnancy. She needs you at this time as much as you need her

Chamomileteaplease · 27/08/2022 16:54

Yeah her timing is way off. No need to tell you this yet.

Has she been an insensitive cow before now??

PonyPatter44 · 27/08/2022 16:58

BogOffTraceyBeaker · 27/08/2022 16:45

How long would you expect her to wait to tell you if she’s pregnant, it isn’t her fault you cannot continue your pregnancy. She needs you at this time as much as you need her

Oh come off it! Of COURSE its insensitive to be wittering about your own pregnancy to someone who has literally JUST had a termination. I'm sure the friend is excited but she should find someone else to talk to until its a bit less immediate for the OP.

ChrisTrepidation · 27/08/2022 16:58

YANBU. Your friend is being massively insensitive. Why does she need to tell you she's taking a test ffs?

You sound so upset about not being able to continue with your pregnancy. I don't mean to pry but is it for medical reasons? Because if not then are you 100% sure you can't continue?

Just to add for any critics. I am completely pro choice and merely asking because the op sounds so devastated.

ChrisTrepidation · 27/08/2022 17:00

@PonyPatter44 The op is still pregnant. Not that I'm disagreeing with what you've said. I agree the friend is being very Insensitive.

roarfeckingroarr · 27/08/2022 17:00

YABU

This is apparently your best friend and friendship works both ways. She's looking for support for her own situation from her friend.

roarfeckingroarr · 27/08/2022 17:02

Is this a medical reason? Because if not, there's always a way if you want it this much.

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 17:03

I feel like she should have done the test first then worried about if she should tell you or not

Purpleforthewin · 27/08/2022 17:08

I'm sorry for what you are going through but if she is a close friend it is natural for her to want to share something that is quite major for her.

tulippa · 27/08/2022 17:16

@roarfeckingroarr
The OP has made it clear she cannot continue with pregnancy. It's pretty obvious she has thought it all through. Why are you questioning her judgement?

OP yanbu. No need for your friend to mention she is doing a test considering your circumstances.

NippyWoowoo · 27/08/2022 17:24

roarfeckingroarr · 27/08/2022 17:02

Is this a medical reason? Because if not, there's always a way if you want it this much.

ODFOD

Original poster
Sbj10 · 27/08/2022 17:25

Well I wouldn’t expect her to come out with it less than a week after telling her….. and without even confirming the pregnancy

OP posts:
Original poster
Sbj10 · 27/08/2022 17:28

Purpleforthewin · 27/08/2022 17:08

I'm sorry for what you are going through but if she is a close friend it is natural for her to want to share something that is quite major for her.

Oh I’m happy to support her, but she has a good support system, I feel like it was insensitive to what I’m going through, when she has several other people to ask for support in the meantime. I am not her only option.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sbj10 · 27/08/2022 17:31

roarfeckingroarr · 27/08/2022 17:00

YABU

This is apparently your best friend and friendship works both ways. She's looking for support for her own situation from her friend.

I’ve said in my post I am happy for her, however I feel like this was horrible timing on her part. As I said this is very recent for me, and her pregnancy is not confirmed yet. I feel she could’ve waited until it was AT LEAST confirmed before involving me. Even then, I am not her only option for support, she previously has kept a pregnancy secret for much longer than this. I know she doesn’t completely approve of the abortion as she has suffered with infertility so it very much feels like rubbing it in my face

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 27/08/2022 17:39

It's very insensitive and selfish of your friend. Incredibly so.

I imagine if the situation was you struggling with infertility and getting the same message from your friend, you'd have got a very different response.

You have obviously divulged your emotional struggle with your decision to your friend, she should have kept her trap shut.

NotMyDust · 27/08/2022 17:40

I'd tell her you can't deal with it right now, so she has a chance to have a think beyond her own ego. yes very very insensitive but we all make mistakes....

Crunchymum · 27/08/2022 17:42

Sorry I've just read your most recent post (about her being anti abortion and having had her own fertility struggles) so yes she is definitely making a point.

I am afraid she was never going to be "good" support for you given your differing situations and views.

Josette77 · 27/08/2022 17:46

She has infertity ànd you are having an abortion.

Honestly, I don't think she was the appropriate person to go to for support.

Rounddog · 27/08/2022 17:50

BogOffTraceyBeaker · 27/08/2022 16:45

How long would you expect her to wait to tell you if she’s pregnant, it isn’t her fault you cannot continue your pregnancy. She needs you at this time as much as you need her

I think you would choose literally any other friend to discuss this situation with than a person who has to terminate a much wanted pregnancy. I mean you could speak to the bud driver on your way home before the OP. That is massively insensitive of your friend @Sbj10. I’m sorry for your situation.

whatkatydid2013 · 27/08/2022 17:53

She’s been a bit insensitive but honestly if she’s had infertility issues you telling her about being conflicted about an abortion is equally if not more insensitive so on that basis think yabu

Josette77 · 27/08/2022 17:53

But what about OP choosing her friend with infertility issues to discuss her abortion with?

Surely she could have gone to someone else too.

SmudgeButt · 27/08/2022 17:56

I don't think it's her being insensitive. Rather maybe she's scared about what's happening with you and is worried she may go through something similar. Maybe because she thinks she's pregnant she needs you to back off a bit because she won't be able to handle the details and knows she can't support you and knows you aren't in the right space to support her.

When people are scared they blurt things out that might be better left for another time.

Rounddog · 27/08/2022 17:57

Sbj10 · 27/08/2022 17:31

I’ve said in my post I am happy for her, however I feel like this was horrible timing on her part. As I said this is very recent for me, and her pregnancy is not confirmed yet. I feel she could’ve waited until it was AT LEAST confirmed before involving me. Even then, I am not her only option for support, she previously has kept a pregnancy secret for much longer than this. I know she doesn’t completely approve of the abortion as she has suffered with infertility so it very much feels like rubbing it in my face

Show quote history

Yes I missed this post too. She isn’t the person to support you with this situation because of her own issues either. It is tough but at the moment you both probably need space from one another.

Purpleforthewin · 27/08/2022 17:59

Sbj10 · 27/08/2022 17:28

Oh I’m happy to support her, but she has a good support system, I feel like it was insensitive to what I’m going through, when she has several other people to ask for support in the meantime. I am not her only option.

Show quote history

In your original post you referred to her as best friend but it sounds like you don't see your relationship as best friends, it which case I guess it may have been insensitive.

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