Aibu for being offended by this?

[Sbj10]

I’m currently pregnant, due to a multitude of reasons I’m not able to keep this pregnancy, this is a pretty recent thing so it’s still very sore. This has absolutely destroyed me, I want nothing more than to keep this baby but it’s just not possible at the moment. I’ve spoken to my “best” friend about this, including how upset I am about it. Now my problem is, this friend has messaged me saying she’s about to take a pregnancy test because she’s been feeling odd recently. I don’t know if it’s just the hormones but I’m really hurt by it, I feel like it’s pretty insensitive, don’t get me wrong I’m happy for her, but it’s really hurtful, it almost feels like she’s sorta rubbing it in my face when she knows how much this is hurting me, I just feel like maybe this is something she could’ve kept to herself for a bit, but maybe I’m just being unreasonable.

I was thinking the same thing actually.

This.

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time OP.

I’m really surprised at the votes so far. I agree with you that your friend is being insensitive and could have waited until she’d actually taken a test before saying anything. It’s in my opinion cruel when she knows you are so upset regarding your pregnancy. I wouldn’t say anything to her though as if she can’t see for herself that it was insensitive, I can imagine she will simply turn it around on you if you try to point it out.

I didn’t “go” to her. I think this is what most people are assuming, I originally was planning to keep the pregnancy, so naturally told her, until several issues came to a head which led to my decision to terminate. She was already aware of the pregnancy, she was aware of the issues (I didn’t directly tell her about these issues they are ongoing so she already knew about them even before the pregnancy), so she came to me and asked what I was going to do. I didn’t push it on her, nor did I seek her out for support with the termination.

Neither of you sounds particularly considerate towards the other.

She has had issues conceiving by the sounds of it, thus sharing with her that you are having an abortion is more than a tad ill-judged.

Her sharing with you that she might be pregnant when you have shared that you are having an abortion is also ill-judged.

So it's not a medical abortion but due to your lifestyle. That is not really the story you put in your op.
So she is struggling to get pregnant and you thought you'd tell her how you now can't afford it / bf issues that have been ongoing. Yabu!

I find it very offensive to put across that it is a “lifestyle” issue and that only “medical reasons” are a good enough issue despite not actually knowing the reasons because at no point did I give any reasons because they are not for strangers to know. This post is not discussing whether or not my decision is justified. I did also not elaborate on her issues with fertility, or how she feels about or deals with that, so please do not assume. If you read my previous replies I have also stated that I did not seek her out for support once my decision had been made not for support with the reasons why I made the decision she asked on her own accord despite no contact from me for the exact reason you have stated, as she (rightly) assumed that no contact meant I was struggling with it, and It’s not really something I can lie about because she would sure notice if there was no baby in 9 months time.

I think she probably was triggered by your pregancy to begin with especially as it sounds like the circumstances weren't great.

Be patient with eachother.

Do you mean the lifestyle of people having sex?

FFS, what an outdated and awful judgemental post. If you can't be supportive, just bog off.

I'm sorry you are so upset about your friend possibly being pregnant when you have had or are about to have an abortion.

All I can say is she didn't mean to be insensitive; she is your friend and was sharing with you as you do with her.

You will get over this and when the time is right, you'll have a baby.

What?

The friend does not even know if she's pregnant yet. There was no need at all to announce her test. She doesn't "need" OP to help her pee on a stick.

OP needed support, & the decent thing would have been to offer to go to the clinic, or sit with OP during whatever medically induced process she might choose, while keeping very quiet about her own pregnancy test.

The friend could have easily waited a couple more weeks before telling her own news. Or lack of it.

Tbh yeah if you are getting rid of your baby because it is not convenient financially or whatever that is totally different to it being a medical necessity. Yes women have the right to choose and thats fine but you can't really be butthurt by her telling you that when you've only chosen to get rid for lifestyle reasons... It would be insensitive if you were being forced.

Is your friend the sort that likes to one up you? Could this be a way of getting attention?

Absolutely this.

I agree.

I'm sorry for what you are going through OP and I agree your friend is being insensitive. If she is pregnant then of course she can share that with whoever she likes but telling you she's taking a test right now makes her sound me me me.

Plenty of people will judge you for making the choice that is right for you, people judged me for terminating an unplanned 3rd pregnancy, even people who knew I had a coil and had spent almost all of my pregnancy in hospital on a drip to try and control hg leaving my husband with our 2 young dc. Then people judged me for being upset about terminating or for not hiding it (try hiding being in hospital for 5 weeks!!), or for not wanting to be 'a bit sick' for 9 months. These types of people are twats and you should ignore them.

💐for you OP, I hope you have other support so you can take a step back from this friend for now.

I’m sorry are you aware of my reasoning why? Do you know anything about my circumstances? No? Then don’t assume.

Honestly? Yes. Once she found out I was pregnant (not this pregnancy) she then decided she wanted to start trying. She had never had any interest in getting pregnant until I was. Again with this pregnancy, once I told her about it she started talking about having another child herself

Please read my previous comments before commenting this where I have stated I DID NOT OFFER THE INFORMATION. I was originally planning to keep the pregnancy, so I informed her of it. Once I had decided I went no contact BECAUSE I DID NOT WANT TO TRIGGER HER. She took it upon herself to message ME asking if the no contact meant that I had decided to terminate. Again I DID NOT OFFER THE INFORMATION, SHE ASKED. I can hardly say “no I’m keeping it” because then what? Lie about a miscarriage? Try and explain why there’s no bump? No baby? Does nobody actually bother to read the comments?