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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that people that take pics and videos at funerals are disrespectful

41 replies

Kittycat37uk · 27/08/2022 13:15

Hi
So I'm from the UK and have noticed lately on sm people going to funerals and taking pics and videos with their phones some of them actually posing with the peace sign and duck lips pouting at a funeral like seriously?
I don't know if this is me being old fashioned but I've been to numerous funerals and not once have I felt the need to get my phone out and start posing and posting pics and videos to sm because well I've been too upset at losing the person who's funeral I'm at.

Aibu to think that this is a sick and disrespectful trend that is now prevalent on sm?

OP posts:
Anon50000 · 27/08/2022 13:18

I've never seen this and I've been to far too many funerals.

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/08/2022 13:18

Presumably if someone is at funeral they were close to and familiar enough with the corpse to know whether or not they would have disapproved or found photos and videos at their funeral disrespectful. If their judgement is that they wouldn’t have minded, fair to crack on. I care not a jot what happens at my funeral, to be honest.

Natsku · 27/08/2022 13:24

Posing for pictures at a funeral is a bit off but taking pictures isn't, might be taken for relatives who couldn't make it to the funeral for example, or from a culture where taking pictures at funeral is the done thing (it is where I live, people took a lot of pictures at DD's dad's funeral, and at my grandparents' funerals)

Kittycat37uk · 27/08/2022 13:27

I understand the pics for people who couldn't make it but the posing smiling and pouty duck face poses I just find that bizarre and disrespectful

OP posts:
Tiani4 · 27/08/2022 13:29

No one at funerals I've been to have taken photos or videos

Except for respectful photos of the flower arrangements after the end of service

I didn't want photos reminding me of those very sad days. It's the event you will always remember but don't need a photo of

dumbstruckdumptruck · 27/08/2022 13:31

I think if it looks prevalent on your social media, it says quite a bit about the people you're friends with.

I've never seen it at all, and yes, it sounds vile.

chilliesandspices · 27/08/2022 13:32

I've never seen this happen at a funeral

harrystylesbeard · 27/08/2022 13:33

Yes I have seen this. Fucking selfies at a funeral

Kittycat37uk · 27/08/2022 13:33

I have to admit I have removed a few so called friends for this.

OP posts:
Natsku · 27/08/2022 13:34

Kittycat37uk · 27/08/2022 13:27

I understand the pics for people who couldn't make it but the posing smiling and pouty duck face poses I just find that bizarre and disrespectful

Yeah I get that, I would feel quite off about people posing with smiles and duck faces. My ex's family wanted pictures of the family together at the grave but it wasn't smiling poses or anything like that, very somber stances but they just wanted some pictures together.

Redkatagain · 27/08/2022 13:48

I took pictures at a funeral. Not of any people but of the floral tributes. When you are there, you don't really get a chance to look at them and I wanted to look at them later. (The crematorium composts them after 2 days)
Taking pictures of people or worse, people posing is in very poor taste

Redkatagain · 27/08/2022 13:49

Should add this was at the funeral of a much missed close relative. My parents have also asked me if they can look at the pictures for the same reason

Anon50000 · 27/08/2022 13:55

I took photos of the flowers at my mums funeral and so did lots of people there. I don't think that's disrespectful.

sweeetpotatoes · 27/08/2022 13:56

I can understand photos of the flowers, photos of messages on them. Not to share online. Just to keep privately.

But there is absolutely no need for posed photos of people or photos of the funeral cars or coffin.

I know a woman who lost a young child. She posted photos and videos of her entire funeral on Facebook. The cars arriving, the journey, the service, the wake.

She had her other four children posing infront of the funeral flowers and infront of the coffin in the hearse.

They looked utterly bereft, pale, unwell, absolutely
grief stricken and clearly not wanting to be posing for photographs.

The photos of people at the wake, again, were horrific to see, grandparents and other relatives obviously in a lot of pain and not really wanting to be photographed. For example group photos stood infront of balloon garlands, blood shot eyes, tear stained faces.

She arranged for the wake to take place at a huge venue with decorative flowers, balloons, party bags, fireworks, it was like a wedding set up.

I wouldn't ever want to judge a mother who lost her child, and how she grieved her loss, but I did silently judge for putting her other children in that situation.
I admire her strength and determination to celebrate her child's life in a way she felt appropriate, it was beautifully done in a child's memory, but the photos were incredibly unpleasant and not necessary.
A few photos of the things she has arranged in memory, fine, but group shots and tearful children, no.

I've never attended a funeral where I have been in the head space to get my phone out and start snapping away. It's just not appropriate in my opinion.
There can be celebrations of life in time afterwards, parties, events, charity fundraising but to me the actual funeral is a sad and painful affair that would not want or need photos of.

Alldelicious · 27/08/2022 14:00

You need to change your SM contacts. I've never seen this ever and people I know have been to far too many funerals in the last 3/4 years

custardbear · 27/08/2022 14:01

My aunt does this, it's weird - fair enough take pictures at the wake or of the flowers etc, but not the coffin and mourners

HolidayHereWeCome · 27/08/2022 14:17

I took photos of my best friends mums flower arrangements (with my friends permission) and her dad took photos of the food at the wake but posed photos are in bad taste imo.

Kittycat37uk · 27/08/2022 14:24

Anon50000 · 27/08/2022 13:55

I took photos of the flowers at my mums funeral and so did lots of people there. I don't think that's disrespectful.

Flowers is completely different but smiling posing duck faces and peace signs like they are at a festival or something and not a funeral completely amazes me

OP posts:
Dinoteeth · 27/08/2022 14:24

Never seen people take photos, but was looking for information on a crematorium and found 400 odd people had done a Facebook check-in at the crematorium - really who does that??

I've also watched a couple of funerals online and felt I was invading rather than anything else

Kittycat37uk · 27/08/2022 14:27

sweeetpotatoes · 27/08/2022 13:56

I can understand photos of the flowers, photos of messages on them. Not to share online. Just to keep privately.

But there is absolutely no need for posed photos of people or photos of the funeral cars or coffin.

I know a woman who lost a young child. She posted photos and videos of her entire funeral on Facebook. The cars arriving, the journey, the service, the wake.

She had her other four children posing infront of the funeral flowers and infront of the coffin in the hearse.

They looked utterly bereft, pale, unwell, absolutely
grief stricken and clearly not wanting to be posing for photographs.

The photos of people at the wake, again, were horrific to see, grandparents and other relatives obviously in a lot of pain and not really wanting to be photographed. For example group photos stood infront of balloon garlands, blood shot eyes, tear stained faces.

She arranged for the wake to take place at a huge venue with decorative flowers, balloons, party bags, fireworks, it was like a wedding set up.

I wouldn't ever want to judge a mother who lost her child, and how she grieved her loss, but I did silently judge for putting her other children in that situation.
I admire her strength and determination to celebrate her child's life in a way she felt appropriate, it was beautifully done in a child's memory, but the photos were incredibly unpleasant and not necessary.
A few photos of the things she has arranged in memory, fine, but group shots and tearful children, no.

I've never attended a funeral where I have been in the head space to get my phone out and start snapping away. It's just not appropriate in my opinion.
There can be celebrations of life in time afterwards, parties, events, charity fundraising but to me the actual funeral is a sad and painful affair that would not want or need photos of.

Absolutely this private photos but why the need to plaster all over sm?to me that's tacky and un needed I've always been too upset to be honest to even think about my phone let alone getting it out

OP posts:
PeloAddict · 27/08/2022 14:31

We took photos at the wake and yes, on SM

Why? Because I lost my cousin age 32 a few years ago and now my mum and it's only after they've gone we realised there are no photos of me as an adult with either of them
So we got my dad, cousin, auntie etc as we were all dressed nicely and took some photos and also of the flowers

BoviTraci · 27/08/2022 14:32

Kittycat37uk · 27/08/2022 13:27

I understand the pics for people who couldn't make it but the posing smiling and pouty duck face poses I just find that bizarre and disrespectful

I took some photos of a funeral to send to a family member who lived far away and could make it but I would never make duck faces etc just so disrespectful.

Brontetoast · 27/08/2022 14:35

The last funeral I went to, not in lockdown, the daughter took a video on her phone of the whole thing. I thought it was odd.

Also I was at a churchyard where someone famous was buried (coach tours stopped there) and tourists were having photos taken of themselves literally draped over the headstone.

heyitsthistle · 27/08/2022 14:56

I've been to seventeen funerals in my lifetime and have photos from every single one of them.

MintJulia · 27/08/2022 15:00

I took some pictures of the floral tributes at my dm's funeral. it was February and the daffodils and catkins were out in the background. Her favourite time of year. It didn't (still doesn't ) feel disrespectful.

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