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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think of this as an investment in my health as well as cosmetic treatment?

58 replies

FlutterMyLashes · 27/08/2022 12:04

Firstly please could people not be knobs, I know it's AIBU rather than Style and Beauty but this gets more traffic and I thought S & B may skew the results given the topic Smile

I don't want this to be insensitive as I know we are all (well most) tightening our belts and cutting back on unnecessary expenditure. A couple of years ago, looking at it as a hypothetical problem not actually affecting me, I would have thought my "dilemma" was the epitome of stupid and spoilt as well as a non brainer because patriarchal beauty standards Grinbut now I'm in this position I feel differently!

I have been getting lash extensions for about a year and really want to prioritise still getting them. It costs the equivalent of about a tenner a week. We are all warm and fed, I'm not taking "essentials" money but it could be used for "disposable income pleasures" like takeaways or going out for cake and coffee, for example.

Some years ago I was diagnosed with a disease which is very disabling, I can't work anymore and am in receipt of PIP. I also developed alopecia and lost a lot of hair including eyelashes. Some has grown back a bit now including some eyelashes and twatty grey long eyebrow hairs that appear overnight at about two inches long. When I got enough lashes back I had some lash extensions (checked it was safe to do and have small light ones not huge flapping ones) and can't believe what a difference they made in cheering me up as well as having beautiful fluttery eyes Grin Sometimes I go and look in the mirror for no reason other than to admire them Blush I'm actually amazed at myself as it's very unlike me, I could have gone days without even glancing in a mirror before all this.

DH and DC are encouraging me to keep it up as the essentials are covered and DH even said think of it as a "PIP funded expense" for my mental health Smile I know though that the lash money could be diverted elsewhere and it seems a bit vain and selfish sometimes, especially when DH is knackered working full time in a physical job as well as caring for me. And my PIP already goes towards extra costs like increased heating bills and equipment. I do sell some stuff on eBay though which all goes in the pot.

So would AIBU to keep getting the lashes?

(I've seen a few threads recently where people with disabilities/PIP have had really unkind twatty responses so I would be grateful if people could refrain from being like that here. I have still kept our direct debits to charity and to local food bank. I know I'm "fortunate" that we can afford heating and eating and lashes at the moment but my circumstances overall aren't fortunate really. Anyone saying "I wish I had your problems" is welcome to swap as I would swap all this for my "old life" in an instant. I have tried to keep it lighthearted deliberately as it's actually quite a shit situation for me and my family but I try and stay positive. So please play nicely MNers).

OP posts:
Original poster
FlutterMyLashes · 27/08/2022 12:06

Superficial was the word I kept searching for, that would have made my post a lot shorter Blush In case it's not obvious, my brain is fucked too Grin

OP posts:
takingmytimeonmyride · 27/08/2022 12:07

YANBU. Carry on. It's not like you're all starving while you continue to get lashes. PIP is for you and to help you, which the lashes are obviously doing.

LaraLei · 27/08/2022 12:09

YANBU

Justhereforaibu1 · 27/08/2022 12:09

Bless you, I don't think anyone would begrudge you a little something to make you feel better. Could you get them every second time if you're worried about cost?

tellyiscrap · 27/08/2022 12:09

If you want them and you can afford them

Carry on - why wouldn't you ?

There aren't many pleasures in life and if this small thing brings you pleasure ..

Rapples · 27/08/2022 12:11

Different people get joy from different things. That's normal. As long as essentials are covered first, it's no one else's business whether you spend your disposable income on going for a coffee or on lash extensions or on hiking boots or on concert tickets. You would only be unreasonable if a) it stops essentials being covered (which you've said it doesn't) or b) if DH can't have equivalent funds for things he'd like.

Spudina · 27/08/2022 12:11

Go for it OP. I recently helped a patient of mine successfully appeal his PIP decision that was starving him. He got a pay out and bought trainers and designer glasses. But he was sooooo depressed on UC and struggling to feed himself/pay bills and is now a healthier human and a new man. It’s a small luxury. In your shoes I would value a small luxury too. (But mine would be a red lippy or new book!)

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 27/08/2022 12:13

Keep getting your lashes done. I'm disabled and cheer myself up with nice nails, hair etc it's so worth it

LateSummerLobelia · 27/08/2022 12:13

Carry on! Do not give it another thought. Why should you not have something that makes such a difference? Enjoy to the max.

GodisaBC · 27/08/2022 12:14

I have lash extensions, it’s the one thing I would struggle to give up as they make such a difference. I don’t have the long fake looking ones either.
go for it, I totally understand.

Original poster
FlutterMyLashes · 27/08/2022 12:17

Oh well there you go, it's unanimous Grin I wish DH would spend some on himself, I think that's partly what's making me feel a bit, well not guilty exactly, but doubtful. I do buy him presents like nice coffee with my ebay money.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlutterMyLashes · 27/08/2022 12:18

Spudina · 27/08/2022 12:11

Go for it OP. I recently helped a patient of mine successfully appeal his PIP decision that was starving him. He got a pay out and bought trainers and designer glasses. But he was sooooo depressed on UC and struggling to feed himself/pay bills and is now a healthier human and a new man. It’s a small luxury. In your shoes I would value a small luxury too. (But mine would be a red lippy or new book!)

Oh well at least you'll take heat off me with this post, if any twats appear on the thread Grin Good for you for helping him, the PIP process is thread worthy in itself...

OP posts:
Karmakamelion · 27/08/2022 12:22

Enjoy your fluttery lashes! Everyone deserves something that makes them happy.

I've just started using uklash and have lovely fluttery lashes too and I would find it hard to stop using it. Like you I now look in the mirror and love it!
It causes no harm and brings joy. Win win in my book!

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 12:25

Carry on. Maybe see if you can stretch time between appointments. I have a skin condition and during flare ups I use camouflage make up to prevent staring and make myself feel better. I would see this as similar.

PanicAtTheBigTesco · 27/08/2022 12:37

Definitely carry on if you can afford to, they are the one luxury thing I'm trying to prioritise as they make such a difference!

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/08/2022 12:42

Of course carry on. It’s a small luxury that makes you happy, and as with any family your happiness will knock on to the rest of the family.

Fairyliz · 27/08/2022 12:46

You want them, you can afford them and your DH is encouraging you. So what does it matter what a bunch of randoms on the internet think?

MrsRinaDecker · 27/08/2022 12:48

YANBU. I’m also disabled and also receive PIP. One of the things I use it for is a regular wash and blow dry at the hairdresser (approx fortnightly). I’d say this is 50/50 between physical health (I do struggle standing long enough in the shower to wash it properly) and mental health (because having good hair has done wonders for my self esteem, plus I get to take half an hour to myself and can chat / vent to my lovely hairdresser!) Like you it probably works out around £10 per week, and I would give up other discretionary expenses I could before giving up my hair appointments.

AldiLidlDeeDee · 27/08/2022 12:51

Definitely carry on if they're giving you confidence. What you spend your money on is no-one else's business.

The only caution I will advise is be wary of allergies caused by the glue as the glues can change their ingredients at any time so you might be ok for now, but it can change.

I became allergic to methacrylates via gel nails and now can't use anything containing these substances on my skin. Even my new plastic watch cover causes a rash. When my allergy was really bad, it was causing me serious breathing difficulties, so I'm not just talking about a mild skin rash. I was referred by my GP to a Consultant who told me that her caseload has increased massively since women started applying various things to their skin and nails.

In addition, these glues are used in medical treatments such as bone cement and dental implants so I can't have them either.

CookPassBabtridge · 27/08/2022 12:55

Little things like this can do wonders for your self esteem and mental health so like others have said, as long as bills are paid and everyone is fed.
I wear makeup, magnetic lashes and have my nails done and it makes me happy. It's not for anyone else.
Feeling good is worth its weight in gold.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/08/2022 13:12

"I know though that the lash money could be diverted elsewhere"
Well, anything you spend on yourself could be diverted elsewhere couldn't it? There are unlimited 'elsewheres' if you put your mind to it!

It is a small luxury that helps you to feel good about yourself. It really does sound worth it, and not in the least bit 'superficial.'

Elphame · 27/08/2022 13:16

If it's affordable and means so much to you then keep going. It's no one's business other than yours and your family.

It will also help your lash technician continue to earn a living.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 27/08/2022 13:17

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Brogues · 27/08/2022 13:17

YANBU it will be beneficial to your mental health.

Merryoldgoat · 27/08/2022 13:19

Definitely NBU.

Feeling good is important.

I’m very fat and have found sticking to healthier eating easier since getting some nice clothes, doing my hair and makeup and treating myself better.

Crack on OP.