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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Personal space

31 replies

holeyhottub · 27/08/2022 11:27

AIBU to expect people to respect my personal space?

Just back from a UK holiday where we visited a few popular places that required queuing at various times. On multiple occasions the people behind insisted on being literally right behind/next to me, as in if I took a step back I would have stood on them. When I took a small step forward, conscious of the people in front of me, they followed.

I've always hated people in my personal space so it's not a covid thing for me, although that's obviously now another consideration. I did think that covid may make people think twice about standing so close to other people, but it appears not!

Why do people do it? If you're like me what do you do in these situations? I imagine if I were to say anything they'd think I was crazy!

OP posts:
Leafy3 · 27/08/2022 11:32

Yanbu

Ppl were much more respectful with social distancing

Original poster
holeyhottub · 27/08/2022 12:08

Yes @Leafy3, I much preferred it!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/08/2022 12:09

"Space invaders" bloody horrible it's not like you get served any quicker by breathing down your neck!!

CourtneeLuv · 27/08/2022 12:16

When people do this to me now I tell them to move back and sometimes do that arm thing primary kids do, where you put your arms out and swing around to create a space around you. I can't stand people doing this. I had it at Stanstead and did the arm thing to create space otherwise I'd have probably ended up arrested. The cunt behind me had a cough too 🤬

chillipenguin · 27/08/2022 12:18

Be blunt and ask them to move back. Or start coughing.

SunshineLoving · 27/08/2022 12:18

I know exactly what you mean. Whenever I have to queue for an attraction, people seem to stand right behind me almost standing on me. Queueing for a long time with someone sniffing your back is not fun.

RoseMartha · 27/08/2022 12:18

I hate this too.

Gonewiththewindbeforelong · 27/08/2022 12:19

Totally get you here. I was in the queue for the post office the other day and the lady behind me was far too close. I stepped forward and she bloody stepped forward to. I thought I was mistaken so stepped forward again, and you guessed it…

I badly wanted to vocalise this but knew if I did I would be the one to look U!

BashfulClam · 27/08/2022 12:23

I had a woman so close once I could feel her breathing on my hair. I said to her ‘I’m sorry my trousers can only fit one of us at a time, you can’t get in them with me!’ She looked confused and I said ‘move back!’

Original poster
holeyhottub · 27/08/2022 12:23

But would you @Gonewiththewindbeforelong? Is it not ok to ask this? Do we just have to put up with it?

OP posts:
Gonewiththewindbeforelong · 27/08/2022 12:26

I just felt like I would antagonise the situation by saying, please give me space and be made to be U to the wider queue. Of course I wanted to, but didn’t feel it worth it for a few more minutes. I wish I had the courage though.. so many times in my life I’ve spoken up on things like this and I’m portrayed as the bad guy, hence my silence! I’m on your side though.

RandomMess · 27/08/2022 12:26

I think I would be happy to ask "please give me some space"

BashfulClam · 27/08/2022 12:26

Leafy3 · 27/08/2022 11:32

Yanbu

Ppl were much more respectful with social distancing

Nah I had a woman in Greggs right up my arse. I pointed out the markers on the floor. I really hated people not standing on the markers. Either you were then too close if you stood on one of too far so people weren’t sure if you were in the queue or not.

Tonysopranosghost · 27/08/2022 13:06

Just step back and stand on their feet. Usually works

Mosaic123 · 27/08/2022 13:10

I just might somehow swing my handbag behind me (not to hurt them) or put on and take off a jacket with overly flailing arms, to hope to make them realise they were too close and needed to move back a bit.

Probably wouldn't work well though.

ShedHead7 · 27/08/2022 13:13

My other half does this, doesn't even realise he's doing it and it winds me off the clock. I'm forever telling him to stop getting up peoples arses. Once I've said something he backs off, but another day/queue and he's back to penguin mode.

KangarooKenny · 27/08/2022 13:15

I had this in Tesco yesterday, an old man trying to get me to move up at the till, but I stood my ground. A good hard swing of the hand bag on your shoulder often sorts them out 😉

JasperJohnsPaintbrush · 27/08/2022 14:09

Yes, yes to the coughers, the heavy breathers, sneezers and shuffle - forward-ers. You'd think that covid had never happened.

I also got sick of people pushing me forward with their trolly when in the supermarket queue, and would often give it a shove back.

So now I stand in front of my trolly, and give space to the person in front of me, and having the trolley behind me keeps the person behind me a good distance away.

Coughs and sneezes spread diseases people!!

Herejustforthisone · 27/08/2022 14:10

I have uttered ‘I’d stand back if I were you’ to a bloke who was hovering over me in a queue.

I thought it was just the right mix of threatening and mysterious.

notlyndasnell · 27/08/2022 14:46

I also stand in front of my shopping trolley in supermarket queues if people get too close.
Recently I had a woman behind me as we were waiting to board a train. She stood really close to me with her wheely trolley first beside me and then actually in front of me! I turned round and offered to let her go in front of me 😁 She did but moaned "what's the matter?" Surely that was obvious?

Seenandheard · 27/08/2022 15:04

I think people are generally unable to NOT move forward on a queue. I've always thought this when in long queues that snake around (eg airport security). Whenever we are nowhere near the front, if there is a gap in front of me and I don't move into it fast enough (gathering my kids together, letting them go at their own pace at that point in the queue - never at the front, mind. At the front I pick them up if I have to) - anyway, more often that not the people behind me are edging forward, sort of urging us to move.
One I was in a queue that was moving nowhere (plane that wasn't boarding). There was plenty of space for everyone behind me in the queue, but I sensed a queue obsessor immediately behind me and started to deliberately take my time moving into the space in front. Oh my, they were practically hoping around behind me.

So if your aibu is focused on queue based situations, I'd say it's the British way

Seenandheard · 27/08/2022 15:06

Oh to add to this, not so long ago an old lady was actually nudging into me with her trolley in supermarket queue, even though I had loaded my stuff on AND the person in front was in the process of paying so I had nowhere to go!
Good I'm really annoyed now thinking of these times 😂

devuskums · 27/08/2022 15:09

I just step back a little to bang into them and say loudly blimey I didn't realise how close you were standing to me! Usually they look embarrassed and keep their distance after that.

GoodVibesHere · 27/08/2022 15:09

Herejustforthisone · 27/08/2022 14:10

I have uttered ‘I’d stand back if I were you’ to a bloke who was hovering over me in a queue.

I thought it was just the right mix of threatening and mysterious.

That sooo makes it sound like you farted!

I can't stand it when people are too close to me but I'm never brave enough to speak up, I just fume angrily inside.

LetsGoCrazyPurpleBanana · 27/08/2022 15:13

Yep hate this too. Someone got my backpack in their face because they were too close when I was putting it on. Serves them right. I didn't apologise.

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