If you are a flakey person…?

[Infinsplititive]

What makes you behave that way? Poor organisation? Got a better offer? Don’t like the person and didn’t know how to say when first asked?
Im talking repeat offenders here, non-committers, last-minute cancellers, etc.

Do flakey-flakersons even know that's what they are?!

I've eliminated a few from my life recently and the peace that ensued is wonderful! I used to put up with all manner of shit, now it's two strikes.

I don't think they do

As I believe flakiness is down to being a massive prick

Good point! Ignorance must be bliss…

you’re tougher than me - three strikes and you’re done (but less if it’s a really big deal).

I’m a flake, I just hate being tied to commitments. A lot of people love to have a full diary and make lots of plans, that just stresses me out. Obviously I do commit to important events and stuff I know I’d enjoy, but I remain aloof on social catch ups until the final hour then make up my mind, sometimes it means i lose out but its much worse to let people down last minute with some lame excuse. I learnt that over the years.

I can be a bit of a flake. It's not intentional, I'm just not someone who books their diary to a year beforehand. I find the lack of spontaneity & freedom in that suffocating. I didn't book my summer holiday till July & have booked all the days out the night before. I'm going away with some other families for the weekend & we only booked it last week. I find it's only really an issue when someone has a strict routine & wants commitment 6 months in advance.

I have one friend in a group who does this and it drives me mad. Just say no if you don’t want to meet up. But the flakiness stops us organising anything and now we rarely see each other because it would be rude to exclude flaky friend. If she just said no I don’t fancy it, we could arrange a date that works for the rest of us and she’s entitled to change her mind and join us at the last minute anyway.

Lots of children and anxiety. I don’t make any arrangements anymore as I keep having to cancel at the last minute which stresses me out and feeds the anxiety spiral

Could be down to High needs children, depression, anxiety, other health issues, personal issues the list goes on.

I can be flakey occasionally (not all the time) due to a toddler going through terrible twos and although I'm fine 99% of the time I get days where I feel so anxious I struggle to leave the house. Luckily my friends are really understanding and not assholes about it though.

I like the term flaky flakersons 😂. To be honest I think not committing is fine but I think letting someone down repeatedly at the last minute is not ok. I had a friend who did this. I was understanding the first few times & would then leave it assuming that she had too much on. But she would always push to arrange another date- and then cancel again! I don’t get it.

I used to be a flake and it was because I would agree to things and then forget about them.
Now I use google calender and I usually meet my commitments.

I can be flakey because I lose my confidence the closer an event gets, and think that I was probably only invited out of politeness and not because they really wanted me there.

I’m flakey, I agree to stuff weeks down the line but by time it comes around I realise I don’t actually want to do it.

I’m flakey. I am almost certain I have undiagnosed inattentive ADHD (my son does and he is my spit). One of the problems I have an issue with is being distracted/ procrastination. This means that instead of getting ready for a day out in time- planning to leave work/travel I can feel this strong urge to start a project- lying to myself that I have time to
do both right up until the last minute. 10% of the time I will manage this, thus giving enough credibility to the future lie to continue it!
e.g right now- I should be holiday packing for tomorrow. I am fighting a huge urge to swap my plate and
tin kitchen cupboard over.. I’m procrastinating on mumsnet! I also have a visitor at 12 and need a shower first. I’m still procrastinating on mumsnet. I am self aware- I am unable to ‘parent’ this part of myself enough to change it.

My ADHD means I have problems organising myself due to poor executive function.
I have strategies to try and navigate the world, but they are not flaw proof as only work in familiar situations.
Nice to know people are judging me for something I can't help though.
I also get a lot more of a hard time of it than my nt husband, whose disorganisation is apparently acceptable on account of him having a penis.

One of my friends is particularly flakey. I have more children than her and I’m heavily pregnant. She’ll make plans in front or to the children and then they get all excited. Then Radio silence. Meanwhile I have to follow through on her plans that she made with my children!

It’s an absolute pain in the behind.

Same. One of the few benefits of lockdown was reevaluating friendships.

The flakes and the constantly late (and not because of any needs, they openly admit that it’s because it’s a “character trait”) - not got time for that now so make less plans with them and have gradually phased them out

I'm flakey. I have lots of fatigue (damaged thyroid and anaemia) and sometimes get stressed and overwhelmed by things that others find very manageable.

Social plans booked months ahead of time can feel very oppressive to me as I feel I need more flexibility and to see how I am on the day.

I do love and value my friends but the ones still in my life are the ones who are understanding enough to handle this and understand where I'm coming from. If that's not you then it's probably best for your struggling friend if you do back off for a bit :)

It’s exhaustion for me, a plan I’m looking forward to can feel too much when the time comes . Chronic illness and SEN kids. A lot of my friends only know the barest outlines of both those issues so wouldn’t appreciate how tired I really am.

I can be a bit of a flake. It's not intentional, I'm just not someone who books their diary to a year beforehand.

There is a reasonable middle ground, you know. 🙄

Same. Then I panic because the thought of going brings me out in a sweat/hives so I end up cancelling. I'm better at saying no from the outset now but I still panic once the event gets close. Apparently it's an ADHD thing (recently diagnosed). I've always been like it but on medication now which helps a bit, and putting effort into being mindful about my capacity/energy etc.

I know it's irritating so on behalf of other flakers, I'm sorry - I'm working on it (I'm not generally a prick though!).

I am only flakey when it comes to jobs as I have no loyalties there and don’t particularly give two shits about institutions and companies that would replace you in a heart beat.

God me too. It's like a compulsion!!! My brain screams 'get ready' but I'll feel compelled to do anything but!! It sounds like such an excuse but it's genuine!

I'm not a flake. If I make an arrangement I will be on time, probably a little early.

But timekeeping is my OCD and a major source of anxiety. I find it such a chore that I sometimes just don't make plans in the first place. No plans = No flake.

Some friends with children were planning to meet up casually at the park. I said I couldn't make it due to work, then on the day said I'd managed to clear my schedule and could attend if they were still going. I can ALWAYS clear time ( self employed & work by myself with no face to face customers ) but it's a handy excuse.

But this way is better, yes?

I’m flaky. As an event draws close I start panicking about it. Feeling totally unpopular and weird and it’s so much safer to hideaway at home.

I'm a bit strange about going out these days or having to speak to anyone.
With me it's age, but I do try not to be too flaky with my friends and family. People who matter