A money one. Advice needed.

[Montasaurus]

A few months ago I came into a significant sum of money. Enough to change mine and my DH’s life and help others too.

No one other than my DH knows about this and he has no immediate family. I have decided I am going to gift my siblings an amount each but my dilemma is this…

My parents. Backstory is they are extremely grabby/some may say greedy. Neither have any friends/family relationships outside of our immediate sibling family due to this. They are well off - multiple homes etc but are very odd with money - say things like ‘oh everything should be fair’ but act the complete opposite. An example of this is my mum’s dad died ten years ago, all of us grandkids were left a sum of money each and I have never received mine - told I would waste it (I am 44 with a career, mortgage etc that I have done by myself).

My question is… what do I do? If I don’t gift them anything, all hell will break loose. A part of me wants to ask them for the inheritance/other things nicely one last time to see if anything changes/test them and then decide. As I say, no one in my family knows about this money I have come into and my parents would only need the money to say buy another holiday or property.

AIBU?

YANBU - gift them nothing.
YABU - they are still your parents. Help them.

@hedgehogFC its actually a little comical too as despite the fact she doesn’t work, she’s never helped out with any of my beautiful nieces/nephews. It’s a bad joke!

@NippyWoowoo i think this is the best plan. Love it!

Given the state of the relationship with your parents, I also don't know why you don't just pursue your DF for failure to comply with his legal duties as executor.

I wouldn't do this, because then you are effectively giving your DPs money (either your inheritance or from your windfall, debate which) neither of which you would choose to give them.

@Blossomtoes that was exactly the point of my post. That whilst the OP says the money is a large amount and enough to change her and her DP’s life AND help others too, I doubt that is the case.

My post was to prompt her to think of all the things she should do to secure her own future, before she in anyway considers helping others.

To often people fail to do this, and in 5 years time
end up having wasted all the money. By all
means, enjoy some money, but before you
give it away, secure your financial future first. Otherwise you don’t have enough to give away.

Seriously, don't tell anyone about it. Once your siblings know, your parents will know. Definitely don't give money to your parents - it doesn't work that way round. I would never expect a penny from my children.

Did you win the lottery, by the way? Do tell.

@Threadkill something like that. I am trying to be sensible and not think about it. I haven’t spent a penny yet, trying to give myself time.

I always famtasise that if I won the lottery I wouldn’t tell anyone. I’d just lead a normal life in the complete knowledge that I had a security blanket for life. Or you could pretend that you invested money and got extremely lucky if you want an excuse for new house/car etc.

So do I, but then I live in London where even buying myself the simplest flat would set alarm bells ringing because everything is so bloody expensive

OP unless it's multiple millions, keep it.

A million quid will buy you a nice house and security for life. There's no real room for giving large chunks away.

It would need to be Euromillions before I'd consider it.

Tell no one op.
Nieces and nephews only.
No need for any explanation..

@Montasaurus

Can you be my auntie?

Seriously though, that's the best way to do it. Leaving it to your nieces / nephews. They're very lucky.

Can you ask for the money & buy another house? They can't really complain, if they do, ask when they will sign it over then. I'd actually tell them you'll be instructing a solicitor if they don't free the money.

Then do with yours as you wish

Yes, see if they will finally give you your share of inheritance (if they haven't already spent it). Then if they do, reward them by giving them some of your money, if they don't then too bad for them!!

Was the inheritance set out in the will or a letter of wishes? One is legally binding the other is not. You should be able to get a copy of the will and probate www.gov.uk/search-will-probate to check.

It's such a shame to fall out about money. But you are 44. They have kept their child's inheritance for themselves. That's not grabby. That's crooked. And actually, if they were the executors, there are criminal sanctions for depriving beneficiaries. You can potentially go to prison.

I'd be buggered if I gave them a penny until they gave me my inheritance.

I wouldn't give my family anything in the scenario you describe. If you have come into a LOT of money (i.e. it wouldnt hurt you to give any away) then quietly put some aside for your nieces/nephews. And you can help them out when the time is right.
But your parents sound terrible and they aren't entitled to any money, same with your siblings. They wouldn't do the same if the roles were reversed, you know that for a fact given the inheritance issue. And in some ways your siblings are also to blame. They should call out the unfairness. I know I would if I got inheritance money and my siblings didn't.