Children in restaurants part 2

[Arbesque]

The other thread is about to reach 1,000. Not sure how to link this thread to that one?

I was shocked by some of the responses you got yesterday! I'm not really surprised, though. Some moms are so entitled, it's gobsmacking. "Oh, so mothers with toddlers aren't allowed to enjoy a nice evening out?!" Not when your kids are ruining everyone else's day and you don't even care, then no. You forfeit that privilege the moment your kid starts throwing a tantrum and you refuse to take them outside so that everyone else can eat in peace.

I had a similar experience at a VERY high end restaurant my parents and I eat at for very, very special occasions only. Like, once in a lifetime event kind of special. Last time we went, there was a family behind us that were ATROCIOUS. Their 4 year old girl kept running up and down the tables screaming, and their toddler asked for the boob, then screamed for the boob, then crawled all over the tables while mom left her boob out for a solid half hour. Needless to say, the night was ruined, and it was especially sad because it tainted our memories of what should have been a milestone celebration.

I can't understand why some parents have zero mindfulness of others, and go beyond that by getting angry over people being upset by their kid's disruptive behavior (that they make no effort to address, natch). It seems to be so common these days. A whopping 1/3 of people on your last post think you're unreasonable for not wanting people to let their toddlers scream uninterrupted in an upscale place like that. Where are their manners?

I think its dependent on where you eating .

Kids make noise but there's an acceptable amount noise in restaurants

Wetherspoons
Hungry horse (shudder)
Beefeater
Harvester
Any where kids eat free. I (actively avoid these ,I'm not subsidising other peoples kids)

Either way kids shouldnt be running around.

unless your kids can sit at a table and behave, dont inflict them on others trying to have a good night out

Tbh if I walk into a nice restaurant and there's a family with kids near my table I often just leave. Pubs and more casual places I'm not too bothered by it but I've had so many evenings out ruined by bratty children who don't know how to behave and gormless parents who won't control their kids. It just makes my stomach drop when I see a family in a nice restaurant. I've even had it when I was out with DH and a little girl kept coming up to our table and trying to interact with us the entire night while the parents gave zero fucks that their kid was disturbing us. Some places are suitable for families, some are just not!

The entitlement of some parents is astounding

I think the title should be renamed to Badly behaved children in restaurants.

I have no issue with children in restaurants if they behave appropriately.

Our local pub does fish and chips on a Thursday and Friday so a lot of families eat there, and I have never seen any bad behaviour when I have eaten there.

I have 3DC and they have always been well behaved in restaurants. We have always brought them out with us from babies so they have grown up knowing how to behave in public.

My DH cousin and his family came out for dinner with us once and I was appalled and embarrassed how their two children behaved. Said couple rarely brought their kids out and it showed. The mother basically turned her back on her DD who climbed on the table, threw food on the ground,coloured on the table and eventually spilled her drink, their son spat his food out. Nothing stopped Mum enjoying her food. I couldn't eat my own food and apologised to the staff when we left after I cleaned up as much mess as I could. I was disgusted.

A whopping 1/3 of people on your last post think you're unreasonable for not wanting people to let their toddlers scream uninterrupted in an upscale place like that. Where are their manners?

I think that the 33% was because some of the behaviour the OP complained about was perfectly reasonable (playing peekaboo). Some it’s hard to tell (the bashing cutlery may have been a nuisance but equally likely it was barely noticeable in a busy restaurant). The baby crawled in my space would have annoyed me but I don’t think it was a safety issue as some claimed and it should have been easily resolved by returning him to his own table. The OP had already asked to move at this point so it may just be that she has a low tolerance for children’s normal behaviour.

The wailing and crying at the end of the meal, in my mind isn’t acceptable and if the children can’t be calmed the family should leave at that point. I’ll assume from the OP that they weren’t making any attempt to go but it’s equally possible that they asked for the bill but waiting staff weren’t that efficient in getting them out. I’ve certainly had that before and it’s unpleasant for us too as we try and keep grumpy children calm. Sometimes I’ve had to leave with the children while DH settles up but that’s not always practical if there isn’t anywhere suitable to wait outside.

The peekaboo wasn’t in itself a problem but it was clearly whipping the baby in a screaming frenzy so in that sense it became inappropriate.

Yeah, the problem with peekaboo is that it can promote that single high pitched scream of excitement that could shatter glass. Nothing wrong with games that make babies laugh, but that one is designed to produce the scream IME.

where are these restaurants where people leave a boob hanging out, children are running amok & screeching?!

I've spent a lot of time eating out at family restaurants which are often packed with families eg pizza express lunchtime & haven't seen anything particularly wild.

Re the peekaboo, I struggle to believe that the screaming could have gone on for any significant length of time. The screams usually subside to giggles fairly quickly and babies tend not to have such long attention spans that the same game could keep them amused for more than a few minutes.

I agree that this poster seems to be spectacularly unlucky.

The baby was getting shriller and Shriller eventually emitting a high pitched scream every few seconds. People from other tables were looking around and I saw someone putting their hands over their ears.

The child crawling across the windowsill to our table was not a baby, he was about 4 and was right behind me breathing down my neck.

It was another poster posting about the breas feeding mother leaving her book hanging out.

I dont really have a problem with kids at restaurants. My issue is when they start running around and screeching and the parents do nothing. It’s become so frequent over the last few years. I’m no way would I allow my children to behave the way I’ve seen others behave. We would leave if they failed to settle. It’s just disrespectful. I’ve found lately though that people seem to think children should do what they want and behave how they want and the excuses come thick and fast. No responsibility and no
consequences

@itsjustnotok I agree. COVID is now frequently used. One of my colleagues tends to say that having denied her kids so much during lockdown she’ll never deprive them again, which seems to mean allowing them to do whatever they like.

And I’m sure it was very annoying. I was simply stating that I didn’t think 33% voted YABU because they have no manners but because some / most of the behaviour as described in your OP was either a non event, mildly irritating or easily resolved.

I know that. It’s just in all my years I have never seen the breastfeeding behaviour she describes in public. I’ve seen new mothers clearly trying to get to grips with breastfeeding displaying a lot flesh (I’m sympathetic). I’ve seen the odd flash of breast as a child latched on or off. And I’ve seen toddlers breastfeeding discreetly. The only place I’ve seen the behaviour the poster described is at a la leche league meeting, I think they were spectacularly unlucky.

I think the 34% of voters didn't read the OP's further updates.

Well, I went out for dinner once and was sat on one of those couch type things that runs the length of the wall, and had a child crawl along the top of it, push past me and kick me in the head whilst doing so. So it definitely happens.

My db and sil just sit and ignore my niece and nephew when they behave badly in restaurants. They winge constantly, argue with each other and interrupt everyone else's conversations while my db and sil just sit and eat their food like nothing is going on. Its got to the point that I refuse invites to go out for food with them the majority of the time.

I had a child sitting behind me on the bus wipe her hands on my hair and the hood of my coat once. I turned around in surprise and mum just shrugged and said, “she’s only just 4”.

I think people who’ve never seen it don’t realise how prevalent this is, and seem to think it’s made up for some reason.

I don’t think bad behaviour in public doesn’t exist and can believe most of the examples given. I personally think the second poster on this thread is exaggerating as I don’t believe that a woman would expose her breasts for a solid half an hour or that a toddler would be allowed to crawl over tables (I’m imagining spilt drinks and smashed crockery if it did happen and waiting staff would surely stop that) in a fine dining restaurant.

How could it be easily resolved? We asked the parents twice to being the child back to their table to no avail. What were we supposed to do about that and the other issues,? Genuine question.

We were in a restaurant once and a child, aged about 4 or 5, came right up to our table, rested their head on it and stared at our food. They then tried to take some pasta off my daughter’s plate.
I glanced around and saw the child’s mother, sitting with her chair the wrong way round, watching her child. I loudly asked the child to go back to her Mum, to which the Mum shouted back “Oh, she’s fine where she is”.
I got up, took the child by the hand, led her back to her Mum and hissed “She belongs to you, not us. I’m not your child minder”.
CF looked at me like I had three heads.