Bad people who go on to have good lives

[Mooshamoo]

I was violently sexually assaulted at a house party when I was in my early twenties. He really enjoyed hurting me. He was a cruel man. I lived in a small town, and he was a man that came from a much richer and more affluential family than me.

He was better connected in the town than I was. For example, his father was an important man in the town, with many good connections, whereas I grew up in a single parent family, with no father. Which is probably why he chose me to do it to.
I knew that if I charged him, he would have a lot of people protecting him.

He was a bad man, I heard through the grapevine that he sexually assaulted other women too. That he physically assaulted women too. That he enjoyed physically hurting women.

I did strongly consider charging him at the time, but my family talked me out of it, (with good intentions) as they didn't think that I would be successful in charging him, and they thought that if I charged him and failed - my name would be ruined in the small town.

I never charged him, but rumours of what happened did get around, and his friends did make my life unbearable in that small town, for example one of his friends worked in a pub and if i went in, he would just refuse to serve me, so i couldnt go into that pub, so i ended up having to move away from that town anyway.

Which is terribly sad isnt it, - but the girl often gets blamed.
I went to therapy after it happened for two years.

This was a long time ago now, maybe ten years ago. And Ive gotten over it mostly.

I briefly looked up the man who did it, recently. He has an amazing life, he is a CEO of a multinational company, he is very rich, he has a beautiful wife. Its annoying, but often really bad people go on to have great lives dont they. I think - why do bad people get to go on and have great lives, its so unfair. But I guess anyone can go on and have a good life really. I dont want advice, Im more just thinking out loud, musing! Bad people go on to have great lives. Maybe alot of us have looked up someone who hurt us in the past, and been annoyed at how good their life is?

I am so sorry this happened to you OP, and I hope you are building a good life for yourself.

I think it’s more that people born into privilege often have good lives. privilege helped him get away with what he did to you and then built him a great career. Money sticks.

Not that unprivileged people can’t be wankers, but if you’d been assaulted by a smack head, he’d probably be dead or a deadbeat.

It’s not karma that worked in his favour but our society.

Anyway, I really hope you can move on.

Yeah karmas not real sadly.

Wow. Way to victim blame.

Yeah disgusting comment. There are very good reasons why victims don't report.

That's not what victim blaming means.

@AnnaFri is just pointing out that the OP (and probably the other women he assaulted) didn't report him.

She didn't say the OP should have.

Yeah, it sucks. Some bad people get their comeuppance, but many (most?) do not. Equally, many good people don't flourish. It doesn't feel right, but that's the way it is. Sigh.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I know what you mean, and although the circumstances of my situation were different the feelings sound the same. I think I became quite consumed with anger at the unfairness for quite a long time, and looking back I wonder if that anger did as much damage as the person who caused it did.

I've did some reading since then, and counselling, and contemplating and after I got over my voodoo doll phase (exaggerating but I did feel like it). I realised all I had in life to keep myself constant company was myself. I don't believe in religion, and I don't believe in karma, but I do believe in liking yourself, truly liking who you are.

You hear of so many people who are externally successful struggling and at the root it is because their is something about themselves they are not comfortable with. I am not saying that they are bad, what I am saying is I am an extremely fortunate person, because of how I feel about myself. And that is enough for me now. There is nothing there wheen I think of it, no emotion, no nothing. All my emotion is on my family, my friends and myself.

Anyway I do not believe that man likes himself, and he can never take a break from it. What I believe might sound like rubbish to some, but it gets me through the day and keeps me healthier.

Again, I am so sorry it happened to you. It shouldn't have, it wasn't what was supposed to happen and it changed the path of your life. It will always define you in some way, I believe it will define you in more positive ways than you can imagine. It takes work to get there, you have already achieved so much, you are the successful one, and you are the one who will reap the rewards of being who you are. Just like he will.

I would take being you over being him, any time and any day.

Life isn't remotely fair, and karma doesn't exist.

Patriarchy does, though.

@AnnaFri I realised I left one point out in my OP.

I did very seriously consider charging him, but I didnt because I was afraid that I didnt have any evidence. This is why my family advised me against charging him too.

My mum said that if i didnt have any physical evidence, it would be very unlikely to get a conviction. And I think she was right.

After it happened, I had taken a shower when I got home, (in my stressed state), so there was no physical evidence left.

So it would have been my word against his totally.

You don't decide to charge someone

Are you in the UK?

we wish that there was some sort of karmic justice in the world.

Many of us have people on our lives who have harmed us or people we lived. Often that very real harm was not something that could be charged criminally. Even if they can be, we all know that sometimes the chance of justice through those systems is scant.

so you try to let the anger go and the piece that remains you lock away. Sometimes it creeps out and tries to darken your soul again. Just remember that you have to beat it back. Society won’t bring justice and fate won’t bring justice. All you can do is live your best life and know that by doing that, you can win.

Semantics. Stop derailing the thread

Apart from all of the things that you mentioned in your OP being grossly unfair, eg the inequalities due to his pre existing status in town, the sad fact that perpetrators get away with things and victims get blamed, communities and police not really knowing how to deal with sexual assault, and society's general sexism and disregard for women, I think there's something else in here.

Cruel people are often cunning, ambitious, and callous. A capitalist society rewards men like this. Especially ones who were also born into privilege. It also gives them a sense not only of entitlement, but also that people generally end up where they belong; some do well because they're strong, others are treated poorly because they are weak. This then dehumanises the weak and means they can be treated badly.

TL/DR: it's the capitalist patriarchy. As always.

And it's shitty to see your abuser do well while you're still carrying the pain. It's not your fault, but do what you can to move past it.

I feel a bit sad you dont think this is true, as I lived through it. And believe me i would have liked not to lived through it. Oh well, only I can know for sure that it happened. And it did.

Bad people have qualities that lend itself to success, I think. Confidence, no conscience, happy to step on other people, cunning perhaps.

All the people who have hurt me in my life have gone on to have great lives. It sucks and there's definitely no such thing as karma.

I hear you OP. I am so sorry for what you went through.
There are 3 people in my life who have really screwed me over. All are happily married, rich, in great careers, good health, nice homes, great social life etc. I too have struggled to come to terms with it but unfortunately, life is unfair. It's depressing but true that people like this seem to always come out on top.

Yup

How lucky you both are to have this ignorance.

You know full well that she means "press charges".

So first it's her fault, then it didn't happen because of the "way it's written". But you're totally sure that if it did he totally wouldn't be a CEO, because people don't victim blame or disbelieve women for stupid reasons, do they?

It's more likely that OP is sincere than you have any chance of having a female name in real life.