Worried about having a child as I'm too sensitive to many things

[Franksidebottom12]

I'd like a child perhaps, but I like a very quiet, calm and tidy life and I'm worried I'd have too little patience. I'm ok with bodily functions as I've worked in elderly care (I'm not saying I enjoy it, just grin and bear it)
However having worked a lot around children and teens there are many things which just put me off completely.
The list is endless: nose picking, talking with their mouth full of food, eating with their mouth open, not brushing teeth hence bad breath, poor hygiene, dirty, filthy smelling bedrooms (i had a teenage brother!!)
Farting, putting empty packets back in the cupboard, leaving the cupboard open, whining constantly, very loud voice, screeching for no reason, being very clumsy and banging into you constantly, spilling drinks etc. Constantly, eating everything in the house, rudeness, passive aggressiveness, screaming for no reason.

These are just things I've observed mainly from working with children and teens. I'm not saying I was a perfect child, definitely not. But the above things just make me feel ill, and I feel like I have very little tolerance.
I can't expect a child to be perfectly behaved in every way but not sure I could deal with the above things on a regular basis. I know some of it would be down to my parenting and if they behave, but sometimes kids are just kids. Maybe I'm just very impatient and expect too much?

“I wouldn't have a child in your shoes

The poor thing would grow up miserable”

^This. It would be selfish of you to have a child in these circumstances

You like a calm quiet and tidy life- don't have kids-just don't

You opened with "I'd like a child, perhaps", and this alone is a tell tale sign you're not really that fussed about having one. Add that on to the fact that the majority of things that the majority of children do makes you feel physically ill, and it's probably best for you and any possible child thay you don't go ahead and have one.

Wow, did you enjoy any part of working with children/teens?
I think yes, some of it might be different/easier if it's your child.. But I've worked with children for years and whilst I see all your points, 99% of the time I only loveliness, fun and joy and have had such great times with so many children..
I'm a parent now and again, I don't see that stuff or maybe I look beyond it because I'm just so happy to be a parent..
Do you have OCD? Do you feel this is anything that therapy might help with?
If it's anxiety related that might be what you need and you can make your decision from there.
If you don't and just think children/teens are a pain and you wouldn't be able to see past the 'crap' then it might not be the messy idea no.
Kids are kids, they'll have runny noses (sometimes non stop all day), they'll put their hands in anything and then into their mouths and whilst you can police some of it, at some point you have to let them be kids aswell, otherwise you're setting them up to have issues around hygiene and cleanliness.. They need to be able to have freedom..

I just think that you don’t know what child you may have. To many people my childhood would be okay but I wished for a peaceful quieter one - you don’t know what child you may get. You also do not know how you may respond. Being able to adapt is the main part. The world seems entirely set up for I guess regular kids. The fact OP has even thought about this is a good sign.

I've found that things that I find repulsive in other people and children don't bother me at all when it's my own child

I would say the same - it is really different when it's your own child. You put up with things you'd never put up with from anyone else.

And as a pp said, if you do decide to try for a child, choose the dad very wisely!

You sound a lot like my DM. It's exhausting to grow up with. Even today she was talking about how much changing my nappy when I was a baby repulsed her and I'm nearly 40.

Children aren’t for you. That’s okay. Pregnancy probably wouldn’t be for you either and that’s the usual means to the end. It’s a joy of burping, farting, nose bleeds, body hair, sweat and however you get it out there’s blood and mess.

None of what the OP wrote isn't ok. It doesn't make her a bad person.

If more people were honest about themselves, then more would decide against having children.

most Of the things in your post surely mean you can’t cope with living with a partner, or housemate, never mind a child?!

It's ok op, you don't have to have children!
Don't have one?

As an aside I don't think I've ever heard mine burp or fart?
Occasionally come down without having brushed their teeth.

Never witnessed nose picking.

I wish I considered it like you did. First kid is a joy, but second has been an utter, utter nightmare. As much as I love him it was a mistake to have a second child. You need time as well as money for kids and having such little time is what I struggle with the most. It feels like my life has been robbed from me.

If you feel like that now, I wouldn't have one. Enjoy your peace, freedom and clean home. That gets wiped out with kids.

If you for even a moment question whether you will have enough patience to become a parent, don't do it.
It is awful to be on the receiving end of someone's impatience and disapproval.
Your child could have a disability or additional needs, requiring a great deal of patience. Then what?
The impact of impatience on relationships is generally underestimated. Growing up with an impatient parent, or living with an impatient partner, or watching a partner act impatiently toward one's child is such a crushing thing. Don't impose this personal flaw on an innocent child.

This is the kindest version of what I think

Given what you've written..Don't have a kid.

It's everything you've written but so, so much worse.

As Dygger points out, so many of the things you list are part of healthy and essential childhood development and shouldn't be discouraged.
Read up on early child development and early years education, and you will see that these behaviours and expressions are the foundations for and building blocks of learning.

I don't like those things but I have 3 kids and am not constantly yelling at them - they do seem a bit more bearable from your own kids than someone else's.

But yes, worth being aware that kids do all those things a lot! Be realistic with expectations. Have you ever had a pet? It's not the same obviously but it's at least something in terms of experience of being responsible for a small messy non-verbal creature.

Personally I can't think of much worse in life than having children

I'm the same as you OP. I need peace, quiet, time alone and lots of personal space. I'm also autistic and very sensitive to noise, smells and textures - I know 100% that being a parent isn't for me!

I also think that too many people go into parenthood without considering the reality of it. If more people sat and thought about what it is to be a parent, there'd be less of them for sure.

Plus it's all very well people saying "that's just bad behaviour - raise them properly and you won't deal with it".

But that fails to take into account that you have to teach children how to behave and they don't just grow up knowing good behaviour. It also ignores the fact that many children are born neuro-diverse or with various disabilities that mean noise and mess are inevitable. For life.

OP if you're asking the question you obviously have thoughts that you may want children.
Your list is pretty long and as lots have said, there are many things there that just come with having kids - sorry. But to offer a different perspective, I have 2 kids, very normal ones I'd say, and I tend to find a lot of other peoples kids annoying! The destructive, noisy, rude ones I should add so becoming a parent doesn't automatically mean you need to tolerate all sorts of poor behaviour and there's a lot to be said for good (but not overbearing) parenting. I would say most parents find their own kids very easier to tolerate than other peoples kids.

The list is endless: nose picking, talking with their mouth full of food, eating with their mouth open, not brushing teeth hence bad breath, poor hygiene, dirty, filthy smelling bedrooms (i had a teenage brother!!)

You know most people are “sensitive” about this sort of stuff @Franksidebottom12 You're normal.

But your own self- regard might be disturbed by having to put someone else first, so probably best not have children.

With having children, you take your chances with what you're going to get. My eldest is 3 and it looks likely that he has adhd (awaiting assessment). His behaviour can be incredibly difficult (and I teach young children).

It's whether you want to take the risk. Having children is messy! It's chaotic and unpredictable. BUT the love is unconditional and if you do choose to have children, that's the one thing you'll discover.

And if you're sensitive now, menopause makes it worse. Particularly if you're ND...

Think what age you'll be when kid is a teenager. It's not a good combo, I now see why my mother was like she was.

My brother was like you - he liked order, travel and tidiness and his partner really struggles with mess and noise.
They are childless by choice and it was absolutely the right decision.
He has surprised everyone but being an extremely good uncle - especially as the kids have got older. They adore hîm and he is a huge part of their lives.
He says he likes it for a few hours but knows he can give them back

Ps - we haven't seen his partner for years ..