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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be friends anymore?

37 replies

redcurtains · 26/08/2022 16:51

We have been friends for years.
We are very different-she likes staying home everyday,she hasn't got a job and lives with parents (she's nearly 40)
Im the same age and like to get out and about and this has caused some issues.
If I go out with friends /holidays she doesn't like it.
I have to text her first or she won't text me-but then will go in a mood that I haven't text her.
I've gave up asking her to go for a coffee or lunch as it's always a no.
She has a online boyfriend in America and she keeps up till 6 am uk time then sleeps till afternoon (so I'm assuming is always tired so can't be bothered to go out )

Yesterday she sent me a long ranty text asking what she had done wrong? Why I haven't asked to meet up in months etc
I explained that she always said no etc
She said she misses me etc

Today I text her asking if she wants to catch up next week..
Her response
"I don't fancy next week maybe another time"

Could you be arsed ?

OP posts:
InsertPunHere · 26/08/2022 16:53

No

TTCourfirst · 26/08/2022 16:53

I wouldn’t bother with this friendship anymore

No2incoming · 26/08/2022 16:53

No, time to move in and not engage anymore.

Holly60 · 26/08/2022 16:54

I had to laugh reading that. She is being utterly ridiculous.

Text her back '👍 text me to arrange when you fancy it'.

And never bother again. If she wants to maintain the relationship, she can do the running.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/08/2022 16:54

Oh god. No I couldn’t be arsed. Can’t believe you’ve put up with her for so long.

britespark1 · 26/08/2022 16:54

No. The last couple of years have made me seriously re-evaluate some of my own “tricky” friendships.

VerifiedBot2351 · 26/08/2022 16:55

Put the ball in her court and don’t make the first move again.

JustSortYoursefOut · 26/08/2022 16:55

She's nearly 40
lives with her parents
doesn't work
stays in bed until the afternoon
Has what amounts to a penpal
Doesn't go on holiday
Turns down your offers to meet up

What have you got in common with her anyway?

Lsquiggles · 26/08/2022 16:57

It sounds like her life is quite empty and she likes the attention she gets from you but has no interest in contributing anything to the friendship.

Not worth your time, focus your time on people who don't just take from you 💐

iratepirate · 26/08/2022 16:57

britespark1 · 26/08/2022 16:54

No. The last couple of years have made me seriously re-evaluate some of my own “tricky” friendships.

This x 100!
I’ve found it most with the most tricky family members.

OP, your time is valuable. Share it with those who deserve it.

BigBinBag · 26/08/2022 17:01

No! I have had let a few friendships drift because they always expect me to do all the organising. It’s very annoying and makes you feel like a the friendship PA.

These people never change either. I bumped into a friend who I hadn’t seen in ages (because I stopped organising). She acted like I had wronged her in some way. These kind of friendships are too much hard work.

UserError012345 · 26/08/2022 17:02

Have you posted about her before OP? This sounds very familiar.

Pinklady245612 · 26/08/2022 17:03

I can understand your frustration. I would put the ball in her court. 'that's a shame. You let me know when you fancy going and we'll arrange something'.

NovaDeltas · 26/08/2022 17:06

I mean, she sounds a bit of a loser. She has no interest in maintaining your friendship and I doubt she's riveting company anymore. Friends are a privilege, and she's not putting in any effort at all.

Shame her parents didn't encourage her to actually have a life.

MzHz · 26/08/2022 17:24

I’ve had even “good” relationships go weird over the period of covid

even now, 2 years on from almost daily contact, lots of support and friendship from me to her, I get covid and not once does she ask me how I am or whatever. I fall for this dynamic often, needy people who only need you to be there, not to be there for you.

oh well, she was somewhat draining at times and there were signs that there was an imbalance and I had no idea how to negotiate a better one.

Original poster
redcurtains · 26/08/2022 17:24

Unfortunately I have posted about her before.
I'm back to square one with her again
I thought she was gonna start making more effort but she hasn't

OP posts:
Caroffee · 26/08/2022 17:24

No, I cba. This isn't a normal, adult friendship. Your friend isn't a normally functioning adult. You've outgrown her.

pictish · 26/08/2022 17:32

No I cba.

What do you mean she doesn’t like it when you go out with other friends or on holiday?

Original poster
redcurtains · 26/08/2022 17:33

She will put posts on her fb about "sneaky friends" then the following day if i message her she will say something negative about me being out.
It's honestly so childish and ridiculous
I just can't be dealing with it

OP posts:
MyfavouriteisA · 26/08/2022 17:34

What Caroffee said

pictish · 26/08/2022 17:36

Sneaky friends? What does she think is ‘sneaky’ about it?
What negative comments does she make?

I’m trying work out if she’s actually bonkers.

VivX · 26/08/2022 17:38

All seems a bit pointless.

Also unfollow her or defriend on fb so you don't have to see her passive-aggressive digs.

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/08/2022 17:44

God no. Life is way too short.

iRun2eatCake · 26/08/2022 17:46

UserError012345 · 26/08/2022 17:02

Have you posted about her before OP? This sounds very familiar.

I thought the same

UserError012345 · 26/08/2022 17:46

She just likes the idea of you. She just wants to be invited but nothing else.