Who will look after you if you get sick or grow old?

[GoneAwolAgain]

Interesting discussion with friends tonight...if you were to suddenly get very sick with acute illness, who would help take care of you? Would family gather around or would it be friends?

Me too.

I've watched several family members forced to become carers and it destroyed them.

No one. I hope to be able to move to easier to maintain property in the next few years and will make a start on getting myself and my DH 'old age proof'. But I wouldn't want to be a burden to my children & wouldn't want them to look after me

I'm going to save for Dignitas

No-one. No kids, partner died during the pandemic, only sibling lives 3 hours away, is bi-polar and lives like a recluse unless he's having a manic episode. Friends are mostly my age or older, and one is F/T carer for her son.

I will be dependent on social services or go into a care home.

Think I'd have to cope alone. My mum is getting on a bit and my brother and friends only contact me when they want something.

It's all "umms" and "aaahs" when I ask for any help

One way ticket to Dignitas, failing that I've got some very strong meds stashed away so a DIY job
I've already had the conversation with my DC's and they know how I feel

I'm currently fly very unwell and have spent a month on hospital including intensive care. I'm in a hospital bed in my lounge recovering snd currently can't walk.

DP has taken several months off work to move in and care for me 24/7. Friends are supporting as he doesn't drive. My kids are teens so are pitching in with housework and cooking.

I don't know what I'd go without him. Be reliant on carers arranged by social services I suppose. He's beyond amazing.

I will always keep aside enough savings for Dignitas.

Good on you for talking about it. My Dad told me something similar and it made his eventual death easier to deal with, knowing he never wanted to become an invalid.

I've wondered this. Specifically if I got very ill now.
DC are not able and would need to go and live with their dad.
I have close family but couldn't expect them to give up their lives really.
I suspect I'd manage as well as I possibly could alone with hopefully some sort of social services care package in place and family members doing what they could.
Then after that I'd eventually end up bed blocking in a hospital somewhere until residential care was found.
Hmm... suddenly feeling inspired to take better care of myself 😬

My husband, husband’s parents, my dad, my sister, and / or friends.

I thi

If you don't mind me asking - how is your son coping with that? That's a very young age to have to care for someone, what happens when he has to work or study? Does he still manage a social life? What happens if he meets someone and wants to move out what happens then?

Good question
i have suffered severe injury before and family and friends rallied round.

now I only have my best friend and sister really, both of whom don't live near. Dad is dead, mum is too old to help. Of course you expect that with parents, but on the friends front, I don't know how I got here. Injury was 10 years ago.

I am hoping not have a long life like some poor souls in my family but imagine I'll be in a retirement community so that will help.

It's looking like there will be no one for me when I get old.

Single, no kids and my sister doesn't have any either.

Hopefully DH, he is 11 years younger but you wouldn't know it. I try and keep very fit and healthy - I don't feel/look older than him but I'm sure in 10/20 years time that may not be the case. I also have 4DS ...but tbh I really can't see any of them being much help 🙈 ... or I will pay someone to help me

I'm a lone parent with 3 DCs

When i had a serious spinal operation 5 Years ago my nearly 80 yo parents came down to care for me from their home 100s miles away and took care of me and DCs doe 9 weeks until I was fully mobile again

These days my parents need help themselves so are moving nearer me but they think they'll help me and I think I'll help them

I do wonder if my teenagers would step over my dead body , ones already a uni student one is about to head off and one is still about to do GcSEs.

But my DCs teens/ some now adults do step up when needed if I groan and don't look like I'm sleeping.,, (on the floor!! )

Infact my uni 20 yo son is planning to catch train back to help me when he knows I will need some help in middle of his term

If I couldn't manage, my neighbours, my friends and my colleagues would help me.
Never call in favours really- often help friends and neighbours when they need help, so I don't doubt they'd help me and on occasion when I've gone by ambulance into hospital and then needed to stay overnight, or longer, my neighbours and friends have helped out with younger DCs.

I could have written almost every word, except we do have nephews/niece but we’d not expect it of 16/24/25 year olds even if they were our kids.

I went through this earlier this year with my mil and cancer, in our home with not enough help and nowhere near enough morphine for a part of it. No-one could get to us. There was 16 hour wait for an ambulance. I’ll spare details but it was literally Hell. I wanted to escape my body up into the sky.

My eyes have been opened. Both me and DP are adamant that won’t happen to us.

I’m so sorry you had to do anything like that so young. I feel too young (late 30’s). You must have seen life through this lens for a long time.

I can’t afford dignitas. I do have a very comprehensive knowledge of pharmacology and Would carry out a DIY version instead. Having such a huge gap between my children’s ages means that even if it happened soon I’d have nothing really to do in terms of getting my affairs in order . They’d all be absolutely fine. They’d just miss my cooking I expect :)

I'm already sick and it's my former partner who does the most for me, by far. In the beginning it was my mum, but she's gone now. Dad still helps me out financially. I have been very lucky. My siblings would help if they were needed.
Friends are odd; it's not always the ones you think are your best friends that turn out to be the best in a crisis.
I'm not expecting to get old.

Possibly my nieces and nephews. Cant see my DC's doing it.

Oh, and I have dual citizenship of a country where assisted dying is allowed, so I have that all arranged already. The only problem will be getting there if I am in a bad state. My sibling will come to the UK to accompany me back but even so I will likely need to go before I would have if assisted dying were available here.

Dignitas is £6-8k and if you can’t physically get there yourself family members that help you risk prosecution if you are from England . It’s a big deal. Personal experience.