Am i being a brat, or am i justified?

[shouldntbeonhereagain]

I know life is really bad for many people particularly at the moment, and many have it much worse than me.
Having said that, I just want to understand If how I am feeling is justified, or if I have become a princess ! We have four kids 10,8,6 and 3. We have no family or domestic help or childcare. My husband works from home and travels away in UK for a couple of nights every 2 weeks for work. This summer, he had a grand total of 3 days off and we went camping, and i got poorly. His mum has come to stay for the weekend, but he was working. No holiday as we cant afford it. He did an extra day’s work,which was helpful, and gave me £250 to pay for the holiday expenses. I am so fed up and tired of constantly making picnics /sorting squabbles /walking the dog with kids who don’t listen -over and over and over. I literally thi knof the day as 13 hours of me and the kids all day everyday untill saturday afternoon when he is around. Evenings are eat tv bed. i know i am lucky to be at home, but really am struggling to stay motivated. There is only so much you can do for free, or that is quiet when you are in the house (husband on calls amd needs peace) I just feel so unappreciated and utterly defeated. I feel like i used all my energy on homeschooling the 3 older ones with a young baby that now I really just cant find the reserves i could before. Everything is making me resentful and angry toward my H. Hes out on a run now, whilst I am hiding from screaming kids again. I do get to exercise at a couple of classes a week when he is not travelling. I know its not his fault but i feel he just has NO idea why i m such a grumpy cow… Am i being a brat?!

You need to talk to him. I’m a single parent and your life sounds pretty much like mine. He needs to help more

God no.

Not a brat. I'm a single mum to three kids and a dog. Also on a tight budget and think what you've posted sounds fucking awful to be honest.

Do you mean homeschooling because it’s just extra in the summer holidays or do you mean, they literally aren’t at school and you do it all? If so…why?? That sounds like complete bloody madness, no wonder you’re burnt out.

Also, where does the baby come in? The three year old?

Why is there no money or is that all he gives you and there is more

and why homeschool? Whose decision was tbag

Depends on your choices really?

Did you choose to have 4 kids knowing money would be so tight?

Knowing dh worked away and long hours?

Why chose home schooling?

Why don't you work?

Hmm. Homeschooling 4 kids with very little money does sound quite stressful, but it sounds like a lot of your decisions are the result of your own choices?

Why have you been home schooling the older children? Can't you just send them to school instead? What has happened to change your financial circumstances that now mean that you can no longer afford four children comfortably? Could you increase your income by using funded childcare hours for the 3yo and going out to work while the older kids are in school?

Sorry, more questions than answers here, but it's hard to understand exactly how you got into this situation without more information.

Also, what is it exactly that you're annoyed with your DH about?

Send them to school and the youngest to nursery then do some volunteering or get a job.

Why are you home schooling? Send them to school and get a part time job. Anything to get you out the house.

I'm not 100% sure why you're so annoyed with him? Surely he's just working to support you all. I assume you both chose to have 4 kids. That was never going to be easy. I sympathise to a degree but you also have to take responsibility for the choices you've made.

This sounds like the life of many parents, single or otherwise . Nobody tells you about the crushing monotony when your in the first flush of motherhood. Why the homeschooling? Can they not attend proper school? That just seems to be adding to the already crippling load.
Your DP sounds as if he is doing his best to support the family so no idea what to suggest really ( except sending the kids to school)

Sorry should’ve been clear. The older ones are in school. This is Summer holiday blues Homeschool with a baby referred to the pandemic, which is something I fee mightve pushed me overthe edge/still getting over. our youngest is 3 in october, so was 5 months at the start of first lockdown. My husband earns well, so no help toward schildcare from benefits or tax cuts etc , but there is still nothing left for spending to amuse the kids after we have paid for everything, like for many. I really would struggle to find work that even covered costs of wrap around and nursery at this point.

Yep. Think you got it in one !

i know i am lucky to be at home,

Why are you lucky to be at home? Sounds like you hate it. Have you considered getting a job and some childcare?

I have 3 kids and have been a SAHM.

Trust me, you're not lucky. Being a SAHM is boring, hard, tiring, demoralising.

I felt much better when I started working again, we also have more cash and lifestyle balance.

Can you look for a term time job?

Yes. We did. Infact, i think it was me more than him for the 4th. I got i to a sort of mad cycle and just kept on managing. He ised to be out 6.30 -8pm in London and travelling to US for 2 weeks at a time. I managed then, but feel i am far elss capable now. Thats what puzzles me. You are right though , i guess I just have to suck it up and i feel i do most of the time. i dont mind hard work. i dont mind giving up lots if things- that was a given with kids . I just didn’t expect to feel so alone and down all the time.

*there’s only so much you can do for free

Everything is making me resentful and angry toward my H…Am i being a brat?!*

I mean, yeah, if I didn’t work and had 3 kids we would have to do free days out and picnics too. If you want more money get a job, it’s really that simple.
No point blaming your husband for not earning enough.

With Increasing frequency- yes! I thibk i needto look at options, but finding cash for childcare is pretty crippling!

Yabu you will soon have all day, 5 days a week to yourself when the kids are at school. You only have the 3 year old atm don't you? You're living the dream.

I have only 2 kids. I definitely could afford or entertain 4 and I have a really good job. Why can you not work evenings or weekends? Even on the bank staff at care homes or nhs? My OH goes away offshore from 5-2 days at time so im used to doing it all alone. Younger kids are tough. Are they badly behaved? So the older ones do chores?

But any job i would be employable for wouldn’t give us any extra money at this stage. Breakfast/afterschool clubs Holdiayclubs x3 together with nursery fees, would be far more than I could earn. We dont get any hours for the 2.5 year old. After Jan we will only get the 15 hours a week for the next 2.5 years before he starts school, its just not feasible.

Do you think you might be depressed, OP? Sounds like a chat with the GP might be in order?

What practical steps could you take in the short term to deal with the isolation that you feel. Do you have friends who are SAHPs that you could spend some time with? With children in tow if necessary? Do you ever get time on your own? Could DH have the kids one day while you do your own thing?

You are only lucky being s SAHM if you actually enjoy it, Op.