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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think going away with young children just isn't worth the stress?

37 replies

EverybunnyHop · 25/08/2022 13:12

We've taken our 3 year old and 13 month old on two short stays this summer holiday. Stayed no more than 1.5 hours from home. Both times we've had tears, screaming, tantrums, refusing to eat, NOBODY sleeping, spending more money than we'd planned due to convenience and dh and I bickering due to all the above. Our 3 year old has been ill both times too. He doesn't sleep, gets way too overexcited then burns himself out, consequently gets run down and ill. He's potentially got adhd anyway and also has problems with recurrent tonsillitis when tired/run down which is what we're currently going through.

I don't think it would matter where we stayed. We chose family friendly hotels but I don't think self catering would have been any different.

What you think will be a nice thing to do for family memories just turns into total stress. It just really puts me off staying anyone again yet. After coming back from the second trip yesterday, I just feel totally exhausted. How do other parents do it?! AIBU to find going away with LOs this hard?

OP posts:
Original poster
EverybunnyHop · 25/08/2022 13:13

*staying anywhere

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 25/08/2022 13:14

I've never felt this way about going away with little ones but we don't get the screaming, tantrums and lack of sleep. What's causing that? Them being away from their routine?

Creativecrafts · 25/08/2022 13:15

Oh dear, that sounds exhausting. Why not schedule a few day trips instead? Somewhere not too far from home, which will be a change of scenery without all the hassle of settling children into different accommodation.

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/08/2022 13:17

We’ve been lucky I think. Low expectations, build in plenty of down time and staying in the U.K. so it’s not too hot.

Original poster
EverybunnyHop · 25/08/2022 13:17

Creativecrafts · 25/08/2022 13:15

Oh dear, that sounds exhausting. Why not schedule a few day trips instead? Somewhere not too far from home, which will be a change of scenery without all the hassle of settling children into different accommodation.

@Creativecrafts that's exactly what I'm thinking for now. At least that way they go back to their own beds.

OP posts:
shebathequeenof · 25/08/2022 13:23

Yabu

Holidays with young ones is not the same as holidays pre kids but can be really enjoyable.

I think the fact you have an ill child has clouded your views. Ill people just want their own bed.

Original poster
EverybunnyHop · 25/08/2022 13:24

girlmom21 · 25/08/2022 13:14

I've never felt this way about going away with little ones but we don't get the screaming, tantrums and lack of sleep. What's causing that? Them being away from their routine?

All sorts of things. For example, sitting down to eat in different places, so having a picnic lunch in one place and dinner somewhere else, breakfast is different, etc. They just want to be up and exploring all the time and don't eat. Or settle. That's OK for a day but over a few days it just doesn't work. Admittedly we haven't tried self catering but unless we have every meal in the accommodation to establish a routine/consistency, I don't know if it would be vastly different. It's still somewhere new. I just feel like it's a parenting fail because I've found it really hard.

OP posts:
GingerFigs · 25/08/2022 13:24

It's maybe just a few small words out of context of your OP but you say "making family memories" when they're only 3 years old and 13 months. Maybe for now day trips will be easier if staying away from home is difficult because at these ages they really will not remember any of these places. The memories you are making now are for you and your DH, which is fine, but not for this level of stress!!

Original poster
EverybunnyHop · 25/08/2022 13:25

shebathequeenof · 25/08/2022 13:23

Yabu

Holidays with young ones is not the same as holidays pre kids but can be really enjoyable.

I think the fact you have an ill child has clouded your views. Ill people just want their own bed.

He wasn't ill either time before we went away. It was due to going away. Both times he got ill on the last day/way back home.

OP posts:
Eixample · 25/08/2022 13:27

Once the youngest is over three it becomes actually enjoyable. Before then I agree, you may as well stay at home.

AceSpades54321 · 25/08/2022 13:28

Totally agree with you OP. When I look back on the stress it was deffo not worth it! Why did I put myself through such hell, and all £££ too!! Esp since covid when I realised we were quite happy in our house…don’t have any plans for holidays 👌

girlmom21 · 25/08/2022 13:30

I'd go self catering and I'd take a load of snacks on days out. It's a holiday - they can eat crap for a few days if they want.

PuttingDownRoots · 25/08/2022 13:31

We found caravans and camping a lot easier than hotels. One meal 'out' a day maximum (although ours were always fine with picnics)
But if you don't enjoy it its fine to give it a miss for a while.

Abouttimemum · 25/08/2022 13:35

I enjoy going away with our 3 year old but we only have one which I presume is much much easier! We always stay in places with 2 rooms so we can put him to bed. If we do stay in a hotel it’s usually only one or two nights. We generally stick to a routine if we can aside from abroad but he’s usually so hot he’ll sleep in the day when he’s tired. It’s rubbish when they fall Ill though

Anothernamechangeplease · 25/08/2022 13:37

My dc was always very portable so we enjoyed our trips away, but all children are different. We never stuck to a rigid routine of any sort when we were at home, so dd was always quite happy to go with the flow, but I can see how it would be challenging with kids who have quite fixed ideas about how things should be. It isn't a parenting fail...just different personalities maybe.

Your best option in future probably would be self catering or similar, so that you can keep them in their usual routine as far as possible. Or get them used to change by shaking things up a bit more in their normal daily lives?

AnnaFri · 25/08/2022 13:37

YABU

I think your issue was saying close to home tbh

It makes it less worth it on a personal level

we have always loved holidays with our 2 little ones, and have gone away 2-3 times a year since they were a few months old (currently 16 months and 4) all been fab holidays

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 25/08/2022 13:40

We've always had great holidays with DD, but we go abroad and do all inclusive, so breakfast then swim to make them tired, nap so parents can relax by pool, then lunch and repeat for afternoon.

We've always found you have to make sure to prioritise sleep, and pick simple activities like swimming to make them tired.

We would maybe do 1 day teip out of hotel, but rest of time stay in hotel

Summerbreezee · 25/08/2022 13:40

Totally agree with you! Not worth the stress. You end up needing a holiday from the holiday. But i did do a caravan holiday with my then 3 and 1.5 year old that wasn't too bad but had family help and they were ok with their change in routine.

We saved the proper holiday's for just dh and i until they were older.

Borracha · 25/08/2022 13:42

I get it. I've got three kids under 6, including one with ADHD and an EBF baby who wants to be clamped to my tit permanently.

We've just come back from a week abroad and I was actually looking forward to going back to work, just for a break from them.

We do actually go away quite a lot with them and find it helps not to think of it as a 'holiday' but instead just a change of scene. I have really low expectations and don't take it too seriously when it all goes tits up. For my kids, routine is also so important to their behaviour, so I try and stick to a routine for sleep and mealtimes where we can, even if that means having to sit in a hotel room from 7pm onwards in silence, watching them snore. I just get a bottle of wine and DH and I just watch something together on our iPads or play cards (in silence, ha!)

I do see some light at the end of the tunnel - the older two went into the hotel kids club for a few hours on a couple of days and I can also stick an iPad in front of them at dinner which usually buys half an hour respite. I think your two are just at a particularly trying age!

WonderingWanda · 25/08/2022 13:43

Mine are older now but we mostly stuck to self catering when they were really little so they could keep normal routines. It's still the same hard work as home but for me it was a mental break, a chs ge of scenery, new day trips.

Aozora13 · 25/08/2022 13:47

I pretty much refused to go on holiday ever again after our 2020 trip but the guilt got to me this year and actually our holidays were much more successful/less stressful this time. It might be partly as the DC are slightly older, but then we have had another baby to complicate matters!

Things that have helped us include:

  • not travelling too far
  • going self catering and having breakfast plus one other meal at home so they can be more relaxed (tbh this is my preference as a raging introvert too). Also having some familiar meals.
  • being pretty relaxed about our schedule including a couple of days where we spent most of the time chilling out watching films etc.
  • keeping to a similar routine to ours at home where possible
  • having extremely low expectations and remembering the point is to have a nice relaxing family time not tick off all the top sights/cram in as many activities as possible
  • reminding DH that it’s my holiday too so he needs to pull his weight instead of kicking back and relaxing
My DC are 6, 3 and 10mo - it probably sounds really boring but won’t be like this forever and it works for us now.
Sarah180818 · 25/08/2022 13:55

We have done two glamping trips with a 2 and 5 year old and has the best few days each time. I think you just have to accept routines go out of the window for a bit and if they don't eat as much fruit and veg it's not the end of the world. We did find they got tired so made sure we had some downtime where they chilled on their Ipads or watched something. children change so much in a year so you might find next summer much easier.

Appleblum · 25/08/2022 13:55

I feel for you. My 2 kids are older now but we definitely had to make alot of concessions on holidays when they were younger.

At this age I would recommend you stick to self catering or country cottages so that they can nap in the middle of the day and the rest of the family can relax around the house. I would also plan no more than 2 activities per day, so we'd get out early in the morning, have a nice lunch, then come back for a nap. Depending on how they are feeling after their naps we might visit another attraction, or stay in. You always have to be flexible with your plans.

When we go to hotels we get a suite with a separate living area and stay at resorts with pools, playgrounds, kids clubs, etc. These will all make your life easier.

Maray1967 · 25/08/2022 14:02

Ours were always fine but we only ever went with other parents with Dc of a similar age when we weren’t on our own - I would never have gone with the GPs for example with preschool DC. You need to keep more or less to their routines so you need to consider where they will have their afternoon nap. I won’t work around other peoples routines or wish to be out all day if it doesn’t suit the kids.

RamblingEclectic · 25/08/2022 14:12

With the goal of making family memories: Yeah, it won't be worth the stress as they won't remember it and all you're remembering is the stress and it'll likely fade into a blur.

At that age, we mainly did day trips with nearly all extended trips being visiting family or with family at a caravan site where the main thing was just walking around and spending time with family, all at a slow pace.

Even when they're older, you can't control what's going to be a memory, you can only enjoy it for what it is. The whole 'making memories' thing is a marketing scam that puts too much pressure on people.

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