To think going away with young children just isn't worth the stress?

[EverybunnyHop]

We've taken our 3 year old and 13 month old on two short stays this summer holiday. Stayed no more than 1.5 hours from home. Both times we've had tears, screaming, tantrums, refusing to eat, NOBODY sleeping, spending more money than we'd planned due to convenience and dh and I bickering due to all the above. Our 3 year old has been ill both times too. He doesn't sleep, gets way too overexcited then burns himself out, consequently gets run down and ill. He's potentially got adhd anyway and also has problems with recurrent tonsillitis when tired/run down which is what we're currently going through.

I don't think it would matter where we stayed. We chose family friendly hotels but I don't think self catering would have been any different.

What you think will be a nice thing to do for family memories just turns into total stress. It just really puts me off staying anyone again yet. After coming back from the second trip yesterday, I just feel totally exhausted. How do other parents do it?! AIBU to find going away with LOs this hard?

It really depends on the child. If they are easy going and adaptable, it can be lovely. If they are constantly tantrumming and high maintenance, it is hell for the parents and the kids don't enjoy it much neither. Sadly, it sounds like your family falls into the latter camp (through no fault of your own).

We’ve done two holidays with ours two. Both off-peak self catering which I think really took the pressure off.

First was Lyme Regis in October when they were 3 and almost 1. Both had hand foot and mouth while we were away. Smallest vomited all over the travel cot and our bed pretty much all of the first night. DS(3) fell asleep at lunchtime slept all afternoon and evening one day.

Second was Spain in March (aged 15mo and 3.5). No major illnesses although DS definitely got tired and needed more down time than he probably would have at home.

The key for us was just accepting that it wasn’t all going to be perfect and not being too ambitious. If our day consisted of a trip to the supermarket, an hour or two at the beach/park/a museum, lunch, and then an afternoon chilling at the apartment, we’d done pretty well. It’s not like a holiday with adults or older children where it can be ‘all fun all the time’ so staying somewhere nice, with your own space, is definitely important. Slings helped us too - being able to physically attach a child to yourself without impairing where you can go (like a pushchair might) is a godsend.

Going away with young kids isn't a break, though it can be fun. Going away from young kids is. Hence why we try to book places with creche/kids club/babysitting if we can, or else go away separately sometimes. If you can't beat them, lose them!

I really think it depends on child temperament a lot tbh. DD1 is a dream to take away. Super adaptable, can handle late nights and different sleeping routines, happy to go with the flow food wise, just loves new places and things. DD2 is still too little to tell if she will be the same, but certainly holidays with DD1 have always been really lovely.

But I guess our holidays are entirely geared around her enjoyment. I enjoy her enjoying herself, if that makes sense, so our days are generally all kid activities and based around that rather than what we would choose to do on holiday. And I think you just need to lower your standards about some stuff and not sweat the small stuff - crap food and lots of ice cream for a week isn't that big a deal really.

I think it depends on the child. My DS is 3, and he's the kind of child who thrives on the new. I can't take any credit for it, it's just how he is. Also, I've only got one, that probably helps.

We're about to take our third trip with him this year and he's been fab - had his grouchy moments, but generally been great. I found the key is managing expectations - we can do ONE activity every day. For example, a museum in the morning, then lunch, then afternoon a the hotel pool followed by some cartoons in the room and some downtime before dinner. We also did a hotel room picnic one night so we didn't feel like we had to go out.

Also, DH and I both work full time in bonkers demanding jobs, so having nothing to do but mooch around after a toddler, amble through some museums and lie by the pool is absolute bliss.

Even when they're older, you can't control what's going to be a memory, you can only enjoy it for what it is. The whole 'making memories' thing is a marketing scam that puts too much pressure on people.
Totally this: youngest is 7, eldest 14 and the random stuff they do/don’t remember from holidays is crazy!!! Do whatever suits and total solidarity, we’ve some lovely memories but as many tantrums due to heat, over tiredness etc and when we were away this summer we noticed a lot of exhausted children and parents and had some interesting moments ourselves!!!

Self catering is the a winner at this age.

My eldest has ADHD (now 11). We took him on holiday from 15 months. We knew he was a creature of routine so we went to a Parkdean site and stayed in a caravan. We are as we would at home, sometimes taking a picnic out over lunch. A small amount of the evening entertainment and he was ready for bed by 730 every night. DH and I accepted that we wouldn't be going out of an evening, so enjoyed each other company with board games and card games once he fell asleep.

We started doing Eurocamp when he was 5 and DS2 was 3. Same thing. Self catering, plenty of opportunity for downtime in our own space in the caravan (and enough space for all of us), pools and loads of crappy snacks (well, we're currently in France at a Eurocamp so snacks are pastries!).

For us, cramming into a hotel room and eating out every night sounds too stressful.

Yanbu. Ime holidays with young children are just same shit, different location and, if they don't sleep well in new places, holidays can even be worse shit, different location.
I have never come back from one rested let's put it that way 😄
I think if you go in with floor level expectations you can still find the joy in between the tantrums and urgent stops for roadside potty use and sick on car seats and refusing to eat/go to sleep/do anything they're being asked to do.

YABU
Although I wouldn't have wanted to be wrangling a baby and a toddler in a hotel.
We always self catered.
Keep standards and expectations relaxed and go with the flow.
Of course little ones tantrum - they do it at home too, but you probably haven't built up the at home days into some 'ideal' that you think a holiday should be.

It is unfortunate your little one was ill / was coming down with something - then of course it is no fun, as it isn't fun when they are poorly at home either. You've had bad luck.

If you decide not to have holidays away for the foreseeable future, make sure that you and your DH have time away from work together at reasonable intervals. Do not fail to take holiday entitlement or end up having half of December up to use leave.

DS is 2 and we enjoy going away with him (after a fairly hellish first holiday when he was about 11mo, where he was poorly and none of us slept). But we keep it really simple - self catering in a caravan, go outside school holidays, go Mon-Fri only so limit number of nights away, and don’t try to fit too many activities in.
The Parkdean site we go to (Ruda in N Devon) suits us perfectly at the moment as it’s right next to the beach, there are a couple of play parks and a pool there, plus the evening entertainment. There’s plenty of space for DS to run around outdoors. We try to do one activity each morning e.g. swimming, soft play, hiring bikes, then lunch at the van and a really chilled afternoon at the park or beach.
I really do feel for you OP as it’s horrible getting home from a holiday more knackered and stressed than before you left!

As with earlier posters we’ve always done self catering holidays that are geared for kids - Center parcs, Park Dean, farm stays, places with little playgrounds/pools, they get their own bedrooms, we can stick to routines and go to little attractions nearby. A holiday when kids are little isn’t really a ‘holiday’! But it’s not forever, now ours are 6 and 4 we can actually make some lovely memories together, without so much in the way of tantrums and strops, though expectations still can’t be too high!